suspended already

crazymama30

Active Member
We have had many FBA's, and the problem is that at those times? He does not have any problems.

I read between the lines a bit, and the principal may have said that if you get 3 suspensions, we need to look at alternative placement. And if his behavior escalates? Then he may need the school that has therapists on staff and is meant for kids with his issues.

Yes he has an IEP, and I know what it entitles him to. He has it on the OHI criteria for ADHD, and emotionally disturbed for his mood disorder/behavior issues.
 

buddy

New Member
That's great, I figured that by the way you were talking, Yeah, that is a pitfall of fba's and as I said, you clearly know what would fit for your son anyway. I just personally get worn out from having to remind administrators to make sure we use the IEP process. Since FBA's are not rigid, they dont have to only use methods that count behaviors those days. The records and assessments and anecdotes could be the main tools, and maybe that is also what they did (of course we dont know all of what each other has done already, smile). But I have worked with several psychs and teachers who only use behavior tracking and counting methods, so I just get goofy about it.
 

crazymama30

Active Member
I get goofy about some things too, so that is ok. Right now difficult child's IEP is badly in need of revision, but I am waiting untill I get the neuropsychologist results as the school wants the results too and they are willing to work with them. I want to get it in place for high school, just in case I have problems adding interventions at a new school. I am very fortunate to have a school staff that realizes that we all have the same goal, trying to allow difficult child to do his best.
 

buddy

New Member
:dance:sounds like we have some things in common, it is so nice for me to have people like you to bounce these things off of. Mine too is in 8th and we have a good team. I dont think the principal is a bad person and certainly not the worst we have encountered, and most of all the entire rest of the IEP team has been great. Our big goal is, like yours, to make sure the program is on track and in place before the switch to high school. Luckily, part of the team is a district wide student behavior support team and they follow the child everywhere, including having their own para to stay with the student and train the in-school staff to do the plan consistently across staff and settings. Nothing is perfect, but it is so so much better than where we have come from. Our in home support comes to the meetings too, (you said they were going to do that too right?) and it does make a huge difference for us anyway. Everyone uses the same words and tools. He fusses....says he can't believe even so and so says that, just like my teacher....or my teacher sounds just like you mom....but he functions so much better now, thank heaven. Your kiddo sounds great. I really hope things go well for him. He deserves it for sure, Thanks for sharing and all of your comments since I have joined. I appreciate everyone here so much.
 

keista

New Member
Sounds like a great principal and a great school - a positive learning environment even for difficult children. Pretzeling he learns and grows enough in this environment to stay in this environment.
 
L

Liahona

Guest
Wow, I'm impressed the principal spent an hour role playing. I'm even more impressed that difficult child "got it" and was able to problem solve.:bravo:
 

susiestar

Roll With It
I am sorry that he didn't handle the situation well. Some of our difficult children simply don't handle these situations well until their brains mature in their mid 20's, which leaves us a LOT of time to worry about what they will do, and to handle the aftermath of what they did.

If you can figure out hwat happened, and having a few kids at the school who will talk to you can really help, then you can figure out how to help him learn to react differently. One of the best (and worst) things I did with difficult child was to give him a dictionary and tell him to find some words that sounded like swearing but didn't mean anything bad and to use them instead of swears. I actually paid him for the ones he used from the dictionary (25 cents) and fined him a dollar for each actual swear word he used. So he could go OFF at someone and not say anything actually offensive. Sadly, in my humble opinion, the principal didn't know what the words meant and tried to suspend him for them twice. I went up, with my handy dandy dictionary, and asked why he was suspending someone for calling someone this or that, and how come a student knew what these words meant and the principal didn't? Principal didn't like me, but who cares? He knew he was sunk. He also knew I supported him when difficult child was out of line.

Maybe this owuld help your difficult child - you might have to give him the words rather than have him find them. Start with terpsichorean. Basically means dancer but sounds like it means a lot more. Heck, I used it in a sentence in an essay and got taken to the principal's office for using swear words in my classwork back in jr high. Talk about a red faced teacher and a principal who cackled like a hen he was laughing so hard!!!! Teacher had a problem with smart students, so it became a class challenge for us to find words she thought were "dirty" and were not.

I have two thoughts on the high school issue. FIrst is that yes, he will go off on someone bigger and get the tar beat out of him. WHile NOT a popular opinion, it might help cure him of this behavior. on the other hand, he could be seriously hurt, which would lead to legal and other problems and medical bills. I do think the special high school, if you can observe and see that it is working hard to do what it claims to do, would be an awesome thing. Esp if they truly can understand your son and work to help him understand the world.

