difficult child didn't like that the teacher sent her to in-house for the day for being disrespectful, so she had showed everyone, a fraction of what I get at home. They couldn't believe it, 5 school administrators, social workers and teachers couldn't redirect her. She cursed and screamed and tapped her pencil and walked out of in-house and the office. They dropped her off at home and drove off. I went to school and found out what she had done. OMG, am I ******, but get this, on the way home from being suspended for a week, she wants to know if she can go to her friends house that very same night. She was screaming that it was unfair that she had already been punished by being kicked out of school. OMG is she kidding me. Friday, Saturday and Sunday were days of misery for me. She taunted and teased me and called names and was smart mouth about everything. I went to my room and just laid on the bed and sobbed because I am so sick of this, and get this the brat is standing at my door laughing at me. Who sees someone so distraught and laughs about it???? I came to work at 7:00 am this morning because I couldn't take it. She was up at 6 something screaming at me and call me the B word because I told her to take her medicine. I went to church yesterday to try and keep my sanity and she sits in front of the door and doesn't want me to leave because she wants to know what I am going to tell the pastor why she hasn't been coming and then begs and pleads and falls on the ground begging me to lie and say she visited another church. I told her I wasn't lying for her and then when I got home, what did you tell them, what did they say? I did not engage in a conversation with her at all about it. I look at her and can't stand to, I tried to bring out some feeling of love deep within me so I began to look at baby pictures, which would normally do that but now I feel nothing, numb, sad that I had her, mad that I made that mistake and am still paying for it for so many years. How many more years do I have to go thru this??? There is a scripture that says no weapon formed against me shall prosper. It is a beautiful song. I love I need you to survive. They always say God will not be more on you than you can bear. I am beginning to wonder how much more is that? I don't drink, smoke or do drugs, and I hate to even admit this as a christian, but I am looking for anything to dull the pain. I know it creates a whole new set of issues, but not hearing her when she begins her ****, and not caring sounds so much better than just taking it all. I used to see the mental illness in my daughter, but now I am all out of compassion and I am all out of strength to help her. I don't want to go home. No more places for her to go. My pastor and his wife are getting ready to go out of town. How desperate do you get before you just walk away, and suffer the consequences of whatever that may be. Thank god that my easy child is such a sweet girl, I would not have gone on if it had not been for her, life without her kindness and her support would definately not be worth living if I had to continue to do this everyday. I can't stand it. It's getting worse, she's so awful. I am done fighting for that kid and she's only 11, I just want her meaness out of my life. I can't continue to look at her anymore.