support for enfocring boundary

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by compassion, Dec 10, 2008.

  1. compassion

    compassion Member

    I have been letting difficult child go to freind's several nights a week but need to know where she is at all times. She was going over there and to a movie. She said today she went to a movie but found a CD she had recorded at the club. So, staying calm, continuing to support her sobriety and health. No lap top, no going to friend's for a week. She can do to youth group tonight, volleyball, voice, volunteer work, family stuff . Just need the support to back this one up. Compassion
     
  2. Wishing

    Wishing New Member

    I like the idea of mentioning first all the places that are allowed and then say what is restricted and she needs these boundaries to stay safe. You don't say how old she is.
     
  3. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    How about adult supervision? I assume that you are in contact with the family whose friends house she is going nights per week. Talking over with other parents what you hope they are doing: supervising, encouraging getting permission befor making plans, calling when arriving at destination, calling when leaving to return home and any stops along the way delaying.
    What I have been suggesting to my teen is that although it may feel like it is
    intrusive the fact is if anything happens now, when they are roommates with others, when they have an employer, ect that calling and saying what is so is part of responsive relationships.
    Also it aids a teen ager TO THINK about what they are doing.
    Is she in any dance classes? I firmly believe that dance is a tool for mental health and that avenue may help her throughout her life.
     
  4. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    Have you made a complaint to the Mayors office requarding this club?
    Business is business and if the place is contributing to teen drinking and drug use and so forth: contact between adults and underage ect. Then perhaps the larger problem will help to defuse the impact on your family.
    Does the club have any survelence cameras inside? Maybe a small amount of investigation can illiminate a hazard in your area.
    ARe there any appropriate teen centers where underage can have the band play that is so popular with supervision and not substances involved?
    The club has to have insurance to have this type of event and maybe if that company learned that underage are at risk due to the permissive and illegal practises...even letting teens loiter in the parking area...the "problem" might disappear.
     
  5. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Sorry, but I wouldn't be letting her go anywhere without a very trusted adult along. She really hasn't been clean long enough to be trusted to not use while at her friend's.

    Since she did break the rule and go to the club (no matter what the reason), I'd completely ground her for a week and the next week would only be the list you gave. The friend's house would be off limits for at least two weeks. I would, however, allow her to have friends at your home.
     
  6. compassion

    compassion Member

    She is 15. She claims she did not go. That it was a CD she got at the club on Sunday. I asked her to produce a movie receipt and wanted to call the freind/dad she went to movie with and she got very upset. I do want to trust her, I do want to trust her!!!! It just takes time.
    I guess I have decided to let her got to the youth group and check out with the friend-ask her what movie they went to and when.
    Supporting her sobriety and health. Warrior moms unte!!!! Compassion
     
  7. compassion

    compassion Member

    This isa real comunication issue. It appears she really did get the CD Sunday night but it said Dec. 9, 2008 on it -it was a pre-release. A more typical commicator would be able to sy, hey, I got this Sinday night. I went to the show at such such theatre at such and such time. Sje s sointo individuating from me and so into me not communciating with her freinds or parents and she herself has really severe lack of communicaiton skills.
    Plus, trust is a huge issue. She has run dozens of times June-Nov. Her ltest thing-she did this again last night is I m bored so take me right now: my husband had just returned from work and we had not eaten dnner. She refuses to be driven by me. At first she demands to be taken to her freind's but seh had alreadyleft and her dad said she would take her tho the youth grouop. It made no sense-it is farther to her house than to the youth groupSo, my husband and I did eat a bit and then he took her over to the youth group. It is taking a lot of patince. I want to go to Al-Anon tonight but I am exhausted. Perhaps I can nap a bit. Compassion The good news: she has not run in 23 days and she has not used substances. Compassion
     
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