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General Parenting
Support vs. Punishment....
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<blockquote data-quote="shaile" data-source="post: 108143" data-attributes="member: 4123"><p>Greetings..~smiles~</p><p></p><p>This is a constant feeling for me as well. Trying to pick out the difficult child acts from the "typical boy" "typical kid" and "typical manipulative or just doesn't care" behaviors. It is enough to make any parents head swim.</p><p></p><p>Within the last couple of weeks..difficult child has had 5 school related incidents, and been referred to the principals office 3 of those times for ISS. Today they are having their Christmas party and he is spending it in the office. It is very sad but after the initial "mommy heart syndrome"..I have to sit and take serious the thoughts of what it is we are attempting to prevent difficult child life from turning out like if we allow or skirt by these behavioral issues with to soft of a punishment.</p><p></p><p>While I may feel the ache each and ever time..The world is not going to give difficult child a break or extra time to learn and get it right. There are no excuses here, and we haunt him right down to the tiniest of things that would seamingly appear innocent but they always grow to something bigger. Example: Standing rule here is "If it is not yours then don't touch it". It doesn't matter if it is a piece of lent on the floor or a empty toilet paper role because it leads right into "well that wasn't mine and you let me as I'm trying to calmly deal with why he now has some other kids cell phone or shoes. It also goes for touching of other kids (especially at school)..Is that boy/girl yours? Then you can't touch them. Was that rock or stick yours? Then you can't touch it. Was that world globe you zinged at the back of the teachers head yours? Then you can't touch it.</p><p></p><p>You see where I'm going with this. It is taxing on us and irks him off to always hear that phrase and I do often follow up with telling him that it is because we love and care for him that we go out of our way to help remind him because we and him both know he has trouble doing that.</p><p></p><p>It probably will always be a internal struggle emotionally for you with these things. What did help me some in figuring them out was to stop looking at just single events of occurrence and start looking at patterns and it helped me to figure out more clearly where behavior might end up or likely to..which in turn helped determine the amount of discipline to apply to the individual accounts.</p><p></p><p>Good Luck to you and yours</p><p></p><p>shaile</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="shaile, post: 108143, member: 4123"] Greetings..~smiles~ This is a constant feeling for me as well. Trying to pick out the difficult child acts from the "typical boy" "typical kid" and "typical manipulative or just doesn't care" behaviors. It is enough to make any parents head swim. Within the last couple of weeks..difficult child has had 5 school related incidents, and been referred to the principals office 3 of those times for ISS. Today they are having their Christmas party and he is spending it in the office. It is very sad but after the initial "mommy heart syndrome"..I have to sit and take serious the thoughts of what it is we are attempting to prevent difficult child life from turning out like if we allow or skirt by these behavioral issues with to soft of a punishment. While I may feel the ache each and ever time..The world is not going to give difficult child a break or extra time to learn and get it right. There are no excuses here, and we haunt him right down to the tiniest of things that would seamingly appear innocent but they always grow to something bigger. Example: Standing rule here is "If it is not yours then don't touch it". It doesn't matter if it is a piece of lent on the floor or a empty toilet paper role because it leads right into "well that wasn't mine and you let me as I'm trying to calmly deal with why he now has some other kids cell phone or shoes. It also goes for touching of other kids (especially at school)..Is that boy/girl yours? Then you can't touch them. Was that rock or stick yours? Then you can't touch it. Was that world globe you zinged at the back of the teachers head yours? Then you can't touch it. You see where I'm going with this. It is taxing on us and irks him off to always hear that phrase and I do often follow up with telling him that it is because we love and care for him that we go out of our way to help remind him because we and him both know he has trouble doing that. It probably will always be a internal struggle emotionally for you with these things. What did help me some in figuring them out was to stop looking at just single events of occurrence and start looking at patterns and it helped me to figure out more clearly where behavior might end up or likely to..which in turn helped determine the amount of discipline to apply to the individual accounts. Good Luck to you and yours shaile [/QUOTE]
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