Surviving a two day rant...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by ksm, Oct 25, 2015.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Oldest daughter has been on a manic phase for two days. But it's not her fault... And we are suppose to let her rant and rage.... Because it's not her fault...

    Because her best friend moved to another state...
    Because her boyfriend dumped her...
    Because the KC Chiefs are playing football today and she isn't there...
    Because her bio dad has a girlfriend and isn't available to her this weekend, as he has plans...
    Because the depo provera shot made her fat....
    Because her sisters outfits look nicer on her....
    Because her makeup us at bio dads house and he isn't home...
    Because I shouldn't expect her to work on her room today, even though she promised she would....

    The "best friend" was mostly a "user" and she knew she was moving for a couple on months

    The boyfriend is a loser has broken up with her at least 5 times in the past year

    She mentioned the chiefs game to her dad a couple months ago, promised she would save money for her own ticket, (broke, lost job) and her dad only said it would be fun, but not sure if he would gave money for it (4 hours away) in her mind it was a sure thing, but it never was.

    May be the depo did add weight, but so does all the sweets, chips, mac and cheese. I have fixed nice healthy evening meals, and she either misses them, or refuses to eat it, and makes ramen noodle soup or mac and cheese.

    Her sister chooses conservative clothes that mix and match. She chooses trashy things that were too tight before the dp shot... Plus, she would buy dresses... Because they are cute, but not practical to wear any where she goes. Sister buys inexpensive canvas shoes in grey, black, white, and a black pair of flat sandals. She chooses boots, high heels or wedges. But no comfortable shoes that goes with a lot.

    Her make up has been at dad's house for a week. Today was the first time she has mentioned it. Now, her dad isn't home, isn't answering phone, as he told her he had plans for this weekend.

    All her clothes are everywhere but in the dresser or closet. Well, they are on closet floor... She can't find the sack of two new sweaters we bought two weeks ago. Many other clothes have been left at "friends" houses and can't be found. But she refuses to work on it... She will be upset that she can't find don't thing that looks nice for school tomorrow.

    I think all the stress had made me more sick than I have ever been. Digestive problems, respiratory infections, I think I am too worn down to stay or get healthy.

    Thanks for letting me vent... KSM
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    typical teen girl stuff X 100. My 18 yr. old granddaughter can be a total pain and she can go on for days about an issue, and she is not suffering from anything but being teenage girl.
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  3. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    And for the record... I never mentioned any of the mental responses I typed. Not that insensitive to actually say what I am thinking. KSM
  4. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    UGH!! I am so sorry you are having to deal with her ranting. It's one thing if there is some validity to what she is complaining about but it sounds like she will not be happy no matter what the circumstance.
    Hang in there KSM!!
    Glad you can come here and vent to us.

  5. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    How old is your older daughter KSM?
  6. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    I was thinking she is close to 18, but your sig. says 16?
  7. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Hi Ksm glad you are here. Wow about your daughter. I have two sons so didn't go through that level of drama when teens were in the house. But like Tanya said, it sounds like nothing will be good no matter what. Is she frequently like this or just every now and then?

    I don't know about you but after being at someone's mercy like this a few times I am getting up and walking out of the room when it starts.

    If someone's behavior is making you physically sick and it sounds like that's the case, what kind of simple consequences can you make happen that will curtail her behavior or at least make her think before she starts up?

    I do know what it is like to be completely spent over a kid. My son's stuff really began---the really bad part---when he was 19. He was living here with me for a while as thighs continued to slide and finally I had to kick him out. I know it's different with a minor.

    What have you tried with her? Warm hugs today. I hope today is better.
  8. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    AppleCori, she will be 18 in less than 5 months. I tried to change the sig, but it didn't work.

    I did find out part of the reason she is so agitated, she spent Friday night with the friend who was flying to live with relatives. Well, later that night the friend left to go to a going away party, and left my dtr alone at her home.

    This is after the fiasco last month when the same girl said she was leaving, sent her texts that she was at the airport, that she was at her aunts, the. A couple days later they skyped, and daughter saw that she was actually in her own bedroom in the town we live in! They had a week long falling out, but then made up. Her friend said she thought J knew it was a joke.

    I was upset that she went back to being friends with the girl. Now this. Last month when that other incident happened J took off and got drunk and I ended up taking her to the ER in the middle of the night. I wasn't sure what she had drank or taken, and she wasn't forthcoming who she was with. Only told me it was a guy in a car... Took her someplace... Gave her shots to drink...

