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Taking it from the top: what is the problem?
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<blockquote data-quote="Ropefree" data-source="post: 222391" data-attributes="member: 6271"><p>The last few nights he has been coming in showing respect for curfew. Yeah!</p><p></p><p>Frankly the point for having therapy is to open the dialogue and to have the</p><p>reason factor (the third person) who changes the manner of the talk...and </p><p>encourages dialogue, negotiation, and airing of issues. </p><p></p><p>My son is a really terrific fellow. And the crissis that erupted over the swearing</p><p>not just that he was, but how and what words...and pushing me the two times. There is no glossing over that. </p><p></p><p>The approach I have has been to respect the developemental level and to speak to the matters at hand with patience, understanding, and presence for what is so. His kindness toward others, compassion, and friendly nature are </p><p>what is obvious. </p><p></p><p>He has anger issues as well. Until this round it has not been so problematic.</p><p>And as it does appear that he is settling down some the fact remains that he has learned these new evasive, close lipped, disrespectful tactics from the </p><p>family systems he is exposed to that are harmful for him and which are not</p><p>healthy for anyone.</p><p></p><p>I very much appreciate that you have taken time to offer a better fit for the tone I want ringing in my head and his, Marg. My role is not a power struggle</p><p>here. It is about empowerment and the tools for a successful life.</p><p></p><p>My wish for the new generation is that they are asking for help when needed and discerning what is effective and appropriate for them. And from my best understanding the benefits of staying in dialogue with ones elders through each stage of life is that the bigger picture of life itself with all the snags and pitfalls and predictable outcomes are not discovered by braille in the dark with out any warning, caution, or map sketched out to help travel safely.</p><p></p><p>He kinda blames me the friends do not want to visit over here, yet the apparent attraction was a mistaken assumption that our open welcoming style included not telling parents where their girls were overnight. To bad so sad.</p><p></p><p>Now the no answer the phone family has that at their house because no adults are staying there. How would that go over in your neighborhood? </p><p></p><p>So the rule is home at night by curfew. No over nights. </p><p></p><p>If and when a dialogue and conversation resumes then we can go from there.</p><p>But under this withdrawn hostile tactic I am not persueded that I have to do</p><p>another thing. My consideration is compassionate and if another person is </p><p>actively hurtful wether passively or more demonstatively that infridges on my</p><p>life. </p><p></p><p>The first conselor said that I had to lower my expectations. HUgh? Oh no.</p><p>Something that is as basic as this is not neigotiable. Whine, fuss, snivel,</p><p>mope,get mad, but if you want me to participate then, Hello, I will be needing the mutually repectful grown version talking to me and asking for my attention.</p><p></p><p>I think the sullen, demotivated, hostile teen thing is a form of regression. I think that by clinging to these childish behavors the teen is acting out the </p><p>inner struggle between dependancy and that future...and at this point it is future. A 16 on up without all the elements of an adult life in play:school, excersise,extracuricular, friendships,and a job they are in transition. ANd even with all those at a moments notice anything could happen and they are back in dependancy or they are drifting. </p><p></p><p>I fully feel that what is so very important about this stage is that far to often the youth are lost by neglects.</p><p></p><p>Especially when these are with diagnosis. Society has a habit of shunning. And the </p><p>AA crowd, who are working hard at finding and staying sober, making that choice everyday are testimony to the fact that our society sells just plain </p><p>poison to people. Where is the anhauser bush flophouse for alcoholics?</p><p>The JimBeam hospice for psoriosis of the liver? The Voldka reserve for the completely hopeless? Has the makers of the pcp used in vets offices opened a </p><p>residence for the perminantly impaired who bought their product from the hands of criminals who did get the materials from somewhere?</p><p>So, I am turning to the clinicians who are TRYING to learn how to manage and support the diagnosis, their families, because not enough is known. The fact is the</p><p>status quo, which is visible here, is that not enough is offered, studied, peer reviewed, reasearched and the children being born and raised without the social consern suffer at the hands of profiteers who are waiting for that sale.</p><p></p><p>The care of our children is the most important thing done in all society.</p><p>No mistake about it. Having a mental disablility is something. It is part of what is normal. It is irrespocible to not make the efforts to accomidate and protect these teens with great vigilants and care.