Switching therapists... how much do you say at first appointment?

[ksm]

Our difficult child starts seeing a new therapist tomorrow. We are switching because the one the children had seen since for quite some time also attends the church we go to. As difficult child's behavior worsened, she was really reluctant for him to know about it - as it was "embarassing" to her. Now we are starting a new relationship with a new therapist - and I don't want to go in and "sabotage" it from the start. I am not sure what to say while I am there in front of difficult child. Should I just keep my mouth shut? Type up a list of behaviors and hand to her? Let difficult child say what her problems are? But should would minimize that there even is a problem! Or the problem is all me. The therapist won't have the previous records yet - as she said she would have me sign a form and then request what she needed.

I just want her to know how bad things sometimes are. I think it will be hard for her to realize that when this picture perfect 13yo girl walks in like she is the poster child for well adjusted teens. No kidding. Most people would never believe what happens at home. KSM

 

[Malika]

Well, this is what I would do (not saying it is what you should do ): I would, at some point earlyish in the conversation, turn to my daughter and say, "I would like to talk about our perceptions of how things are at home. Would you let me give my sense of that, and then you respond to what I have said if you would like?"
Of course, things never happen the way we expect... I hope that this new therapist is a good one. Let us know.

 

[keista]

It really depends on the therapist. The first two we went to had their own question forms to asses the situation. They asked about EVERYTHING, even irrelevant stuff. The current one asked what I had brought them in for, and then started asking questions targeted to those problems. This one (two actually) don't even know the situation with the kid's father. They just know he doesn't live in the house.

No, you can't leave it all up to difficult child. Malika's suggestion is a pretty good one. "Our perceptions" is a great way to phrase it. It also depends on if these will be family sessions or individual ones. If individual, the therapist may eventually (if not at first) ask for a session with just you.

The GOOD news is that if difficult child finds it 'embarrassing', she KNOWS that her behavior is 'off'. Which means that to at least some degree, she does not want to behave that way and is remorseful. The trick is in getting her to acknowledge that on a daily basis and WANT to change it on a daily basis.

 

[JJJ]

Under my signature is a link to an outline for a Parent Report, I would suggest creating one and keeping it updated. Then you just hand it to each new therapist/psychiatrist.

 

[DammitJanet]

Not only is the parent outline an excellent idea but I dont think you have time for that now, I would type up a bulleted list for now. Also most of my sons therapist's saw me for about 10 minutes first and then him the rest of the time (maybe had me back in for another 10 minutes at the end if needed). Oh...I was alone the first ten minutes. That gave me time to let them know what was going on during the prior week.

Im honestly surprised you werent asked to fill out some paperwork for this therapist asking for information.

 

[Liahona]

I would e-mail difficult child 1's therapist with everything that had happened for the week. Then when it was time for the appointment I'd verbally tell therapist (what he already knew) a few things. This way difficult child 1 would know that therapist knew and would talk to him. If difficult child 1 didn't know therapist already knew he wouldn't admit anything was wrong. If I went over everything in front of him difficult child 1 would shut down and not talk about anything. But I felt like therapist needed to know everything. This also gave me a written record of difficult child 1 behaviors.