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Sucking out the joy
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 683648" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>We went through a bad period of time when our Difficult Child was in high school and shortly afterwards. The high school grad. awards, accolades, college acceptances, etc. I am a member of a club and when we meet, everyone would brag about these things and they would literally NOT ask me a single thing about Difficult Child, which generally speaking might have been for the better, but it was noticeable and palatable.</p><p></p><p>We have some friends and neighbors who are very successful. One is in Harvard medical school. They NEVER speak of Difficult Child.</p><p></p><p>We have a couple friend who are have a Difficult Child lite daughter. It has been interesting observing them. We know a few families like this. One had her father pushing and pushing and helping her through college in every way shape and form. Eventually...over a very very long time, she earned a doctorate. She never married or had kids. I think she knew in her heart, that she had some struggles. Just interesting. It is nice to see this woman doing well now...but it did take a LOT of help and a very long time. And her parents are thrilled.</p><p></p><p>I'm not completely sure such things apply to our Difficult Child. Problem is my Difficult Child doesn't usually accept lots of help. Sure, if it's in the form of dinero she accepts it. And the drama is frequent (an improvement from constant)</p><p></p><p>Like I mentioned, things that have helped are the boundaries, identifying what things bring me joy and moving forward with my life.</p><p></p><p>A little example of boundaries...she is not allowed to call before 7:30 am week days and 9 am on weekends and never after 11 pm. She can text after hours if it is a medical emergency. We simply will not answer the phone if she calls at the wrong time. This alone has been a blessing for us!</p><p></p><p>Regarding light at the end of the tunnel...my husband reminds me often, there have clearly been small, but again, clear increments of improvement over the years.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 683648, member: 4152"] We went through a bad period of time when our Difficult Child was in high school and shortly afterwards. The high school grad. awards, accolades, college acceptances, etc. I am a member of a club and when we meet, everyone would brag about these things and they would literally NOT ask me a single thing about Difficult Child, which generally speaking might have been for the better, but it was noticeable and palatable. We have some friends and neighbors who are very successful. One is in Harvard medical school. They NEVER speak of Difficult Child. We have a couple friend who are have a Difficult Child lite daughter. It has been interesting observing them. We know a few families like this. One had her father pushing and pushing and helping her through college in every way shape and form. Eventually...over a very very long time, she earned a doctorate. She never married or had kids. I think she knew in her heart, that she had some struggles. Just interesting. It is nice to see this woman doing well now...but it did take a LOT of help and a very long time. And her parents are thrilled. I'm not completely sure such things apply to our Difficult Child. Problem is my Difficult Child doesn't usually accept lots of help. Sure, if it's in the form of dinero she accepts it. And the drama is frequent (an improvement from constant) Like I mentioned, things that have helped are the boundaries, identifying what things bring me joy and moving forward with my life. A little example of boundaries...she is not allowed to call before 7:30 am week days and 9 am on weekends and never after 11 pm. She can text after hours if it is a medical emergency. We simply will not answer the phone if she calls at the wrong time. This alone has been a blessing for us! Regarding light at the end of the tunnel...my husband reminds me often, there have clearly been small, but again, clear increments of improvement over the years. [/QUOTE]
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Sucking out the joy
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