Suz --- your method worked!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Sue C, Jul 14, 2007.

  1. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    This morning Melissa called at 7 am from new boyfriend's house to ask for the grocery store's phone #. She was supposed to start at 7 am. Last night at 10:15 pm she said she was going over to boyfriend's house to stay overnight. I said wouldn't it make more sense to stay home seeing how you start work at 7 am and we live less than 10 minutes from the store and boyfriend lives 1/2 hour away, and she said she was going anyway. I didn't argue and off she went.

    Anyway, when she called this morning I so wanted to say, "I told you you should have stayed here last night. Then you wouldn't have been late for work. And here they are letting you switch to the deli and giving you a double raise and now you are going to show up late! That's not good." But I didn't. I imagined myself physically stuffing my hand into my mouth and was unable to say any of those things. All I could do was look up the phone # and spit out the numbers. Then I hung up.

    Thanks for the visual.

    p.s. husband called me on the way to work to say that he did not see her Nova in the employee section of the store parking lot. I said new boyfriend must have dropped her off and drove the Nova back to his house. husband said he didn't want boyfriend driving that car and Melissa knows that. It is set up for the race track and he doesn't want the car wrecked. But then he said to not said a word. If the engine or transmission get ruined or he crashes the car, husband will not fix it. I would like to lay into her on this one, but I will have to stuff my hand into my mouth once again.

    Sue
     
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    It's an exercise in futility to say anything to Melissa anyway so if it helps to have a visual to make it easier on you, that's great, Sue. :smile:

    Suz

     
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    You should be proud of yourself. I swear at times they really make it hard to keep from saying something. :bravo:
     
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Whew/phew! It feels good, doesn't it? I'm sure you'll get the full story soon enough!
     
  5. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Good for you!! I learned it is so much better to just keep my mouth shut and let natural consequences take it's course. Next time she says she's sleeping at boyfriend's on a work night just say, o.k. hunny, have a good night.
     
  6. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    Well guess what happened? Melissa came home around noon yesterday. She was supposed to work 'til 2 pm. I said, "Oh, they let you off early today?" She then tells me that she had called work to say she would be 1/2 hour late. They said, "Do not come in. This will be considered a no show." I know that they are only allowed "x" amount of no shows before they are fired (don't know how many). She was not happy about losing an entire day's wages. But then she added, "Oh well, it was my last day of cashiering and I hated it anyway. Tomorrow I start in the deli." (such mature thinking--haha)

    I stuffed my fist into my mouth.

    p.s. Monday she is scheduled to start at 6:15 am. Do you think she will have learned her lesson and not stay over at boyfriend's house and get herself up and to work on time this time??? She has never been one for learning lessons from past mistakes.

    Sue
     
  7. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">p.s. Monday she is scheduled to start at 6:15 am. Do you think she will have learned her lesson and not stay over at boyfriend's house and get herself up and to work on time this time??? She has never been one for learning lessons from past mistakes. </div></div>

    Don't say anything. Her decisions/her consequences.

    Are you guys charging her rent yet? I know I've asked this before but she's been home again for awhile and I don't know if anything has changed.

    Is there any "real" reason for her to work? If she can live at home rent-free, doesn't contribute towards your electric/phone/food bills/etc., isn't accountable for sustaining her own life, can come and go as she pleases, why should she work? Heck, I wouldn't.

    Most of us don't grow up until we have to. Some of us have to grow up earlier than others. She's in her 20's now- it appears that Melissa will stretch this irresponsible "adolescence" as long as she can.

    Stuff your fist in your mouth. It's way past time for Melissa to learn some life lessons....again and again and again, until they start to sink in.

    Suz
     
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I know when Travis was working he most certainly had to pay rent, and help with gas that we used to take him to and from work.

    Once he is working again he'll be paying rent again, that and making payments on his back rent for the time he's been out of work. I even took a percentage of his income tax return, and money from when he cashed in his stocks from wallie world.

    When he whines, and he does, I simply tell him that there isn't a landlord on earth gonna let him stay without paying his rent. If he was out on his own he'd be homeless.

    Keep your fingers crossed and don't say a thing. (I'll be keeping mine crossed too by the way)

    Hugs
     
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