Stupid BOX

[Steely]

Stupid box. I opened it, thought it was a box of taxes -

Instead H & Matt pics fell out. Pics of when Matt was still a precious pumpkin. H hugging Matt when she was happy and married. Her husband, T, Matt's Uncle, hugging and playing with Matt. My dad. All of them gone - except Matt - but in so many ways he is too.

OMG - I feel like death. I didn't even know I had those pics.

My "former precious kiddo" spent the day yesterday in a total rage. I have no idea how he, me, and 3 dogs (2 that don't get along) are going to fit in my 2 door Jeep and drive 20 hours to Washington without killing each other.

And I don't know why he still rages uncontrollably at 20. I feel like I am losing him too - if he doesn't get his medications on track I feel like something bad is going to happen. Or maybe it is not his medications, maybe he is just always going to be triggered and rage.

I wish words could explain this sadness. It is a gut tangling, relentless, loss.

Please pretzel that I can get through these last 7 days of moving - calmly, sanely, and without incident. This totally sucks.

 

[KTMom91]

Hugs, Steely. I don't even know what to say.

 

[keista]

((((HUGS)))) and lots of pretzeling for you.

 

[TeDo]

Many, Many {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}}. Pretzeling until you're all moved (I'm gonna be VERY stiff in a week. LOL)

 

[HaoZi]

*hugs* honey. Can you sedate everyone else for the ride?

 

[Steely]

Haozi - I was just thinking that last night.....

Tesla will have to sit in the front on Matt's lap, and he is already 6'4 and taking up the entire passenger seat and more - and Diesel and Steele and our bags will have to be in the back. Steele gets car sick, so he will be on Dramamine - but I might ask the vet for something else for all "4" - and then slip Matt a mickey (haha). No, I wish I could get Matt to see a Dr before we get there, because he is such a mess - good god - I am afraid he is going to have a heart attack.

Thank you for the prayers & pretzeling - I need them this week.

I am definitely finding a grief group when I get to WA. I think the loss of H was something I could barely handle - and now my dad so close behind - I need help.

 

[Mattsmom277]

I'm pretzled up for you, I've roped S/O into pretzling, and if I can get the cats to sit still I'll get them in on the action too. I think though the cats may be a long shot. They may just snicker evilly at the thought of a dog that gets carsick taking a 20 hour drive. Cats can be that way . We however are sending peace vibes for the road for you.

The grief group sounds like it might be a good step once you are settled. All that you are feeling IS normal Steely. Getting help to process this all can only help you to move on into the new world you're making for yourself. ((Hugs))

 

[DDD]

You know you can count on me. Hugs. DDD

 

[Hound dog]

Finding a box like that just outright sucks. Sort of a punch in the gut.

I truly understand what you mean with Matt's rages, and I hope he finds good help when you get there.

Meanwhile I'll be pretzeling up and saying a prayer or ten for the rest of the packing and the drive.

Hugs

 

[Steely]

Saw this today posted at the hardware store in the customer service section (I know, odd place) - thanks - um - to whomever is out there helping guide my way. (I hope.)

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." Elizabeth Ross

 

[InsaneCdn]

So often in life, its the littlest things that make a difference either way.
Its a good thing that small things can be so positive...

"It isn't the mountain ahead of you that wears you down so much as the grain of sand in your shoe."
Nice when some small positive thing can help knock out a few grains of sand.

{{hugs}}

 

[Steely]

The oddest thing about that quote it that when I went home and researched the author it is a lady who lived her whole life dedicated to researching and writing about death and dying. She has a ton of books and articles out there.....
Given I am having such a hard time with that very subject - what an interesting coincidence, huh.

 

[HaoZi]

Providence, hon. Providence.

 

[exhausted]

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." Elizabeth Ross

Thanks you for sharing, I really needed to see that today! A hug to you and your Matt and your doggies. May you find some joy in the beautiful drive to Washington and may Matt find some calm from his storm.

 

[Estherfromjerusalem]

Steely, I really feel for you. You have had so much to cope with and I'm sure it is quite normal for it to weigh so heavily on you. I have read a couple of books by Elizabeth Kubler Ross, I remember one called "On Death and Dying." Her books are very readable.

I hope your move goes as smoothly as it possibly can, and that you settle down there reasonably quickly. I think joining a grief group would be the best thing you could do for yourself.

Sending you a hug.

Love, Esther