Suspended from school for the rest of the year. Problems, Problems, more problems.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jody, May 24, 2010.

  1. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    difficult child didn't like that the teacher sent her to in-house for the day for being disrespectful, so she had showed everyone, a fraction of what I get at home. They couldn't believe it, 5 school administrators, social workers and teachers couldn't redirect her. She cursed and screamed and tapped her pencil and walked out of in-house and the office. They dropped her off at home and drove off. I went to school and found out what she had done. OMG, am I ******, but get this, on the way home from being suspended for a week, she wants to know if she can go to her friends house that very same night. She was screaming that it was unfair that she had already been punished by being kicked out of school. OMG is she kidding me. Friday, Saturday and Sunday were days of misery for me. She taunted and teased me and called names and was smart mouth about everything. I went to my room and just laid on the bed and sobbed because I am so sick of this, and get this the brat is standing at my door laughing at me. Who sees someone so distraught and laughs about it???? I came to work at 7:00 am this morning because I couldn't take it. She was up at 6 something screaming at me and call me the B word because I told her to take her medicine. I went to church yesterday to try and keep my sanity and she sits in front of the door and doesn't want me to leave because she wants to know what I am going to tell the pastor why she hasn't been coming and then begs and pleads and falls on the ground begging me to lie and say she visited another church. I told her I wasn't lying for her and then when I got home, what did you tell them, what did they say? I did not engage in a conversation with her at all about it. I look at her and can't stand to, I tried to bring out some feeling of love deep within me so I began to look at baby pictures, which would normally do that but now I feel nothing, numb, sad that I had her, mad that I made that mistake and am still paying for it for so many years. How many more years do I have to go thru this??? There is a scripture that says no weapon formed against me shall prosper. It is a beautiful song. I love I need you to survive. They always say God will not be more on you than you can bear. I am beginning to wonder how much more is that? I don't drink, smoke or do drugs, and I hate to even admit this as a christian, but I am looking for anything to dull the pain. I know it creates a whole new set of issues, but not hearing her when she begins her ****, and not caring sounds so much better than just taking it all. I used to see the mental illness in my daughter, but now I am all out of compassion and I am all out of strength to help her. I don't want to go home. No more places for her to go. My pastor and his wife are getting ready to go out of town. How desperate do you get before you just walk away, and suffer the consequences of whatever that may be. Thank god that my easy child is such a sweet girl, I would not have gone on if it had not been for her, life without her kindness and her support would definately not be worth living if I had to continue to do this everyday. I can't stand it. It's getting worse, she's so awful. I am done fighting for that kid and she's only 11, I just want her meaness out of my life. I can't continue to look at her anymore.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi. I can feel your frustration at the situation and I'm sorry you are going through this.
    Are you satisfied that she has been diagnosed and medicated correctly? To make it easier on yourself, as well as helping her, you may want to get a second opinion. Certain medications make violent-prone kids even worse. ADHD medications can be bad if your child has a mood disorder. So can antidepressants. You don't list her medications, but that could help us.
    Has she ever seen a neuropsychologist? If you live in the Chicago area, I know where I'd take my child for help (I used to live in the Chicago burbs). If you are interested, PM me and I'll give you my suggestion. Obviously, the help she is getting now is not working.
    Do you have any relatives who can take her off your hands at times? What about her biological father? Also, remember you have a serious mental health issue yourself...are you taking good care of yourself? That is so important. If you don't take care of yourself, you can't help anyone else either.
     
  3. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Sounds like it may be time for a psychiatric hospital stay. When was her last one?
     
  4. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    March this year. They just say there is no medicine for ODD and she has to start using her coping skills and making better choices. Get for real, how do you get them to go color when they are so mad and destroying the house. That is one of her coping skills. Coloring. She has a pillow to hit on instead of me, she can go lay down, read a book or listen to music.
     
  5. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Please keep me in your prayers as I head home to deal with her. I am hoping that we can get thru a night without the major drama. Thank you for listening to me, when I am distraught with all of this. I appreciate you all so very much. I am wondering about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Can anyone tell me what medications there kids take if they have this diagnosis. I see that online it says they won't diagnosis a child with this they have to be over 18. is that right or am I worng.
     
  6. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    If your daughter is not getting better, one of three options is occurring:
    1) the medication is wrong
    2) the dose is wrong
    3) the diagnosis is wrong

    If her current psychiatrist won't make any changes, you need to:
    1) seek a second opinion OR
    2) hospitalize her

    Nothing is going to change until you make some changes.
     
  7. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I definately believe that the medication is wrong. I am telling this to the therapist and to the Psychiatrist, all 5 that we have seen, her regular and the hospital doctors. My insurance is thru the state of Illinois and people all over our state travel to go to the Dr. that she has. I don't have the funds to pay for a private Dr. off of her insurance and they are the only child psychiatrist in our area that takes medicaid. The one thing that I can say for her psychiatrist, while she is not making my daughter better she is very supportive of me. She knows what kind of parent that I am and she knows the games that difficult child plays. I am sure that she has see them many times. She is very respected in this area and I do respect her but I do have a problem with this label issue. I don't want a label I want an answer of some kind, some relief of some kind. Everytime that I hospitalize her they tweek the medicine she is on, and it works for a short time, and they all pretty much agree that she makes very bad choices. i just want to know why she makes these choices, it almost seems like no one would want to be this miserable if they could make another decision to be happy. She is pretty darn happy if everything is done as she wants and if she can control the situation and if she can't control the situation or environment than she is going to have the last word because she just for some reason has this drive to do so. Does sound like a hospitalization is going to be in her near future though. The more she escalates/the more violence begins to come into play. We will have no choice.
     
