Stressed to the point Im sick

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by T Rene', Aug 24, 2016.

  1. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    My Son is 28 , we have always been there for him... He refuses that he has any kind of problem :( it has gone from alcohol to somethg I can not pinpoint ... Watever it is It is bad . We have begged him to get help , he lies , he tells everyone hes homeless ( not True) he has a home that he refuses to go back to because there r too "many memories of him & his wife" (she left him) Plus he didnt pay light bill ! I have paid the home off completely ... Yet he says No body does anythg for him :( He threatings his own life ... I have called cops on him for wellness check ... They will stop him then let him go ! ( Im tryin to have him court ordered to rehab) they say he seems fine to them 3 diff counties .. To the point I dont know wat else to do . He wants me to get his wife back & is very hateful to all of us ... Any advice ? This is ONLY a portion of wat we r goin thru ..I feel helpless
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Wow. I am so sorry. You paid his house off and he says you don't do anything??? Can we say ungrateful brat?

    This is not on your shoulders. You have done more for him than most parents do and he still won't get help or be civil you, such a kindhearted mom. THE truth is at his age, he's no kid and you can't help him. If he is rude, I'd back off unless he will speak kindly. Get his wife back for him? He has to do that himself and he probably didn't treat her very well.

    The truth is, there is only one person you have control over and that is yoirself. It is time to step back and let son either take care of himself or not. He is man. Only he can help himself. Do you have other loved ones who are nice to you? Friends? Hobbies? Enjoyable work?

    It is time to focus on your own life. You can not make your sons life better by worrying about him or letting him abuse you. BUT you can control your own quality of life.
  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Welcome T Rene:

    It sounds to me like you have done everything you can do for your son. You cannot live his life for him. You cannot get his wife back for him.

    He is an adult and if he does not want help there is nothing that you can do to MAKE him want help. As SWOT says, you have to take care of yourself. It sounds like you have already done way too much and enabled him to not grow up.

    I am doing the same thing with my almost 21 year old son. He doesn't want to grow up either but we are finally working on detaching and not enabling him. We do love him very much but he has to figure his life out on his own. Sometimes what we think is helping them actually hurts them.

    There will be more along with better advice but wanted to offer my support and let you know this is not on YOU. Read the posts on here and you'll see the point where we have gotten once we realize we've done everything we can do and now we turned their life back over to them.
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  4. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

  5. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    Thank u for responding , it helps me to talk to ppl that understand :) Im so scared ... He was not raised to act this way , I know his body cant handle wat ever he is doin ! It has been a very long rd , he has destroyed all his friendships & this was a kid that had everythg :( But he had to work for it , Ive never been able to just give him thgs , as I work hard for wat I have . They both gave up my grand-babies & blame that on Her Mother ! I paid the home off So that they wld NOT be homeless & it backfired on me .. I have ppl come to my work daily asking me "Is Your Son sleeping in a truck"? It is so awful & stressful Thank u for ur advice .. Sincerely T Rene'
  6. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    We get it. No one on this forum raised their kids to act like the animals they can act like - mine with addiction. If we weren't good parents and concerned, we wouldn't have sought out this forum.

    So the children's mother also does not have her kids either? What is her story?

    Sometimes/most times people that haven't been through this really don't get it and at times can say things that are hurtful. I only discuss it with people I'm close to that love ME and don't judge. I am estrainged from my half brother and half sister right now due to an incident that occurred with my son. Long story but I had been there for them - my brother with his cheating wife - that he's still with and my sister through a 13 year mentally abusive relationship. They bailed on me though. Nice.
  7. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Is the house in your name or your sons (and his wife)? Are they still legally married? Can you clear out the house and rent or sell it? That way, maybe you could get some of your investment back...

    I didn't quite understand about grandchildren...are they with their mom, or other relatives?

    Have you considered getting professional help for your self? It is so hard to deal with adult children, esp those with mental health or substance abuse issues.

  8. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    I understand completely wat ur sayi
    thank u very much Prayers for both of us :)
  9. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    The home is in their name .. There is nuthg I can do :) .. Her mother has the 2 grandbabies ( where they are well takin care of ) so for that I am thankful ! Thank u for ur kind words
  10. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    T Rene,

    You have done so much out of love. Now the hard part, you have to do nothing because of love.

    It seems more is going on than lose his wife and children. Drugs could be involved...and if they are...they will be found out. Let him live his consequences.

    My hubby is so much better handling judgemental people than I am. Sometimes he's brutally honest, sometimes we say nothing. Fact is, it's nobodies business.

    You should be loved, have joy for your own life. No one can tell you how you should feel....

    Offerings of is hard...your not alone..Mof
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  11. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Another thing to remember is that if we suffer, we worry, we stress to the point of literally being sick (I have a big cold sore as I write this), it does NOTHING to help them and it's bad for us!

    You may try therapy for yourself. I am doing that. It so helps to have a professional guide you. It makes me feel better just knowing that I go weekly.
    • Like Like x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  12. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    Thank u so much for ur respect in this matter :) I have went above & beyond out of love , I cant take him back in like a child & make him do anythg ... He refuses to work So at this point I am trying to deal with myself inside ... Because he doest want to help himself ..& it breaks my heart They cld both have their children but both choose Not too
  13. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    I hope u feel better soon ... Prayers & yes I need to talk to a therapist as well ... Thanx much