Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, Oct 8, 2011.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    My eldest sis called tonight. (not the one in Texas)

    She said she'd waited until the "flood" of calls died down to call. That was fine. And it was nice of her to call. This sis is a mega difficult child, by the way. Most of the time the gfgdom doesn't bother me, actually I'm so used to it I don't notice it so much.

    Most of the time.

    Most of the conversation went ok except it was pretty much nulled by the fact that she said if I'd really wanted to save money I should've just had husband's ashes put into a paper bag and tossed it in the trash.

    I would've taken her head off if it weren't for the fact she actually was trying to be nice by calling. Who says that to someone who has just lost someone they love? I mean really? Really?

    Now, as I've said before, my mom back in the day took great pleasure bad mouthing husband to all my sibs. What none of them seem to realize is she did the same with all the other in laws, just some worse than others. I don't see family much. On purpose. I've only seen them a few times in 28 yrs. They've spent very little time around husband. He was basically a stranger to them. For about the past several years mom has done an abrupt about face as far as husband is concerned. Evidently none of my sibs bothered to listen to that. Mom came to realize that the only thing she really ever was honestly upset with him about was taking me so far from home. Her attitude changed when I told her the move had been my idea, not husband's.

    Regardless, I spent all those years with the man, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that I obviously loved him. So who in their right mind would say such a thing?

    This is why I hope the sis in Texas has changed her mind about visiting. And why I hope my mom stays away, not because of mom but because someone will have to bring her, and I don't want to have to listen to what they might have to say.

    And while my mom is a major difficult child in her own right, I know she taught the other kids better than that.

    All it took was one comment to throw out every other thing she said.
  2. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Hello. I agree: a very strange and inappropriate comment. If someone said it to me in your circumstances, I would ask her about it - tell her how much it hurt and ask why she said it. Was it some sort of bad joke, perhaps?
    I also know what it's like to have an undesirable family :) You lived your life and made your choices. Good for you.
  3. oldmama

    oldmama New Member

    :rollingpin:what a wacko! Yes, I agree.. totally tacky and disrespectful... some people just blurt out every stupid thought that crosses their mind without first clearing it with the commonsense section of their brain first... ugh!
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    In poor taste. I'll guess she's a bitter ex-wife or wishes she was an ex-wife, it sounds like something we would think (if not say).
  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'm sorry, that was very cruel of her to say.
  6. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Hugs......that is absolutely horrible. I wonder if she was even aware of what she was saying?
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Seems you have said it all by "diagnosing" your sister as difficult child. I have to remind my son daily about things that need to stay in his "thinking bubble". Some of those Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) teaching methods would work well for the non disabled difficult child's in our lives. She needs a social story about not having to say every thought that pops in your head even if you think it is just a joke. I guess it is nicer to think she was just being inappropriate, hope she wasn't just being plain mean. Sorry that happened. Really insensitive.

    By the way, how are you? In my experience people survive the first stage by just making it thru and it can hit so much harder later, I know many of us are strangers, but please know I have been thinking of you and really pray you have moments of peace in every day.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    (((((hugs))))) You did not deserve to have anyone speak of your husband like that but some people just have no manners and even less empathy. Your siblings do not deserve you. Period.

    What goes around comes around. If you were interested in interaction with this or other siblings, I would suggest letting her children know that this is how she thinks a loved one's remains should be treated so her kids don't bother to buy a headstone or urn.
  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    (((hugs))) I'm sorry she made such an awful comment.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So who in their right mind would say such a thing?

    You said it right there.
    I am so sorry. I'm thinking she has no idea how cruel she was. Still, it hurts. A lot.
  11. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    That's just about the tackiest, cruelist, most inappropriate, tasteless comment she could have made to someone who just lost her husband! I can't believe that she didn't know how that would come across to you. NOBODY is that clueless!
  12. keista

    keista New Member

  13. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    This particular sis and I used to be super close. Unfortunately her gfgdom has grown horribly worse over the years, not better. I've as yet nailed down a diagnosis for her, mostly because she has several different things going on which mucks up the water. I strongly suspect schizophrenia and have since her mid 20s, but I think she's more like my aunt than my mom and leans far more toward shcizoeffective disorder due to the mood issues. And she's got some heavy duty borderline traits, if not the disorder itself. Her version of reality doesn't even come close to anyone else's, hasn't for years.

