Hello Im new to here. I was surfing looking for something, anything to help me. My YD self harms and gets very low, although nothing has been diagnosed. She feels she does not fit in anywhere, apart from with a group of what even she describes as misfits. She is confused about her sexuality adn there has been one girl that we have felt is very much preying on her and manipulating her. Lots of history to this, and in the end we banned her from seeing her purely because it always ended up in her hurting herself and being very distressed. She never shares this with us, it just ends up that we find out one way or another - usually because I notice she is hiding her arms etc. It makes me so sad because she is a wonderful girl - really bright, way ahead of others her age, and pretty with the most beautiful eyes. But she sees none of this. We stagger from one crisis to another, and now we have hit a new one . I found out that she has been lying to us over and over - she has been to this girls house , and sees her. She has started smoking - although is the most venomous anti smoker to anyone else.and has even now admitted to having taken cannabis. My problem today, apart from having a heart that feels like it weighs a ton, is I just dont know what to do next to help her. She is angry at me for always trying to "fix things" - I dont really understand why this is wrong - I try to help in whatever way I can - but she says my ways of fixing dont work. I can accept that and I have made it clear that I have listened that she feels that. However, I have a young daughter here who is lying to me, doing stuff that she should not be doing - sex- drugs etc etc and I just dont know what to do - to discipline her, ground her, make sanctions - ro what... I am so worried about her running away again (to this girl) or hurting herself or worse.. I am pretty broad minded - I can cope with her being gay if thats the truth of it - but I dont want to sit here and let her be manipulated into it because she is lonely and sad - nro do I accept that she is allowed to lie to me. Its a united front between me and my husband - he feels the same about this girl - perhaps more strongly than I do. YD does not understand what this girl has done wrong. by the way this girls mother has apparetnly bought her cigarettes and taken her home when YD has been upset. YD tells her I am abusive and violent, which is just not true. I have asked this parent to keep away from YD, but they just tell me that I obviously dont understand teens. (this is the youngest of 5 that we have brought up). Without going into details, this family is socially unpleasant - and live more like a commune, with same sex couples bringing up kids (and I dont agree that this is the best way - its a way but not the best way) - and i dont want their influence on my child. Am I wrong? If anyone could give some advice, I would be so grateful. I work with vulnerable kids all the time - (so unlikely to be an abusive and violent person eh?) and do knwo that I understand young people, but its so hard here when I love her so much and am so terrified about what behaviour may follow. Pls help Thank you for reading.