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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 282201" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>You are a true friend. I can count on one hand the number of people who supported the things we did as parents to raise our difficult child (Gift from God aka the child that brought you here). I am blessed that my parents are among those people.</p><p></p><p>The first thing you can do is to tell your friend about us, even send the board info to her in an email. </p><p></p><p>Biting your tongue and letting her vent as needed to you is an amazing gift. So many people don't understand that the "normal" parenting just doesn't work. Our kids are motivated by different things than most. Many of our kids are just "wired" wrong. The normal messages don't get through.</p><p></p><p>Encourage her to seek out a doctor who does not throw the Conduct Disorder label around. While it may have fit my child at age 8 -13, it no longer fits. If we had not fought to keep that out of his school files and current doctor's file then he might not ever have gotten the right help.</p><p></p><p>By realizing that because of the drug/alcohol abuse while in utero the child may not be able to link cause and effect (if I do this, then that will happen kind of thinking). I know that a binge or 2 of drinking early in the pregnancy can cause this kind of thinking deficit.</p><p></p><p>Is there a way you can watch the child for a bit now and then? or maybe spring for a sitter and take the mom to a movie, or let the mom go and get a pedicure or whatever? </p><p></p><p>I think that reading "The Explosive Child" is an excellent place for you to start. Maybe get a copy for your friend and then discussing it with her might be helpful to you both. </p><p></p><p>It sounds like the child does not have an IEP, or has one that is not providing the help the child needs. If the mom doesn't know about IEP's (individual education plan meant to mold the learning to fit the child's needs and to protect the child ) then encouraging her to look into that would maybe be helpful (if she is the kind of friend you can offer info about this to). You can contact the State Board of Education to ask about parent advocates. This is a FREE service that provides help in getting education that fits the child. MOST parents do not know about htis, or that it can be free through the state. MANY school officials do not know of this! This info might be heavensent.)</p><p></p><p>Whatever you do , make sure that she knows you care about her. make the info and options available without shoving them down her throat. Even if all you can do is listen and try to understand with-o judging, that is HUGE for most of us. </p><p></p><p>If you can provide a cooked dinner every week or three that is also helpful. Esp if the child has diet restriction or food allergies.</p><p></p><p>It would be helpful to suggest having the child evaluated by an Occupational Therapist for Sensory Integration Disorder. It is what they call it when the brain doesn't handle input from the senses in the typical way. Therapy for this is fairly easy and often fun. The school can do this evaluation but it won't be as thorough as a privately done evaluation. Schools ONLY look at how it effects academics.</p><p></p><p>Sending some hugs for you and friend. Maybe we will see "thedasfriend" here at some point.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 282201, member: 1233"] You are a true friend. I can count on one hand the number of people who supported the things we did as parents to raise our difficult child (Gift from God aka the child that brought you here). I am blessed that my parents are among those people. The first thing you can do is to tell your friend about us, even send the board info to her in an email. Biting your tongue and letting her vent as needed to you is an amazing gift. So many people don't understand that the "normal" parenting just doesn't work. Our kids are motivated by different things than most. Many of our kids are just "wired" wrong. The normal messages don't get through. Encourage her to seek out a doctor who does not throw the Conduct Disorder label around. While it may have fit my child at age 8 -13, it no longer fits. If we had not fought to keep that out of his school files and current doctor's file then he might not ever have gotten the right help. By realizing that because of the drug/alcohol abuse while in utero the child may not be able to link cause and effect (if I do this, then that will happen kind of thinking). I know that a binge or 2 of drinking early in the pregnancy can cause this kind of thinking deficit. Is there a way you can watch the child for a bit now and then? or maybe spring for a sitter and take the mom to a movie, or let the mom go and get a pedicure or whatever? I think that reading "The Explosive Child" is an excellent place for you to start. Maybe get a copy for your friend and then discussing it with her might be helpful to you both. It sounds like the child does not have an IEP, or has one that is not providing the help the child needs. If the mom doesn't know about IEP's (individual education plan meant to mold the learning to fit the child's needs and to protect the child ) then encouraging her to look into that would maybe be helpful (if she is the kind of friend you can offer info about this to). You can contact the State Board of Education to ask about parent advocates. This is a FREE service that provides help in getting education that fits the child. MOST parents do not know about htis, or that it can be free through the state. MANY school officials do not know of this! This info might be heavensent.) Whatever you do , make sure that she knows you care about her. make the info and options available without shoving them down her throat. Even if all you can do is listen and try to understand with-o judging, that is HUGE for most of us. If you can provide a cooked dinner every week or three that is also helpful. Esp if the child has diet restriction or food allergies. It would be helpful to suggest having the child evaluated by an Occupational Therapist for Sensory Integration Disorder. It is what they call it when the brain doesn't handle input from the senses in the typical way. Therapy for this is fairly easy and often fun. The school can do this evaluation but it won't be as thorough as a privately done evaluation. Schools ONLY look at how it effects academics. Sending some hugs for you and friend. Maybe we will see "thedasfriend" here at some point. [/QUOTE]
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