    I am so fed up with this!! Then she comes home and takes it out on me and her sister... KSM
  9. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    I hope that 'friend' is REALLY gone, this time!

    So, five more months.

    It seems long, but really, it's not.

    Have you started thinking about what is going to happen when she turns 18?

    An exit strategy, so to speak?

    I know her sister loves her, but it might be good for the younger one if she peace and normalcy in her life for the remainder of her childhood.

    Bio-dad seems to have straightened out his life. Maybe he is an option for the 18yo? Maybe he could take over and help her get started as an adult?
  10. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    AppleCori, we have just now got an SED waiver, and have a case plan meeting next week. She is supposed to meet her case manager today. She is to be helped in independent luving skills.

    She would like to live with bio dad, but 2 months ago, she withdrew money from her savings and bought a $200 husky puppy. She "gave" it to a friend but actually he was keeping it for her. Then he could no longer keep it and someone else did. Then that didn't last, so now her aunt has taken it, and took it to the vet.

    We have two cats, and we had told her no more pets. In a couple years, we can start traveling again and I don't want to be tied down to a dog. Plus, daughter has never helped take care of the pets (yes, she begged for the kittens). Her dad does not want a dog at his house either, as he works 12 hour days.

    I wanted her to wait until she had a place to live that allowed pets. She will never find a place in this town that will allow for a large dog.

    She slso did the same thing in January, bought a $150 pit bull puppy and brought it home. We found a good home and rehomed it. She posted on FB that we gave away her therapy dog...

  11. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    I'm just throwing out some ideas.

    Will the aunt keep the dog?

    Maybe you and aunt could share the dog if she doesn't want it full time, so you can travel and she can keep the dog while you are gone? (Dog can be turned over to daughter when she had a place for it? Or re-home it as a last resort?

    Will biodad take the cats if she moves in with him?

    I am not familiar with an SEC Waiver. Will it help her get into a permanent housing situation?
  12. Tired and Hopeful

    Tired and Hopeful New Member

    I cannot really say anything, except I know how you feel. My 40-year-old daughter does the same thing....calls, rants, rages, on and on, and it is never her fault. She is in college full time and off drugs but her mental health is still crazy. All I can do is not answer the phone or respond to FB messages or texts. And believe me, I have learned to do that for my own peace of mind. I am so sorry for you and I know how awful it is when the daughter is a teenager. I truly am sorry, but all I can say is others have lived through it . I know it is hard and I will wish for peace for you.
  13. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Sigh... Day three. And tomorrow will not be much better. We have to get up early and head to a nearby town to have the Nexplanon implanted in arm for BC. This was her Idea, but now she is having second thoughts. All because she said one of her friends in now infertile because of the implant. She is 17... How would one of her friends know she can't have kids... She shouldn't even be trying at this age!

    I guess if she had an ectopic pregnancy, she might have problems, but there is less ectopic pregnancies on the implant than with no birth control.

    Cross your fingers she follows thru with it.

  14. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Oops, we both got ready, then I looked at the appointment. card, and it is tomorrow morning. Glad I didn't drive 60 miles before I noticed my mistake. So today, today I will clean house!! Tomorrow I will poke the bear before 6am... Again...
  15. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Well... it's better than checking the card and discovering you should have been there yesterday. ;)
  16. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    So tired of her drama... I just saw what she posted on FB about how her dad didn't take her to the football game. Here is her post:

    This weekend was supposed to be our big father daughter event and you spent it with your girlfriend, this was supposed to be the big weekend that we were gonna go watch the game, even though we didn't get tickets in time we could have spent the day with eachother watching the game, but no. You are so wrapped up in her you didn't see that I was having a terrible weekend, I tried reaching out to you more than once but u basically told me she was more important, I was hoping you would notice what game was on and think, oh yeah I promised that game to my daughter, but no I didn't even cross your mind.. f**# it I'm done. I'm just done.

    He doesn't do FB, so I sent her a private msg that this was really unfair to him, and if she was hurting that much, she should talk to him privately. She didn't put on there that she spent the entire previous weekend with him. That the game was all her idea, that she said she would have money for the ticket and she lost her job for not going in, and that he told her that he may not be able to afford to go. It was never a PLAN... It was what she wanted to do.

    I told her in the private msg that posting things like this and not giving the other person a chance to talk thru things can lead to long lasting hurts. She replied she didn't care. Aarrgghhh. She did say she hand wrote a note to give him...

    I called her psychologist and left msg that things had really escalated and I would like some feedback at next appointment. they think she is bipolar, but we haven't changed medications... And most the time she won't take the medications we do have...