Stop the bus!!!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Steely, May 15, 2011.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I am in emotional overload.

    When did my Dad die, 2 months ago? I had been flying up to Oregon once a month since September to be with him. Thankfully the last two weeks I was there to help him pass through to the other side.

    Two weeks later I went to Dallas to help my Mom pack my childhood home up, and get it ready for market. I spent another 2 weeks there, going through every thing and memory possible as we took hundreds of boxes to good will or to storage for them to be moved to Oregon.

    I have been back in Arizona 2 weeks. I am FINALLY getting to a place where I can find some peace. I have been gardening, and writing, and hiking. I mean for the first time in a year, the other day, I felt truly happy for awhile.

    My mom calls me last night. The for sale sign has been in her yard ONE day, and she already has a contract on the house. OK really???? In what world does this happen? It actually hit me really hard. I was caught really off guard. It was like the last piece of stability I had remaining, "mom and dad's house" is now gone - which also means my dad is really gone. I felt like I had the air knocked out of me. A million feeling started re-surfacing. Shoot I haven't even had time to process the current set of feelings.

    So now she would like me to come back to Dallas to get rid of the furniture that we left in the house for showing the house. And then we need to drive the things in storage from Dallas to Oregon. Um, yea. That is a VERY long drive. I am tired. I want a life. But I am sure she does too.

    Let's see THEN the entire family wants to scatter my Dad's ashes on July 10th in Oregon, on a mountain, the same mountain where my sister's ashes are scattered. I cannot even tell you how emotional that sounds. It makes me feel physically ill.

    At this rate I might as well just stay in Oregon until August. Oh wait, I have a dog. And I need my life to have some order, structure, some defining edges.I could refuse to do any of this - but I won't. It is just me. Why would I put my needs over my mom's? I am sure she feels even worse than I do.

    Then a friend/acquaintance that has been staying in my mom's house in Dallas calls me last night. OH WOW, is all I have to say.
    She proceeds to tell me that she knows it is H.'s spirit that made the house sell so fast, because now that my dad is also in the spirit world, H. doesn't want her spirit in the house anymore. Ummm, OK? ............

    Then she tells me that she sees shadows in the backyard all the time, and she is sure they are H.'s.
    She tells me she feels H all the time in the house, including dreams, etc., and she is sure H wants out of the house and to move on.
    Ummm, maybe?...................

    OK - I can't really process that information!!!
    I got off the phone and cried forever, and I don't even know why. I don't really believe what she said, but it creeped me out - and - well made me intensely upset. Again not sure why.

    I guess I just needed to write all of this down, in hopes of trying to get some rationale and sanity to it all. I am super tired of dealing with death, and the ramifications - and I need this merry go round to stop.

    On top of it all, the sexual abuse memories that were so part of my childhood are flashing back at me and I can't stop feeling and having nightmares about them. I don't know why when the spoon goes into the pot it has to stir everything. What about just affecting the matter at hand, not my entire world of issues.

    I am trying Skpe with my counselor in Dallas tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed it works. I am not sure my remote internet access will allow that much info to run through their satellite.
  2. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Oh , how hard. All those things are life changing and major stress inducing and to have them all in a few months time. How are you standing? And yet you were so kind to a stranger the other day and so kind to people here on the board... You have been given a gift-thus the "Steely"! I'm glad you cried, sometimes it is just cleansing and it must come out -better with tears than with sickness.
    As with the nighmares-I watch my daughter do this and I don't even know how to comfort. She use to sleep with me after one of those. Is your dog a comfort at night? Would a sleep aide help you through this rough patch? I know stress brings on the nightmares here.Prayers and hugs your way.
  3. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Your grief at the loss of your dad is bound to bring many things up, many layers of feeling to do with your childhood and other losses. It is healing to cry sometimes.
    Just try to be very kind to yourself at the moment, allow the feelings to come. Allow yourself to grieve. :)
  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    So many hugs to you Steely. I had some of the same feelings after we sold my family home when my dad died. It has been 12 years since he died and it is still so hard. Do what you have to to take care of yourself. It is very emotional and crying is a great release. As for the friend, I don't know what to think. I am not a firm believer in spirits but I know some people are. For whatever reason, take it as a good thing. H and your dad have each other now so they are both happy. That is the one thing that makes me feel a little better, my dad is with others from my family that I loved so much.

  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im sorry the house sold so quick. Sometimes thats not a good thing. My step-mom told me that she isnt going to even consider selling or deciding if she wants to sell for a year after my dad died. The house they have is much too large for her...heck it was for both of them and its a two story and she isnt a spring chicken anymore so I do think she should sell sometime in the future but I think she is wise to not make a decision for at least a year. It would be hard on me for her to do it right away.

    Im glad you can go and help your mom but it will be hard. So sorry.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    ((((hugs)))) Steely

    Honestly? It would not hurt anyone if you skipped a few of the happenings planned. It is a lot to ask you to put your life on hold for so long a time, I'm sure they'd understand much more than you think. Yes you want to be there for your Mom and to help her out and help her through this, but you also can't let it svck the life right out of you either.

    As per the "friend/aquaintance" I'd ask the person to keep such opinions to themselves. The grief from your dad passing is too fresh to be submitted to such things.

    As for how does a house sell so fast? mother in law's house, both the one in dayton, and the one down here sold less than a week on the market each. It happens. Neighborhood, the house itself, asking price, and the current housing state have most likely factored in. Someone saw a house they wanted, and quite frankly it's a buyer's market right now.

    I'm glad you had some time with normal things and enjoyed some happy days before this new development. The process will undoubtedly bring up more for you to sort through and get past. You will, given time.

    Hang in there.
  7. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hey Steely - maybe Dad just wants to get the show on the road! :) He probably helped out so that this will be over and done with for both you and your mom so that you can both move on with your lives.

    Let your counselor know that you're still having the flashbacks- PTSD often works that way!

    Love ya kid!

  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    No advice, Steely, but sending gentle hugs. You've had more than your fair share of sadness, and hopefully you'll be able to find some peaceful healing very soon.