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Parent Emeritus
Sucking out the joy
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 683720" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>We dont know how well this child has really done. She, with extreme help, made it through much college and has a good job. As I read the story, though, I wondered if it was at the expense of having a normal social life...marriage and kids. I know her parents are thrilled, but not how she feels. Fact is we never know what goes on behind closed doors. I do tend to be a cynic though so...its probably just me.</p><p></p><p>I do however have a sort of answer to what type of adult child does better than expected with help, at least in my opinion and experience. Our autistic son, whose birthmother used drugs and alcohol when she was pregnant, was supposed to be a vegetable who may never learn to speak.</p><p></p><p>No child alive ever willingly accepted help or tried as hard as he did all his life. He had the personality in my opinion of an achiever. Besides working very hard, he was and is cooperative, happy to accept help, good natured, not rebellious, not interested in substances and unwilling to quit.</p><p></p><p>My son is not a college grad or a high earner, but he is not a vegetable either. Nobody who did not know his diagnosis would guess he has autism. He lives independently, works (hard), does sports, has a few close friends and everyone loves him. He still accepts help eagerly and cheerfully.</p><p></p><p>To be able to assist anyone in achievement, they must be willing to accept it. And work hard. And not argue that daily pot use is harmless. And they must want independence. Sonic has reached an unbelievable level considered he had drugs in his body when born. All cards were stacked against his having any sort of normal life, but because of who he is, he's happy and fairly independent.</p><p></p><p>Thats in my opinion how you can tell if the pushing will work. The adult child has to accept it and be grateful to those who are helping out, be it parents or others. Those who wont work hard, are ungrateful, do substances and blame us for their problems...jmo, but I think those types of people do not accept help well, unless they change.</p><p></p><p>Again, jmo and certainly I could be wrong.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 683720, member: 1550"] We dont know how well this child has really done. She, with extreme help, made it through much college and has a good job. As I read the story, though, I wondered if it was at the expense of having a normal social life...marriage and kids. I know her parents are thrilled, but not how she feels. Fact is we never know what goes on behind closed doors. I do tend to be a cynic though so...its probably just me. I do however have a sort of answer to what type of adult child does better than expected with help, at least in my opinion and experience. Our autistic son, whose birthmother used drugs and alcohol when she was pregnant, was supposed to be a vegetable who may never learn to speak. No child alive ever willingly accepted help or tried as hard as he did all his life. He had the personality in my opinion of an achiever. Besides working very hard, he was and is cooperative, happy to accept help, good natured, not rebellious, not interested in substances and unwilling to quit. My son is not a college grad or a high earner, but he is not a vegetable either. Nobody who did not know his diagnosis would guess he has autism. He lives independently, works (hard), does sports, has a few close friends and everyone loves him. He still accepts help eagerly and cheerfully. To be able to assist anyone in achievement, they must be willing to accept it. And work hard. And not argue that daily pot use is harmless. And they must want independence. Sonic has reached an unbelievable level considered he had drugs in his body when born. All cards were stacked against his having any sort of normal life, but because of who he is, he's happy and fairly independent. Thats in my opinion how you can tell if the pushing will work. The adult child has to accept it and be grateful to those who are helping out, be it parents or others. Those who wont work hard, are ungrateful, do substances and blame us for their problems...jmo, but I think those types of people do not accept help well, unless they change. Again, jmo and certainly I could be wrong. [/QUOTE]
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