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Parent Emeritus
Support for Dotty - the new thread. :-)
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<blockquote data-quote="SunnyDay" data-source="post: 609440" data-attributes="member: 17047"><p>I found this thread today and can not help but wonder how Dotty is doing? I really feel for her and can totally relate. I found myself in a similar situation. If you read this Dotty, I want to tell you to stop beating yourself up! You did what you felt in your heart was the right thing to do for your child. Your actions were out of love. I have learned as well that no matter my intentions, I cannot change my daughter's mind. I can't make her see the mistakes she is making. She also has chosen her manipulative boyfriend over me and her family. What I have chosen to do is push the birdie out of the nest and let her fly. I emptied her room and now remodeling every space she and the by occupied. You see, I too went back and forth over the last 2 years getting mad and telling her what I thought then apologizing when it was clear she would choose him over us. Finally, I realized I could not live a lie. I could not accept someone in my family who was that wrong on all levels. Looking back, the biggest mistake I made was apologizing and feeling guilty. As a parent we have to do what we feel is right for our children no matter what age they are. If they are adults and don't want to listen, that is their choice, but we do not have to change our own values for theirs. We don't have to compromise our own belief system to keep them. If they are going, they are going to go anyway. I chose to let her go and to move on with my own life. To involve myself with my other children and grandchildren. I also feel a loss, but at the same time, a sense of freedom. Free from lying and pretending to like someone I do not, no longer having to accept someone I don't want in my life. My house feels like a big rain cloud has been lifted. I am free! Don't lose your own self-respect by cowering down and taking all the blame. Let her go and find yourself. Live your life by your own standards and hold your head up high. You did nothing wrong!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SunnyDay, post: 609440, member: 17047"] I found this thread today and can not help but wonder how Dotty is doing? I really feel for her and can totally relate. I found myself in a similar situation. If you read this Dotty, I want to tell you to stop beating yourself up! You did what you felt in your heart was the right thing to do for your child. Your actions were out of love. I have learned as well that no matter my intentions, I cannot change my daughter's mind. I can't make her see the mistakes she is making. She also has chosen her manipulative boyfriend over me and her family. What I have chosen to do is push the birdie out of the nest and let her fly. I emptied her room and now remodeling every space she and the by occupied. You see, I too went back and forth over the last 2 years getting mad and telling her what I thought then apologizing when it was clear she would choose him over us. Finally, I realized I could not live a lie. I could not accept someone in my family who was that wrong on all levels. Looking back, the biggest mistake I made was apologizing and feeling guilty. As a parent we have to do what we feel is right for our children no matter what age they are. If they are adults and don't want to listen, that is their choice, but we do not have to change our own values for theirs. We don't have to compromise our own belief system to keep them. If they are going, they are going to go anyway. I chose to let her go and to move on with my own life. To involve myself with my other children and grandchildren. I also feel a loss, but at the same time, a sense of freedom. Free from lying and pretending to like someone I do not, no longer having to accept someone I don't want in my life. My house feels like a big rain cloud has been lifted. I am free! Don't lose your own self-respect by cowering down and taking all the blame. Let her go and find yourself. Live your life by your own standards and hold your head up high. You did nothing wrong! [/QUOTE]
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