Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by missy44, Jul 5, 2009.

  1. missy44

    missy44 New Member

    I just read your reply to standswithcourage and you really made me think. Although things are going well (for right now) they are not perfect and I still seem to focus way too much on my difficult child. I have three other wonderful children and a wonderful husband that I need to remember.

    My difficult child is still off drugs, is working and in therapy but I'm noticing his "attitude" is creeping up a bit more now that he's feeling comfortable. He has one of his "old" friends that he's planning on getting together with (he wants to save this young man) on neutral territory and swears he won't fall back again (his girlfriend would leave him in a flash and I would have to ask him to leave our home). I find myself focusing soooo much on the "what ifs". You've reminded me that the control is in my difficult child's hands. He can soar with it or he can leave it, and nothing I do will change the outcome.

    Today, I"m going to focus on my wonderful family and be thankful for what I do have.

    Thank you....
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad that you were able to see the meaning in my post. It never was meant to be hurtful. I also had a period of time where my difficult child took up most of my time and energy. I learned through therapy that the other family members also needed me, and that it was OK to let difficult child be responsible for his own behavior.

    Have a truly wonderful time enjoying your family!
  3. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Somewhere this should be written in gigantic letters! Especially the part where you say that it is okay to let your difficult child be responsible for his/her own behavior. I think that is probably the simplest, truest, statement that gets to the root of everything!

  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Jane I have to agree. At some point we as parents have to realize these children of ours are adults making their own life choices, good or bad.

    That can be tough for many people to get a handle on.

    I'm lucky that I had a good example to I transitioned pretty well. But I know for many it's hard for them to draw that line in the sand, and harder still to move on.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I had no idea I was speaking such a powerful truth. It is just what I see and feel right down to my bones. When I saw the effect that not making difficult child had on my entire family, I was crushed. I had hurt my other kids somewhat, not beyond repair, but some, by focusing so much on difficult child.

    I am glad it was helpful to someone. Makes me happy to know I can help.