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Taking the school battle too hard
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 446515" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Had very similar issues re: my oldest son. Won't go into a lot of details because I can still get whipped into a frenzy over it in about a nanosecond flat. Briefly, fought the good fight for FAPE in LRE for a year, against the most morally bankrupt sped director ever and the SD's attorney who... well, I cannot for the life of me figure out why she has a license to practice law, aside from the fact that the SD's in this state *adore* her ability to totally ignore IDEA and get away from it (she's a very popular SD atty). Who, me, bitter? <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>I made the conscious decision, after a year of unbelievable ridiculousness, to walk away from it. My main motivating factor was that my son was being retaliated against. Unquestionably, undeniably, and very well documented. But also, I was a complete basket case. The extent that some SDs will mess with you is astounding, and it takes not only an emotional toll on a warrior parent, but a physical one as well. </p><p></p><p>My situation was different in that Boo will never hold a job nor live independently, so caving into the SD's manure in real terms didn't affect his so-called education, aside from the fact he was put into a program that wanted him, as opposed to being in one that didn't. They religiously taught him for 6 years that leaves fall in autumn, it snows in winter, and beverages on a menu mean drinks. Every stinking year. I had to resort to some very dark humor to get thru those years. Boo of course was utterly delighted whenever he brought home his "school work" because he knew he was guaranteed a show. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/rofl.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":rofl:" title="rofl :rofl:" data-shortname=":rofl:" /> Seriously though, we have "educated" him here at home. Lifeskills, common sense, shopping, self-advocacy (though obviously I inhale forcefully at that, LOL) etc. "School" was simply an opportunity for him to interact with other people. Education was not something that took place there.</p><p></p><p>Bottom line, *if* you have accessed every available resource to you and are still fighting a losing battle, in my humble opinion there comes a time when you have to weigh the personal cost to yourself and your family against the potential of ever making any headway with the SD. When I finally gave it up, I had lost a massive amt of weight, was useless to my family, was completely *obsessed* with- the battle to the point of not sleeping, and was probably a hair away from total collapse. Boo wasn't getting any benefit out of it, and realistically, never would, and at the same time he had lost a functioning mother/caretaker to boot. </p><p></p><p>If you do decide to walk away, it will be a very conscious decision and you will have to really work to stick with that decision. I cannot begin to express the deeply intense anger I feel still over the failure of my SD to educate Boo, and the abhorrent manner in which they went about beating me down, through him. I was fortunate in that sped dir from Hades retired shortly thereafter - if I had had to continue to deal with her... well, it would have been exceptionally difficult.</p><p></p><p>Work with the SD so that the least harm will occur to your son, and rechannel the energy that you've been expending in fighting them towards his real education. Some brick walls just are not going to come down.</p><p></p><p>Just my opinion.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 446515, member: 8"] Had very similar issues re: my oldest son. Won't go into a lot of details because I can still get whipped into a frenzy over it in about a nanosecond flat. Briefly, fought the good fight for FAPE in LRE for a year, against the most morally bankrupt sped director ever and the SD's attorney who... well, I cannot for the life of me figure out why she has a license to practice law, aside from the fact that the SD's in this state *adore* her ability to totally ignore IDEA and get away from it (she's a very popular SD atty). Who, me, bitter? :winking: I made the conscious decision, after a year of unbelievable ridiculousness, to walk away from it. My main motivating factor was that my son was being retaliated against. Unquestionably, undeniably, and very well documented. But also, I was a complete basket case. The extent that some SDs will mess with you is astounding, and it takes not only an emotional toll on a warrior parent, but a physical one as well. My situation was different in that Boo will never hold a job nor live independently, so caving into the SD's manure in real terms didn't affect his so-called education, aside from the fact he was put into a program that wanted him, as opposed to being in one that didn't. They religiously taught him for 6 years that leaves fall in autumn, it snows in winter, and beverages on a menu mean drinks. Every stinking year. I had to resort to some very dark humor to get thru those years. Boo of course was utterly delighted whenever he brought home his "school work" because he knew he was guaranteed a show. :rofl: Seriously though, we have "educated" him here at home. Lifeskills, common sense, shopping, self-advocacy (though obviously I inhale forcefully at that, LOL) etc. "School" was simply an opportunity for him to interact with other people. Education was not something that took place there. Bottom line, *if* you have accessed every available resource to you and are still fighting a losing battle, in my humble opinion there comes a time when you have to weigh the personal cost to yourself and your family against the potential of ever making any headway with the SD. When I finally gave it up, I had lost a massive amt of weight, was useless to my family, was completely *obsessed* with- the battle to the point of not sleeping, and was probably a hair away from total collapse. Boo wasn't getting any benefit out of it, and realistically, never would, and at the same time he had lost a functioning mother/caretaker to boot. If you do decide to walk away, it will be a very conscious decision and you will have to really work to stick with that decision. I cannot begin to express the deeply intense anger I feel still over the failure of my SD to educate Boo, and the abhorrent manner in which they went about beating me down, through him. I was fortunate in that sped dir from Hades retired shortly thereafter - if I had had to continue to deal with her... well, it would have been exceptionally difficult. Work with the SD so that the least harm will occur to your son, and rechannel the energy that you've been expending in fighting them towards his real education. Some brick walls just are not going to come down. Just my opinion. [/QUOTE]
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