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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 282188" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Bless you for your good friendship, however the child's future and the way she is handled has a lot to do with many variables (I adopted six kids--twice it did not work out). Please understand that parenting style often has no bearing on how a disturbed child turns on. Some of it is the luck of the genetics and most of our kids here do not respond to typical parenting styles anyway. So I'd go easy on her in that regard and continue to bite my tongue. To me, with hindisight about damaged adopted children, I think the best you can say is, "I think you should get her evaluated completely by a neuropsychologist. I hear they do the BEST evaluations and your diagnosis should be checked out." I would not offer advice beyond that--just a listening ear. You are raising kids you gave birth to and it's different from her situation. You can't know how it is for her or her child and none of us enjoy hearing suggestions from people who haven't gone through it. You may also encourage her to join an adoptive parent support group.</p><p></p><p>If the child was drug or alcohol (or both) exposed before being born and was she adopted at birth or later (which can prompt many problems). Was she sexually abused in foster homes? Does she seem to have trouble attaching to her parents? </p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, our adopted kids, with their "iffy" histories and often poor prenatal care, have many issues that other kids don't have and without a real history, it's hard to predict if her diagnosis is even correct (often diagnosis. are wrong). We had to take my son, the one who was adopted through foster care, to many professionals for diagnostic purposes, including one who specialized in figuring out if kids were alcohol exposed/damaged in utero and those who understood the complexities of adopted kids. Alcohol exposure can and often does cause alcohol related organic brain disorders and the kids seem to have no conscience nor do they learn from experience. This is neither the parent's fault or the child's fault. It's truly brain damage and the child needs constant monitoring. Often they are unable to have a conscience. And then some kids have been tossed around so badly as young ones that they have an inability to attach to others (attachment disorder which is pretty much CD). It requires INTENSIVE attachment specific therapy and very specific therapists. These kids learned to depend on one person--themselves--and do not reach out to others and, at the worst end of the attachment spectrum, have no caring of others because at those early years nobody took care of them. It is a very difficult problem to deal with. Google both Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and Fetal Alcohol Spectrum in your search engine and you may get some good ideas.</p><p></p><p>Your friend has her work cut out for her, especially if it took until now for her to realize she had a big problem because early intervention is the best treatment. Would your friend be willing to post here? It would really help us if we had more details. Is there criminology or antisocial behavior on her GENETIC family tree? They are starting to discover that kids born to criminal parents for some reason have a higher rate of crimonology themselves, even if raised away from them their whole lives. Hereditary is a huge thing. Was her early developmental history all right? Does she have quirks? Explosions? Does she seem not to "get it" or to understand right from wrong?</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the board. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 282188, member: 1550"] Bless you for your good friendship, however the child's future and the way she is handled has a lot to do with many variables (I adopted six kids--twice it did not work out). Please understand that parenting style often has no bearing on how a disturbed child turns on. Some of it is the luck of the genetics and most of our kids here do not respond to typical parenting styles anyway. So I'd go easy on her in that regard and continue to bite my tongue. To me, with hindisight about damaged adopted children, I think the best you can say is, "I think you should get her evaluated completely by a neuropsychologist. I hear they do the BEST evaluations and your diagnosis should be checked out." I would not offer advice beyond that--just a listening ear. You are raising kids you gave birth to and it's different from her situation. You can't know how it is for her or her child and none of us enjoy hearing suggestions from people who haven't gone through it. You may also encourage her to join an adoptive parent support group. If the child was drug or alcohol (or both) exposed before being born and was she adopted at birth or later (which can prompt many problems). Was she sexually abused in foster homes? Does she seem to have trouble attaching to her parents? Unfortunately, our adopted kids, with their "iffy" histories and often poor prenatal care, have many issues that other kids don't have and without a real history, it's hard to predict if her diagnosis is even correct (often diagnosis. are wrong). We had to take my son, the one who was adopted through foster care, to many professionals for diagnostic purposes, including one who specialized in figuring out if kids were alcohol exposed/damaged in utero and those who understood the complexities of adopted kids. Alcohol exposure can and often does cause alcohol related organic brain disorders and the kids seem to have no conscience nor do they learn from experience. This is neither the parent's fault or the child's fault. It's truly brain damage and the child needs constant monitoring. Often they are unable to have a conscience. And then some kids have been tossed around so badly as young ones that they have an inability to attach to others (attachment disorder which is pretty much CD). It requires INTENSIVE attachment specific therapy and very specific therapists. These kids learned to depend on one person--themselves--and do not reach out to others and, at the worst end of the attachment spectrum, have no caring of others because at those early years nobody took care of them. It is a very difficult problem to deal with. Google both Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and Fetal Alcohol Spectrum in your search engine and you may get some good ideas. Your friend has her work cut out for her, especially if it took until now for her to realize she had a big problem because early intervention is the best treatment. Would your friend be willing to post here? It would really help us if we had more details. Is there criminology or antisocial behavior on her GENETIC family tree? They are starting to discover that kids born to criminal parents for some reason have a higher rate of crimonology themselves, even if raised away from them their whole lives. Hereditary is a huge thing. Was her early developmental history all right? Does she have quirks? Explosions? Does she seem not to "get it" or to understand right from wrong? Welcome to the board. :happy: [/QUOTE]
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