Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by witchiewoman71, Jun 17, 2011.

  1. Ok, I've gotta say this...whomever thought up the school year and decided kids needed idle time for 3 months did not have difficult children!!! I have 3 kids, the youngest of which is 2. I pay full time day care for her of $165 per week. My other 2, 15 and 8 are home all day...doing nothing...OMG!

    My oldest difficult child is given chores...does not do ALL. My 8 yo difficult child is given chores...he does them...thankfully he has not exhibited the ODD yet like his sister, and the ADHD is manageable for him with his medications as long as he has a list. We just remind him if he does the chores all in the am, then he has the rest of the day to do what he likes to for him.

    The oldest is a WHOLE different story..will sort of do chores if she wants to do something on the weekend. The kid has depression, so she has no motivation. She refused to take her medications, so I stopped taking her to her counselor. She really didn't do anything for her anyhow. Basically I have wasted thousands of dollars on copays and medications and have the same trouble I've had since the child was 10 and the symptoms revealed themselves.

    I get so annoyed because I've tried everything to try to motivate allowance, time with her friends, computer time...nothing works. Consequences don't really work either. I know it's probably the depression but short of forcing them down her throat I don't know how to get her to take her medications...

    Then there's the dilemma...I DO NOT TRUST HER...Any trust I had was ruined a long time ago. Lie after lie after lie I had caught her in. I know she's lieing when her lips are moving. Once she knows she's been found out she still tries to lie until finally she will admit to whatever it is. This is who is home with my 8 yo son during the day. She is a person here for him should he need something...and I do not have any other options. I cannot afford them...I feel like a horrible mother for leaving him with her sometimes.

    I will say that my son broke 2 fingers about a month ago while my husband and I were at work. He was playing "Let's see who's stronger" with his buddy and they picked up the seat part of a concrete bench...the seat part won. He broke the tops of his middle and ring fingers on his left hand, cut his fingers pretty badly as well, and pulled up part of one finger nail when he pulled his hand out from under. My oldest handled it very well. Although she was freaked, she managed to maintain enough composure to call me at work and tell me what was going on. I directed her what to do, and immediately left work. A drive that normally takes me 25 minutes took me 11!

    Since I cannot afford to put my son in Summer Camp and my 14 yo difficult child is going to be watching him and I cannot quit my job, I guess I'm going to have to suck it up. I worry that my poor, sweet, 8 you difficult child will end up warped from being subjected to her!! There, I said it. I feel awful for thinking that way of my own kid, but it's not like she hasn't given me reason to..

    Maybe we should have stayed living in Germany (we were stationed over there for 3 1/2 years). They had school year round. Yes, they had breaks, but not for months at a time. I feel like any moment my head is going to pop!!!!
  2. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    have you looked for government funded daycare programs? or something that can be done for cheap like the y? i don't know how it works in the US but here i would talk to a member of parliament about what services are available. i wouldn't feel comfortable leaving a 14yo in charge for that amount of time, especially not one who is difficult child. maybe you could talk to some of his friends parents that are stay at home parents and see if they'd be willing to help out? or at least have them drop in a few times and check on things?
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Amen, sister.
    Here, its "just" two months... we haven't started break yet, and we're already going insane, because there are no options that work for K1, and we can't afford the ones that work for K2... So, I'm stuck trying to work major hours from a home office while managing two difficult children - and two (probably difficult child) dogs!

    Year-round school wouldn't help - ours actually need the break - second term is always a disaster, because there really isn't a break (xmas is a month before finals... finals wipe out any benefit). Two weeks isn't long enough. Two months is forever.

  4. Yeah, it's a suck-it-up thing. We got tired of having our son getting kicked out of programs. husband finally quit his job so he could mind him after school, during breaks, and summer. I try not to think about the lost income and what could have been. Especially the opportunities that his older sister doesn't get now because of the smaller money pile. But then, I didn't get a little scroll entitling me to a difficult child-free life. Since I was a difficult child who made her mother's summers miserable, it serves me right. But husband didn't sign up for that, any more than my mom did. Sometimes even the best option isn't a particularly good one. And sometimes I just focus on getting through 10 minutes at a time. Good luck, lady. Hang in there -- it will end sometime.
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Summers can be really rough. The original reason for the summer break was so kids could help out on the farms. Today, at least here, the tourism industry really likes the summer because of hiring for jobs.

    Summer for me is a double edged sword. I love it because I teach so for me it is time to relax some. However, with difficult child around that doesn't really happen. Luckily we are able to send difficult child to some reasonably priced camps a few of the weeks. Due to his special needs we are still able to use flex spending to do this (otherwise there is no way he would be able to attend).

    I hope the summer goes quickly and that it turns out better than you are expecting. Hugs.
  6. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Check with your county to see if there are services to help with day care costs. We do have them here in Minnesota.

    Also, check with Summer programs for reduced assistance into their programs.

    Check with Summer camp programs for assistance into their programs also.

    Do you belong to a church? Sometimes churches have funds set aside to help send their kids to the camp they sponsor.

    Do you know any teenagers who would be willing and able to watch your son? Teenagers should understand that you are unable to pay a lot and they should not be paid the amount adults get anyway (which is for food, insurance, upkeep of supplies, ect). When my difficult child was 12 years old, he was unable to stay home alone and daycare options just didn't fit for us (too old for day care/too young to be home alone with his diagnosis) and I was blessed to find a 15 year old boy to watch him. This kid was awesome and well worth the 15/20 minute drive one way to get him every day. It was so good for difficult child to have the older boy to do things with. They rode bike, played ball, had lunch ready for me when I got home from work (grilled out). My Diva was still home at the time but she was not the person to take care of difficult child.

    Diva's friend (mother to her Goddaughter) wants difficult child to help watch her 3 year old daughter from time to time this summer. Diva suggested $15 per day but I told her $10 was generous being that the girl usually sleeps until about 9:00 and I would pick both of them up at 12:30 to go home to take care of Chewy and then maybe to a park, library, whatever. I explained to difficult child that she can not afford $15 per day even though it may not be very often.
  7. keista

    keista New Member

    :consoling: Yeah, we have a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOng summer break down here. Come to think of it, that Christmas break is pretty Looooooooong too. Seems like our kids go to school fewer days than the rest of the country :sigh: I used to send DD1 (and when she got old enough DD2 also) to a summer camp run by County Parks and Recreation. It was *affordable* compared to private camps, but stretched my budget to the max, but it gave me my sanity.

    As a mom, you do what you need to do. Your situation might not be ideal, but as long as the kids are safe - it works for now. Friends or neighbors dropping in is a great idea. Even if it's random or just once a week. Actually, I think random "checks" might be better so if any mischievous plans want to be created, they won't have a "safe" time to carry them out because they won't know when the next "check" will be. Anyway, your 14 y/o did prove herself responsible enough to handle a crisis situation. Kids will surprise you. When forced to be alone, even difficult children often step up to the plate and perform reasonably well.