I don't worry so much about stigmas. He is going to learn bad things any time he is in a group of people = we ALL do. He iwll also learn good things. THe special school will be where he has a chance for someone to understand what he needs to learn and to help him learn that - until he learns the bascs the rest isn't possible to learn. You can't read Shakespeare until you know your abc's. Know what I mean?? So that might be an awesome opportunity for him to get those social abc's. As for stigmas, they will persist until we can successfully educate the people who believe in them. The more WE fly in the face of stigmas, the better off our grandkids will be.
 

crazymama30

Active Member
Susie, I think someone to beat the tar out of him and put him in his place? Would probably do him some good. My concern is kids now have knives and guns and all kinds of nasty stuff, and I would not want to see several kids gang up on him. My other concern in high school? Is that he would manage to hurt someone seriously and get assault charges. I am sure if he was in a "normal" jr high? He would have already had contact with the juvenile dept.


I am going to wait untill after Christmas break, and will then start talking to principals and meeting with people about high schools. There are 2 that I am considering, and I am leaning toward the theraputic school setting.

and the principal? I really respect him and think he interacts great with difficult child. He is NEVER condescending or blaming, and somehow? He usually can get difficult child to see how what he did was wrong.
 

buddy

New Member
Susie, I think someone to beat the tar out of him and put him in his place? Would probably do him some good. My concern is kids now have knives and guns and all kinds of nasty stuff, and I would not want to see several kids gang up on him. My other concern in high school? Is that he would manage to hurt someone seriously and get assault charges. I am sure if he was in a "normal" jr high? He would have already had contact with the juvenile dept.


For sure this is a huge scary thing. Even without weapons here is what happened to another teacher's kid where I worked...He is diagnosis as bipolar and is a difficult child for sure! Anyway, he was in a hall, a group of kids (happened to be of a specific ethnic group) jumped him. He fought back hard and some of them got hurt. The noise attracted attention and one staff insisted he was attacking them aand the kids insisted that her difficult child started it with racial remarks. He never had a history of that and he insisted that no, he was just walking by. he was charged AND it was in the newspapers and he was branded a racist. The ethnic community these kids were from were out for blood. They were livid (and if it had been true well, then they should have been upset, but also would have needed to realize this is a very disabled child in many ways). WELLLLLL, what do you know, there were video tapes! Why they didn't get released right away??? Defense for my friend is still helping them work through that huge issue. The teacher may not have lied, she may have just been panicked but the tapes showed those boys had clearly gathered and hidden. He was just walking by with books and did not notice them or even glance their way. He DID fight back and our zero tolerance policies have gone amuck around here and he was still told he was fighting voluntarily so no apology for suspensions etc. Makes me sick. Fortunately charges were dropped but only after huge legal bills and tons of emotional hardship for the kiddo, parents, everyone.

A difficult child who has been in (and out) of school with my son for years (she is autistic-not aspergers but medium high functioning in terms of functional skills, aggressive, high iq....) Little squirt sometimes makes mine look tame. I personally love her and have worked with her privately (she was never a student of mine). She had a pbip (positive behavior intervention plan). One day in 6th grade the kids got some little trinkets at a class party before the end of the day. she brought one of those pop up jumpie things into her mainstream class and the popping sound bugged people. She was told to stop but of course didn't/couldnt whatever, and so the ed aid just grabbed it! NOT in the plan! EA started walking out with it and she went after her and bit her. EA charged her with assult. Now, of course biting is NOT okay. BUT I get furious when people do things that predictably will trigger aggression and her physical intevention was not necessary as it was not a dangerous situation. The kiddo would have left the room with appropriate visual cues. Nothing was even tried. Another time she threw a "stapler" across the class and got suspended. Now, given her issues, her parent had only sent the little foam paper "stapler" that kind of punches the papers through. It is like a nerf bullet...really small and light. That kind of thing scares me because some of those same people work with my son and to be so clueless....
When my son has been attacked by anyone (like when he barges in a line because he has no clue about that kind of thing....getting better) he just escalates things and goes into fight or flight. If he doesn't run away,h e swears, fights etc. and it will then affect him for days or weeks after. There is no lesson learning for sure with him. I wish it would be that easy sometimes. Not that I want him hurt but I really wish a logical consequence would work. I would ask them to suspend him if that would have ever worked. Not only hasn't over the years, just makes him stress more and act out more. Physical stuff does't work for him at all. Luckily other things do work, people just have to make sure they follow he plan because it is not typical discipline and that is hard for people who think...he is a kid and should just be respectful and do what the adult says. period.
I had a high school English teacher who would always say...."Ain't no easy answers to nothin' ."
 
Last edited:
Top