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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 465329" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am sorry that he didn't handle the situation well. Some of our difficult children simply don't handle these situations well until their brains mature in their mid 20's, which leaves us a LOT of time to worry about what they will do, and to handle the aftermath of what they did.</p><p></p><p>If you can figure out hwat happened, and having a few kids at the school who will talk to you can really help, then you can figure out how to help him learn to react differently. One of the best (and worst) things I did with difficult child was to give him a dictionary and tell him to find some words that sounded like swearing but didn't mean anything bad and to use them instead of swears. I actually paid him for the ones he used from the dictionary (25 cents) and fined him a dollar for each actual swear word he used. So he could go OFF at someone and not say anything actually offensive. Sadly, in my humble opinion, the principal didn't know what the words meant and tried to suspend him for them twice. I went up, with my handy dandy dictionary, and asked why he was suspending someone for calling someone this or that, and how come a student knew what these words meant and the principal didn't? Principal didn't like me, but who cares? He knew he was sunk. He also knew I supported him when difficult child was out of line.</p><p></p><p>Maybe this owuld help your difficult child - you might have to give him the words rather than have him find them. Start with terpsichorean. Basically means dancer but sounds like it means a lot more. Heck, I used it in a sentence in an essay and got taken to the principal's office for using swear words in my classwork back in jr high. Talk about a red faced teacher and a principal who cackled like a hen he was laughing so hard!!!! Teacher had a problem with smart students, so it became a class challenge for us to find words she thought were "dirty" and were not.</p><p></p><p>I have two thoughts on the high school issue. FIrst is that yes, he will go off on someone bigger and get the tar beat out of him. WHile NOT a popular opinion, it might help cure him of this behavior. on the other hand, he could be seriously hurt, which would lead to legal and other problems and medical bills. I do think the special high school, if you can observe and see that it is working hard to do what it claims to do, would be an awesome thing. Esp if they truly can understand your son and work to help him understand the world.</p><p></p><p>I don't worry so much about stigmas. He is going to learn bad things any time he is in a group of people = we ALL do. He iwll also learn good things. THe special school will be where he has a chance for someone to understand what he needs to learn and to help him learn that - until he learns the bascs the rest isn't possible to learn. You can't read Shakespeare until you know your abc's. Know what I mean?? So that might be an awesome opportunity for him to get those social abc's. As for stigmas, they will persist until we can successfully educate the people who believe in them. The more WE fly in the face of stigmas, the better off our grandkids will be.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 465329, member: 1233"] I am sorry that he didn't handle the situation well. Some of our difficult children simply don't handle these situations well until their brains mature in their mid 20's, which leaves us a LOT of time to worry about what they will do, and to handle the aftermath of what they did. If you can figure out hwat happened, and having a few kids at the school who will talk to you can really help, then you can figure out how to help him learn to react differently. One of the best (and worst) things I did with difficult child was to give him a dictionary and tell him to find some words that sounded like swearing but didn't mean anything bad and to use them instead of swears. I actually paid him for the ones he used from the dictionary (25 cents) and fined him a dollar for each actual swear word he used. So he could go OFF at someone and not say anything actually offensive. Sadly, in my humble opinion, the principal didn't know what the words meant and tried to suspend him for them twice. I went up, with my handy dandy dictionary, and asked why he was suspending someone for calling someone this or that, and how come a student knew what these words meant and the principal didn't? Principal didn't like me, but who cares? He knew he was sunk. He also knew I supported him when difficult child was out of line. Maybe this owuld help your difficult child - you might have to give him the words rather than have him find them. Start with terpsichorean. Basically means dancer but sounds like it means a lot more. Heck, I used it in a sentence in an essay and got taken to the principal's office for using swear words in my classwork back in jr high. Talk about a red faced teacher and a principal who cackled like a hen he was laughing so hard!!!! Teacher had a problem with smart students, so it became a class challenge for us to find words she thought were "dirty" and were not. I have two thoughts on the high school issue. FIrst is that yes, he will go off on someone bigger and get the tar beat out of him. WHile NOT a popular opinion, it might help cure him of this behavior. on the other hand, he could be seriously hurt, which would lead to legal and other problems and medical bills. I do think the special high school, if you can observe and see that it is working hard to do what it claims to do, would be an awesome thing. Esp if they truly can understand your son and work to help him understand the world. I don't worry so much about stigmas. He is going to learn bad things any time he is in a group of people = we ALL do. He iwll also learn good things. THe special school will be where he has a chance for someone to understand what he needs to learn and to help him learn that - until he learns the bascs the rest isn't possible to learn. You can't read Shakespeare until you know your abc's. Know what I mean?? So that might be an awesome opportunity for him to get those social abc's. As for stigmas, they will persist until we can successfully educate the people who believe in them. The more WE fly in the face of stigmas, the better off our grandkids will be. [/QUOTE]
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