Stopping by to say hi daughter not speaking to me

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Teri (AKA goingcrazy2), Sep 1, 2007.

  1. It has been so long since I posted here that I had to re-apply under another name. Last time I was here I posted to thank you all for all the help and advice you had given me in the horrible years with my difficult child daughter and difficult child ss and had given and update.

    I have been a lurker for a while, to keep up with how old friends are doing.

    Heres and update on us: gfgdaugh is now 19. She and I had (and I say had as it's in the past tense) been having the kind of mother/daughter relationship I had always dreamed of. Although she had moved in with her boyfriend, he is a nice guy, she is in the university doing well, on the honor roll ect.

    So what happened? gfgdaugh wanted to get a breast implant (she had save the money to do it). She went with boyfriend to see the doctor and was scheduled to have the surgery about 3 weeks ago. I kept asking her if she had told him about the problems she'd had several years ago, where she totally lost her peripheral vision, had to undergo an extensive series of neurological tests to rule out a brain tumor, MS, ect. Needless to say, it scared the heck out of me!

    It was thought that it was possibly due to the bc pill and she was promptly taken off as her gyn said she could have a stroke. She has been ok, but suffers from headaches that are quite short but very intense and troubled her enough that she called me to ask me to set up another f/u app't. with the neurologist.

    Anyway, gfgdaug being who she is said NO she had'nt told the plastic surgeon because it had nothing to do with what she was having done and she wanted her breast implants. I told her that going under anesthesia, especially given her uncertain neuro status was not something to be taken lightly and I thought the surgeon needed to know, but she refused to tell him.

    So about 2 days before her surgery, after much anxiety and discussing with my family, I decided to speak to the nurse anesthesist and present the situation hypothetically. I know they are not allowed to discuss gfgdaug case with me, but I knew I could provide information.

    The nurse anesthesist was very upset, saying that in a case like I was describing they would need neuro clearance for the surgery. They cancelled gfgdaug surgery until she obtained full clearance from the neurologist.

    I should not have been surprised by what happened next, given our history, but that just goes to show you how rose colored my glasses are: gfgdaug called me, cursed me out (ah the good old days) said she would never speak to me again and hasn't since).

    I spent 2 weeks in a funk but have decided it's her loss. I am also grieving the relationship that I thought we had established. But I'd rather have her alive than be a brain damaged, on life support for the rest of her life. So I am living with the consequences of having told the doctor.
     
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wb to the board terri.

    I am sorry dtr is giving you the silent treatment but you did the right thing in my opinion. I am sure in time she will get over it. She will live with smaller breasts and no brain damage and learn to kiss your feet for that!

    Sigh...these kids...how dare you care if she died or not!!!

    One day she will understand when she has a little one of her own and she has to watch that one make dangerous decisions. Makes a world of difference then. You will become a saint...lol.
     
  3. Thanks Janet, yeah, she's really upset about the breasts, go figure, but not about the possibility that she could've been brain damaged. Not as grown up as I had thought and back to the same ol' same ol'.....oh well.....
     
  4. goldenguru

    goldenguru New Member

    You did the right thing in my opinion. How could you have lived with yourself if you would have with held that information, and she would have had some horrible reaction to the anesthesia? Better her anger than her ill health.
     
  5. jill324

    jill324 New Member

    Had to say hello. I just joined today. I've been looking for a support group. I feel for everyone although it is good to know I'm not alone. I've posted about my soon to be 18 yr old daughter so I don't want to bore anyone with saying it again. Guess I'm just wanting to know that things will be better. We are seriously considering "evicting" her when she's 18. She does nothing around the house, no job, and just makes us miserable.

    I don't know how to put that little line "_____________" and all the stuff about me below my posts. But I'll type it.

    Me: 52, married 26 yrs, 17 yr old daughter living at home.
    2 other girls, 1 married age 33, 1 divorced age 24
    17 yr old is ADHD, Bi-Bolar, you name it. Drugs, smokes, cusses, makes our life a living h***
     
  6. goldenguru

    goldenguru New Member

    Hi jill 324~

    Where did you post your story? I can't seem to find it.
     
  7. Hi Jill, I couldn't find your story. Thank you everyone for the support. Jill you will love this site because of all the support and great ideas from everyone else. It saved my life and for about 3 yrs not too long ago, all I did was post on this site because of the drama that was my family. If it wasn't for this site, I would've honestly lost my mind. Since then, things have improved greatly thank God, but I have always come back to update, or to see how old friends are, or, like today, to get support...this is the best site for parents of kids like ours and you will see that soon enough. Anyways, welcome and good luck with your child! I will look for your post again but I didnt' see it when I looked. What forum was it under?
     
  8. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    You did the right thing........something ANY Mom would have done. It is just sad that our kiddos can be SO self absorbed that they cannot separate out real life deterrent from "Mom" deterrents in their everyday life. Thank God she has you........she could have died. Maybe one day, she will see the light. Until then, feel peace in knowing you did the right thing.
     
  9. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    At least she is alive and capable of making the decision to NOT talk to you......

    Maybe she's nineteen, but maturity may be a little farther down the road....You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing. And I hope the plastic surgeon is passing this info along to any other colleagues.......

    I just don't get why fake boobs are so important to risk your health over.......
     
  10. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    Jeez Louise, it's not such a big deal to have the surgery cancelled!, it can be rescheduled. Getting Neuro clearance is really nothing more than a follow up with the neurologist and possibly some testing. Now...if she doesn't have insurance, then that does complicate things a little bit.

    19 is still 19.
     
  11. Yep, she's got health insurance and had to give in and go to the neurologist. She actually had the neuro app't. scheduled prior to the boob job, but she didn't want to wait. Then when I told the plastic surgeon, she HAD to wait. She saw the neurologist last week and he sent her for an MRI and some other tests. The thing is she DIDN'T WANT to wait. You know how the thinking goes, instant gratification. I just didn't want my daughter dead or brain damaged. The plastic surgery has been re-scheduled but the point is, she's still mad at me because it was cancelled in the first place.
     
  12. Jen

    Jen New Member

    I personally had the same situation when I was in my early 20's back in the 70"s. I smoked and on the first occasion lost my eye sight period in an eye, but would come back if I covered up the other eye. I worked as a nurse at the time and was working on a patient at the hospital at the time. So they sent me to an eye specialist, that had me stop the BC pills. I had a few episdes after that then they stopped. I was never sent to a neurologist, nor to this day had any CT scans of my head to see what may have occurred. My gynecologist said no hormones ever for me, and I quit smoking.

    It never was equated to me that a stroke could occur from this, back then it was blood clots to the legs that is it.

    It is always good to be safe, but I think she would do well.

    As for your reltationship, I think even a easy child would react the same way... maturity will take time for a normal response, but again I have patients that are elderly that would respond the same way as your daughter. Try not to take it personally

    Jen
     
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