    And due to a husband (can't refer to him as "dear" in any sense) who ranks pretty close to Star's ex satan himself, she doesn't have a very high opinion of males in general. She's been separated from the man for about 10 yrs but neither will cough up the cash to get an actual divorce. He's managed to weasel his way back into her life by moving in with one of her grown sons.

    And she felt her comment was appropriate because that's what she tells her kids she wants done when she dies. Not that she means it by a long shot, she's hoping they'll do the opposite.

    When they were young my kids used to get so mad at me for avoiding my side of the family, especially Nichole. As adults......they thank me for keeping them at a distance.

    As for me, I'm not doing too bad. I'm not spending my days in tears or anything. I do seem to be in a new phase where looking at images of him is like someone punching me in the gut. It will pass. Same with his belongings which is making sorting through it harder to motivate myself to do. That will pass too. And there are some days when I'm mad at him. It feels like he heaved the whole world onto my shoulders and just up and bailed on me. I know he didn't, but yeah. It was hard enough to face survival as super dirt poor with him at my side fighting with me. Alone.....it's overwhelming if I let myself think about it. Which I try not to. I take it one day at a time.

    Today I'm going to Nichole's bff's baby shower. I wasn't going to, but she's basically just another one of my kids. And I got to go pick out cute baby girl things, which was fun. And I don't mind doing for her because unlike Katie this girl works her tail off. Nichole is coming down and we're going together.

    I'm planning a big Halloween party for the grandkids and Nichole's bff's 2 yr old son. Hope to make it a big deal. I've bought decor on sale and with drug store coupons so that they've so far been basically free. I'm going to make my first scare crow since I was a kid for the porch. We're still thinking of games that will range from 11 down to 2. And there will be pumpkin carving. it's BOP (bring your own pumpkin) This was in the works before husband had his heart attack, although now it's on to a higher scale.

    Been working on projects to sell online for extra cash, I'll let you all know when I get that started.

    Life keeps right on going. And I intend to live it as fully as I can. That's what I'm here for. (and yes, I am mumbling that to myself frequently lol )
  14. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Have fun at the shower. Nice to focus on the bright side of life once in a while. Hope they have lots of treats, I like cake once in a while, smile. (not to say one should emotionally eat, it is just a nice treat every now and then-haha)
  15. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Its much better than what I frequently mumble to myself.

    Hope you have fun at the party.

    Yes, avoidance of your sis would be a good thing.
  16. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Thoughtless, thoughtless, thoughtless.

    You could respond with a "What a great idea! I'll remember that when it's time for YOUR funeral."
  17. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sorry about her comment but if she is SA or even as Aspie she may very well not "get" the inappropriateness. My difficult child has no valuable monitoring system in his head...although, thank God, he has improved a bit. Hugs. daughter
  18. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    You're absolutely right...tacky, tacky, tacky.

    Hope you had fun at the shower!
  19. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I don't care what her problems are. She had NO call to say that to you. I am glad that you kids can now see why you kept them away from your side of the family.

    As for ideas for the party, check Family Fun magazine's website for games. Martha Stewart once in a while has some easy ideas also. Just do a reality check because some of her ideas of "easy" just are NOT unless you have the type of staff she does.

    Are you thinking of craft type projects to sell? I can send easy directions for a simple ribbon ornament made either of 2 ways that ends up looking like that ribbon hard candy. It is really easy to made a bunch of these and they sell very well around our area at least.
  20. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    True, Susie. I'm not excusing her behavior, just explaining. As far as sis goes........last night it peeved me off......but today? ehh I just let it go like I do all their junk.

    The shower was a lot of fun. And of course I got to see Aubrey and lil Oliver.......and that lil guy is so darn cute I have trouble giving him back to mommy. He smiles all huge now. :)

    Most of the stuff I'm planning to sell will be crocheted items. Mainly because it's keeping me sane right now so I might as well make money at it if I can. Although that ribbon ornament does sound interesting I think I'd like to try it.