</p><p></p><p>More study needs to be done for families. More info needs to be out in plain language that anyone can understand. Specifics to consern and not general attention.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ropefree, post: 222391, member: 6271"] The last few nights he has been coming in showing respect for curfew. Yeah! Frankly the point for having therapy is to open the dialogue and to have the reason factor (the third person) who changes the manner of the talk...and encourages dialogue, negotiation, and airing of issues. My son is a really terrific fellow. And the crissis that erupted over the swearing not just that he was, but how and what words...and pushing me the two times. There is no glossing over that. The approach I have has been to respect the developemental level and to speak to the matters at hand with patience, understanding, and presence for what is so. His kindness toward others, compassion, and friendly nature are what is obvious. He has anger issues as well. Until this round it has not been so problematic. And as it does appear that he is settling down some the fact remains that he has learned these new evasive, close lipped, disrespectful tactics from the family systems he is exposed to that are harmful for him and which are not healthy for anyone. I very much appreciate that you have taken time to offer a better fit for the tone I want ringing in my head and his, Marg. My role is not a power struggle here. It is about empowerment and the tools for a successful life. My wish for the new generation is that they are asking for help when needed and discerning what is effective and appropriate for them. And from my best understanding the benefits of staying in dialogue with ones elders through each stage of life is that the bigger picture of life itself with all the snags and pitfalls and predictable outcomes are not discovered by braille in the dark with out any warning, caution, or map sketched out to help travel safely. He kinda blames me the friends do not want to visit over here, yet the apparent attraction was a mistaken assumption that our open welcoming style included not telling parents where their girls were overnight. To bad so sad. Now the no answer the phone family has that at their house because no adults are staying there. How would that go over in your neighborhood? So the rule is home at night by curfew. No over nights. If and when a dialogue and conversation resumes then we can go from there. But under this withdrawn hostile tactic I am not persueded that I have to do another thing. My consideration is compassionate and if another person is actively hurtful wether passively or more demonstatively that infridges on my life. The first conselor said that I had to lower my expectations. HUgh? Oh no. Something that is as basic as this is not neigotiable. Whine, fuss, snivel, mope,get mad, but if you want me to participate then, Hello, I will be needing the mutually repectful grown version talking to me and asking for my attention. I think the sullen, demotivated, hostile teen thing is a form of regression. I think that by clinging to these childish behavors the teen is acting out the inner struggle between dependancy and that future...and at this point it is future. A 16 on up without all the elements of an adult life in play:school, excersise,extracuricular, friendships,and a job they are in transition. ANd even with all those at a moments notice anything could happen and they are back in dependancy or they are drifting. I fully feel that what is so very important about this stage is that far to often the youth are lost by neglects. Especially when these are with diagnosis. Society has a habit of shunning. And the AA crowd, who are working hard at finding and staying sober, making that choice everyday are testimony to the fact that our society sells just plain poison to people. Where is the anhauser bush flophouse for alcoholics? The JimBeam hospice for psoriosis of the liver? The Voldka reserve for the completely hopeless? Has the makers of the pcp used in vets offices opened a residence for the perminantly impaired who bought their product from the hands of criminals who did get the materials from somewhere? So, I am turning to the clinicians who are TRYING to learn how to manage and support the diagnosis, their families, because not enough is known. The fact is the status quo, which is visible here, is that not enough is offered, studied, peer reviewed, reasearched and the children being born and raised without the social consern suffer at the hands of profiteers who are waiting for that sale. The care of our children is the most important thing done in all society. No mistake about it. Having a mental disablility is something. It is part of what is normal. It is irrespocible to not make the efforts to accomidate and protect these teens with great vigilants and care. More study needs to be done for families. More info needs to be out in plain language that anyone can understand. Specifics to consern and not general attention. [/QUOTE]
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