  8. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    When an 11-year-old on Adderall and Wellbutrin is violent, it is usually the medications that are making her violent. It is typically not about making bad choices. I've had it happen to both my son and middle daughter. When they got on the right medications, the violence disappeared.
     
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending many hugs, lots of support, and my rhino skin so her hatred just bounces right off you. I can't even count the number of times I've been at the end of my rope with my daughter.
     
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    There are some places that will.

    I sent you a private message. I feel so bad for you and your situation.
     
  11. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Jody,

    I totally agree about the medication combo - there's a pretty darn good chance meeds are contributing to the level of violence and aggressive behavior.

    Hugs to you.

    Sharon
     
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Many hugs. Things sound extremely rough right now. I definitely agree the medications could be making things worse.
     
  13. vja4Him

    vja4Him Guest

    I had similar problems with my older son .... I called 911 when he threatened to kill himself. The police took him to the mental health center for evaluation (around 10:30 p.m.). They transferred him to a local group home (only temporary). This house was a good place for my son to go. They allow the kids to stay there for maximum 15 days. It really helped my son. I visited a couple times, just for counseling.

    My son went to that home three times! He really liked it there, and learned some good things that have helped him. Maybe you could look into a similar program ....
     
  14. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Thank you for the rhino skin and prayers. I went home and she seemed to be in a fairly decent mood. Manipulation. She wanted out of her grounding. 2 1/2 hours from 5-7:30 pm she screamed and stomped and beat on the desk, and threw a major tantrum. I laid in my bed and turned the tv on as loud as it would go, I don't even know what was on, but everytime I heard someone on tv laugh I fake laughed as had and as loud as I could. She heard me having a good time despite her trantrum and she became louder and so did I. She eventually went outside and sat in a lawn chari and came back in as if nothing happened. Then she watched tv with me and gave me a kiss and said I love you. What in the world is that???? This morning back to the usual, cursing and carrying on. Glad to be at work, thank you for the good thoughts and everything, it sustained me one more day of difficult child. Ugh.
     
  15. idohope

    idohope Member

    Hugs to you.

    She sounds a lot like my difficult child. Tantrums where she is cursing and calling me a stupid idiot and slapping and kicking me and then a couple of hours later saying I love you and could I cuddle with her.

    It is exhausting and you need to take care of yourself. I recently started taking medications for depression and I did not realize how much of myself I had lost from the constant stress of trying to hold everyone together at home.

    We are just starting the medication route for difficult child so I have no advice there.

    Sounds like you need respite or psychiatric hospital for difficult child. Hang in there.
     
  16. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    She is going to the hospital. I called them and they said that they agree medication is not helping and she needs to be evaluated. I want and need her to go, but not liking that she can manipulate them into believeing she is well and then she starts acting a fool as soon as we get to the car in the hospital parking lot. She never comes home any better. I can't leave work right now to take care of her because I am close to being in trouble for all of these issues and having to leave. Stress, stress, stress. I will be getting her there real soon though. Shortly.
     
  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Jody...do they know you are bipolar? If a parent is bipolar there is a greater chance that the child is bipolar. I would really make a layman's guess that maybe her symptoms are more from something other than what they have diagnosed her with and she needs different medications. I would really let them know you are bipolar if you havent.
     
  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so glad she is going to the hospital. She really needs to be re-evaluated. I would push the hospital to take her off the stimulants and anti-depressants. Tell them when ou take her. Then when they call or you go to speak with them for "family counseling" tell them again. Does the psychiatric hospital call you to get your approval for new medications? When my son was in the psychiatric hospital they called me for each medication change.

    You may want to write down a list of first line mood stabilizers and antipsychotics. Mood stabilizers are lithium, lamictal, and depakote (there is another one or two that I just cannot remember now). Antipsychotics are risperdal, seroquel, abilify, zyprexa, and geodon. I would not ask outright for these medications, but I would ask for them as mood stabilizers and antipsychotics. Antipsychotics are to help the aggression and violence. The non-stop screaming, etc....

    Whatever medication they suggest, be sure to understand what type of medication it is and what it is supposed to do. Get some current videos of her on your cell phone or whatever. Just snap them today when she cannot get what she wants and flips out. They need to be current or the "experts" will want to believe difficult child when she says she doesn't do that anymore.

    {{{{{hugs}}}}} I hope the hospital is able to help. Pamper yourself while she is gone, as much as you can.
     
  19. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Mood stabilizers:
    Depakote
    Lithium
    Lamictal
    Trileptal
    Tegretol

    Atypical Antipsychotics:
    Risperdal
    Seroquel
    Abilify
    Zyprexa
    Geodon
    Invega
    Saphris
    Fanapt

    Here is a link to the Treatment Guidelines on the Child and Adolescent Bipolar Foundation website (written by child and adolescent psychiatrists):
    http://www.thebalancedmind.org/sites/default/files/treatment_guidelines.pdf
     
  20. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Janet,
    I always let them know that I am bi-polar. They always say they don't want to put a label on a child so young. Same answer across the board. I don't understand it. I had a therapist tell me that he watches her rapid cycle in an hour many times. yet he's not the Dr so no diagnosis.

    Susie, she took risperdal and it helped but she gained so much weight in 3 months they took her off of it. I will be more direct than I have been. It's not that they intimidate me but then they start acting like I am a pain in the rear and because of my diagnosis I think they have a right to make me feel that way. Like we know she's going to be a problem.
     
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