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Parent Emeritus
Sundays are hard! (Warning whiny post ahead)
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 466275"><p>Signorina,</p><p></p><p>Hugs to you... it is so very painful. I totally understand where you are at and I have so been there. I suggest you contine to text him now and then, not often, but enough to let him know the door is open when he wants or needs it. It will probably help you feel better to know you are leaving the door open.</p><p></p><p>AND then find things that make YOU happy, that make you feel good. Enjoy your other kids and do stuff for and with them.</p><p></p><p>Your son has to find his own way and right now he is choosing not to have you do it with him. His rejection of you speaks to his connection to you... he would not need to reject you so completely if he didn't feel a connection or didn't care. He probably needs to do this on his own as a way of separating from you... Separating from parents is a normal part of growing up, but our difficult children have a harder time with it and so I think do it in much more tumultous ways because they don't or can't do it otherwise.</p><p></p><p>I have had some pretty tough times in my relationship with my son, and he has said similarly hurtful things to me... how I am an awful parent blah blah blah. It hurts and at times put me in a place of total despair. Yet when we kicked him out I kept in touch and kept the door open. And when he needed help, and had no where to turn he turned to us.... and he still is. </p><p></p><p>So our relationship is in a better place. It is not yet the close relationship I crave with him, but it is more honest, he is less demanding, is more grateful for our help..... and he is making his own choices and we are respecting those choices and are no longer trying to control him and what he does. </p><p></p><p>So just because there is a rift now there may not be a rift forever.. the key is to keep the door open but don't wait around for him to call or text you. He is not ready to do that right now but it doesn't mean he won't ever be ready. He will and when he is you can be there for him.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 466275"] Signorina, Hugs to you... it is so very painful. I totally understand where you are at and I have so been there. I suggest you contine to text him now and then, not often, but enough to let him know the door is open when he wants or needs it. It will probably help you feel better to know you are leaving the door open. AND then find things that make YOU happy, that make you feel good. Enjoy your other kids and do stuff for and with them. Your son has to find his own way and right now he is choosing not to have you do it with him. His rejection of you speaks to his connection to you... he would not need to reject you so completely if he didn't feel a connection or didn't care. He probably needs to do this on his own as a way of separating from you... Separating from parents is a normal part of growing up, but our difficult children have a harder time with it and so I think do it in much more tumultous ways because they don't or can't do it otherwise. I have had some pretty tough times in my relationship with my son, and he has said similarly hurtful things to me... how I am an awful parent blah blah blah. It hurts and at times put me in a place of total despair. Yet when we kicked him out I kept in touch and kept the door open. And when he needed help, and had no where to turn he turned to us.... and he still is. So our relationship is in a better place. It is not yet the close relationship I crave with him, but it is more honest, he is less demanding, is more grateful for our help..... and he is making his own choices and we are respecting those choices and are no longer trying to control him and what he does. So just because there is a rift now there may not be a rift forever.. the key is to keep the door open but don't wait around for him to call or text you. He is not ready to do that right now but it doesn't mean he won't ever be ready. He will and when he is you can be there for him. TL [/QUOTE]
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Sundays are hard! (Warning whiny post ahead)
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