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<blockquote data-quote="graceupongrace" data-source="post: 282274" data-attributes="member: 7371"><p>Hi, Thedafan.</p><p></p><p>As others here have said, your friend is blessed to have someone who cares so much. Here are a few more ideas:</p><p></p><p>Try to figure out what your friend needs. One day she may want to vent, and the next she may just want to put her struggles aside and talk to someone who can help her feel "normal," even if only for the length of a phone call. </p><p></p><p>Resist the temptation to compare your parenting skills with hers. She is dealing with a completely different situation, and what you see reflects the way her child is wired, and not her parenting abilities. Here's an example: When you see her seeming to ignore certain behaviors, she may actually recognize that a strong response to those behaviors could trigger a meltdown, and she's choosing to handle it later, out of the moment, when her daughter is more receptive to learning. </p><p></p><p>Give her some credit. There's a very good chance she already has tried it your way, and failed. People always suggest I try an incentive program with my difficult child. I first tried that approach about seven years ago, and subsequently tried several variations -- all of them unsuccessful. It didn't work because, unlike most people, he's not wired to respond to incentives. </p><p></p><p>Keep biting your tongue. You could even say, "Let me know if you want some suggestions; otherwise, I'm just going to listen." And stick to it.</p><p></p><p>Continue to let her know that you care about her. That goes a long way.</p><p></p><p>Be aware that her situation is probably way worse than what you've seen or heard about, and it may even be worse than you could imagine. We're pretty open on this board because everyone here understands the difficulty of raising a difficult child. But I think it's safe to say that we're more guarded with others.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for asking....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="graceupongrace, post: 282274, member: 7371"] Hi, Thedafan. As others here have said, your friend is blessed to have someone who cares so much. Here are a few more ideas: Try to figure out what your friend needs. One day she may want to vent, and the next she may just want to put her struggles aside and talk to someone who can help her feel "normal," even if only for the length of a phone call. Resist the temptation to compare your parenting skills with hers. She is dealing with a completely different situation, and what you see reflects the way her child is wired, and not her parenting abilities. Here's an example: When you see her seeming to ignore certain behaviors, she may actually recognize that a strong response to those behaviors could trigger a meltdown, and she's choosing to handle it later, out of the moment, when her daughter is more receptive to learning. Give her some credit. There's a very good chance she already has tried it your way, and failed. People always suggest I try an incentive program with my difficult child. I first tried that approach about seven years ago, and subsequently tried several variations -- all of them unsuccessful. It didn't work because, unlike most people, he's not wired to respond to incentives. Keep biting your tongue. You could even say, "Let me know if you want some suggestions; otherwise, I'm just going to listen." And stick to it. Continue to let her know that you care about her. That goes a long way. Be aware that her situation is probably way worse than what you've seen or heard about, and it may even be worse than you could imagine. We're pretty open on this board because everyone here understands the difficulty of raising a difficult child. But I think it's safe to say that we're more guarded with others. Thanks for asking.... [/QUOTE]
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