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suggestions for seriously angry 17 yr.old?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 59268" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Peg, expanding on what I said, I certainly don't mean give up! It's just that I saw with my daughter that she refused any help offered her. It was heartbreaking. She DID work. We cut off her money to bare essentials (clothes from Walmart, nutritious food, school supplies) and she got a job at Walmart and worked there to pay for extras. Maybe that helped. I'm not sure because she found druggie friends there and was high at work. She didn't have a sense of entitlement, but she was so wrapped up in the drug culture that she really behaved off-the-wall, and I, having been a big prude, didn't realize how deep she was into drugs. Not until she quit, grew up, and told me horror stories that I didn't want to hear. </p><p>Do what you can. When he's 18, it's his own choice if he wants to help himself or not. He may chose to do it, don't underestimate him. I thought my daughter would end up in jail or dead, and nothing bad has happened to her--it was all uphill once she moved in with her brother, which took her far away from her druggie friends who live near us. I would cut off his money and MAKE him work. He wants clothes? Well, there are Good Will stores and garage sales. He wants good food? Buy nutritious food for the family, make meals, if he wants McDonalds or Cheetos make him work to buy them himself. He wants to drive? My daughter had to pay for her insurance and gas and, when she screwed up on the road, we took away her use of the car and she walked. It's good exercise!!! :smile: (If we'd known about the drugs, we never would have consented to allow her to get a license). There comes a point when we have to wait for them to come to us for help. My daughter just laughed at her therapists and told them lies. She really had to decide to change on her own, and she did. And yours could. But I'm a big believer in not helping kids become their own worst enemies. If a kid is acting disrespectful or breaking rules, no money. None. He wants to make his own rules? Have him earn his own money. I'm rambling now...lol. Hope this helped. It worked for us. I highly recommend "Tough Love." I was very against it before I had a child who didn't respond to kindness, compassion, extra talks, rewards, etc. Now I'm a big fan. Oh, yeah. My daughter is asian (adopted). She used the race card too because, where we live, there is a lot of prejudice against Hmongs who are asian and some kids thought she was Hmong. "Everyone hates me because I'm asian!" Waaaaaaaaaaah. Now that she's 23, she admits that she was actually well-liked and that boys always told her how pretty she was. Only my biological son is white. The others are asian and black. If they try to use the race card, I don't minimize it, but I don't maximize it either because they have to learn to handle some prejudice. I basically tell them, "Prove them wrong. Show them what you can do." And I don't dwell on that. Whether or not that's a good response, I'm not sure, but my African American friends gave it the thumbs up.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 59268, member: 1550"] Peg, expanding on what I said, I certainly don't mean give up! It's just that I saw with my daughter that she refused any help offered her. It was heartbreaking. She DID work. We cut off her money to bare essentials (clothes from Walmart, nutritious food, school supplies) and she got a job at Walmart and worked there to pay for extras. Maybe that helped. I'm not sure because she found druggie friends there and was high at work. She didn't have a sense of entitlement, but she was so wrapped up in the drug culture that she really behaved off-the-wall, and I, having been a big prude, didn't realize how deep she was into drugs. Not until she quit, grew up, and told me horror stories that I didn't want to hear. Do what you can. When he's 18, it's his own choice if he wants to help himself or not. He may chose to do it, don't underestimate him. I thought my daughter would end up in jail or dead, and nothing bad has happened to her--it was all uphill once she moved in with her brother, which took her far away from her druggie friends who live near us. I would cut off his money and MAKE him work. He wants clothes? Well, there are Good Will stores and garage sales. He wants good food? Buy nutritious food for the family, make meals, if he wants McDonalds or Cheetos make him work to buy them himself. He wants to drive? My daughter had to pay for her insurance and gas and, when she screwed up on the road, we took away her use of the car and she walked. It's good exercise!!! [img]:smile:[/img] (If we'd known about the drugs, we never would have consented to allow her to get a license). There comes a point when we have to wait for them to come to us for help. My daughter just laughed at her therapists and told them lies. She really had to decide to change on her own, and she did. And yours could. But I'm a big believer in not helping kids become their own worst enemies. If a kid is acting disrespectful or breaking rules, no money. None. He wants to make his own rules? Have him earn his own money. I'm rambling now...lol. Hope this helped. It worked for us. I highly recommend "Tough Love." I was very against it before I had a child who didn't respond to kindness, compassion, extra talks, rewards, etc. Now I'm a big fan. Oh, yeah. My daughter is asian (adopted). She used the race card too because, where we live, there is a lot of prejudice against Hmongs who are asian and some kids thought she was Hmong. "Everyone hates me because I'm asian!" Waaaaaaaaaaah. Now that she's 23, she admits that she was actually well-liked and that boys always told her how pretty she was. Only my biological son is white. The others are asian and black. If they try to use the race card, I don't minimize it, but I don't maximize it either because they have to learn to handle some prejudice. I basically tell them, "Prove them wrong. Show them what you can do." And I don't dwell on that. Whether or not that's a good response, I'm not sure, but my African American friends gave it the thumbs up. [/QUOTE]
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