Studying could be so much easier......

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Andy, Sep 25, 2008.

  1. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I am soooooo frustrated. The screaming! The screaching! The frustration! The tension! Absolutely ridiculous! This would go so much faster if he would stop getting so stubborn. If he would stop throwing mini tantrums every other second in an attempt to get out of doing the work. If he would at least show an effort in wanting to learn this! I know he can do it - that is what makes it more frustrating. Then he throws in the "I am stupid!" "O.K. this is getting us nowhere - just go to bed."

    I asked him why he didn't fall apart and act like this at school. He replied, "Because I am a good boy." I told him I am so sick of teachers saying, "He doesn't behave like that at school." I want the same respect he shows teachers. Especially when he ASKED me for help - it wasn't my idea to help at this hour. Reminds me of when I was in VoTech and this guy my dad's age was jealous that I was the one the other students would ask advise of so he would always ask me a question and then tell me my answer was wrong. I finally told him to stop asking me since he was only going to disrespect my answers (which were not wrong).

    Now I suspect difficult child will have a nightmare tonight because he is going to bed upset! We have never had this issue with spelling and memory. And he will come away with A's on both. UGH!!!

    He needs to spell "nauseous" (thank you Pooky) and "turquoise" along with other not so hard words. I believe he will do fine.

    Then, his memory work this week is one of those long two verses that don't make sense as to the flow of the words - just a list of words, "neither _________ nor _________, neither ________ nor _________, neither ______ nor ______, not _______, neither ______ nor ______ ect." It truly is memory of a list of things. We discovered last year that although difficult child has super wonderful memory skills in verses, he does not memorize a list well (like the books of the bible - we just could not do that one - notice how I say "we"? It is because I end up memorizing also while helping him and I can't memorize the books of the bible either).

    Now I know why we do not study at night. It doesn't work for me to help him in the evening - I do my best help in the morning on the way to school. He will need to learn to study at night without me! Better for him to learn now and just review with me in the mornings.

    I better go check on him and have him do the stress eraser if he is still awake! Ugh Ugh Ugh.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Sorry you're having to go through this- I think it's fairly common with our difficult child's and I wish I had a nickel for everytime I've been there done that. I'm working on strategies- I realized that the more I put it on my shoulders, the more stressed we both get. If I just walk away- not mad, but kind of like "well, if you decide that you want to do your homework and need help, let me know", he'll usually be back in 15 mins. Not always, but I hope this is helping things to de-escalate while still reminding him that it is his responsibility, not mine. I'm trying to figure out other strategies, because sometimes this one just doesn't work. Sometimes, the majority of the evening is consumed with difficult child's emotions or excessive talking or raging. Thank goodness it's in his iep that homework is reduced during periods of stress and makeup work gets done at school. He doesn't get full credit for it, but it's better than a zero. Can you get some help from the school in this regard? Is he on an IEP?
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member


    i'm sorry that sounds like my house at hw time and exactly what i just said tonight because i allowed myself to get upset.......ugh don't you hate that, then you have the guilt also of it....

    sorry your night was rough. schools just don't get it they don't i learned that today. i've heard that also she doens't do that at school, etc. they need to educate themselves a bit more and actually pick up a book and read.......on various issues if they truly want to make a positive impact on a child with stuff.
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    So sorry your evening exploded, Andy...I can't even begin to count the number of times we've had that happen here. I absolutely HATED helping Miss KT with homework. Many hugs...hope he's able to settle down and get a good night's rest with no nightmares.
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Thank you! I knew you guys would understand. I did keep pretty calm during the screaching and frustrations. I really think he does this on purpose to try to put his not doing homework on me. "Mom, stop frustratng me!" I haven't done anything exept help him. He is the one choosing to be frustrated and stressed. If he would just relax! This way he can blame me for not doing well - I think not! Not going to work!

    I asked him to do his stress eraser and he said he was too tired. I told him he would probably have a nightmare if he did not do it and he replied that he was doing it in his head which is very good. He needs to know how to calm down without the hand held devise.

    I think some of our kids do hold things in at school and the teachers don't believe what they can't see. They don't see the inside feelings that are getting in the way just because they can hold it together during the school hours.

    difficult child goes to a very small private school. No IEP but the teachers are great to work with. They will do whatever doctors suggest (drink bottle on desk) and anything I ask (stress eraser whenever he needs to). These teachers are more flexible with difficult child than I am. They are more willing to give him a break when I insist that he be held accountable like the other kids would. I do know what can be expected of difficult child and how far he can be pushed. The teachers and I really are partners in this. I know they will help me with an IEP for next year if difficult child needs one. I will discuss it with them in the Spring.
  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Andy! Stop! Wait! I have an idea! OMG! We've been going through this for YEARS and I was basically going, well...NVTS!

    difficult child 1 is just short of brilliant, he speaks like a 30 year old and has since he we 1.5 years old.

    Year after year after year it was the same thing. Two hours fighting over homework and still not finished (15 min. assignments).

    Turned out the little bugger was memorizing what they were "saying" in school, could read but could not comprehend. We are now (he's in 5th grade!) in the beginning stages of diagnosis'ing learning disabilities. Think about it. He's just at the age where the work is becoming more his responsibiliies ("go home and read chapter 3 and let me know if you have questions). If he's having trouble reading/comprehending/processing, he's going to feel stupid, worthless, ignorant etc.

    Do yourself and your hair color a favor and have him tested. It could be eye-opening at best!

  7. Andy,

    I don't know that I have good suggestions for this problem... Sigh...

    Our difficult child is now a senior in high school, and we have fought this battle the entire way through his school life - but the last few years I have really backed off. I honestly don't think that parents can create the motivation for our difficult child's , that has to come from them.

    I have basically worked closely with the school and the teachers and been available when needed. I do remind him of deadlines and we keep them listed and posted on the frig....
    But most importantly, I have reminded myself that not all folks are "into" academics and that there can be an occupational life without a higher education. It's not as easy, and it probably won't pay as well, but it may be closer to what our difficult child wants and can handle...

    I'm sending prayers your way for some more peaceful times...