Talk me down!

[tiredmommy]

Thanks RFS. Duckie is *almost* a easy child so I think she'll struggle with this stuff for awhile. We've been talking about friends and frenemies and I've been trying to make Duckie see that being in a clique isn't the right thing for her for most of this school year(she almost assuredly would be the lowest on the totem pole). I've been stressing friends with shared interests and not being dependent on one friend or group of friends. I'll look into that book.

One thing I have noticed is that Duckie started to be "out" after she was recently cast in a community play where several of her friends auditioned. Only one other girl in this little popular group was cast, and it was for the ensemble rather than a defined role like Duckie. Not one of them was happy for her and being in a musical is no longer a big deal to those that didn't make it. Duckie's bff's mom asked me why I thought Duckie did so well when the other girls (her daughters included) didn't make it (she wasn't threatened, just curious). I said that a lot of the girls were running around at the audition and I'm sure that didn't reflect well. Plus, Duckie worked very hard preparing for the audition by taking some singing lessons, practicing voice everyday, reading passages aloud and dancing regularly for TWO MONTHS before the audition. She was very happy for Duckie and was glad I told her how hard Duckie worked for it because her daughters were a little jealous that they didn't make it. She felt she could use it as a lesson in working for something they wanted. She also said she was going to talk to them about being happy for Duckie because that's what a friend would be. Also, I realized at the audition that when 80+ kids tried out for 25 spots that there were going to be some very hard feelings to deal with. So Duckie was directed by me not to talk about the call back she received and just answer yes to friends when they asked if she made the production. No bragging, etc. And that's what she did, but a few girls are still jealous. But that's the nature of the beast, I suppose.

And by the way, Heathers is one of my favorite movies! Cornnuts!!! As for her teacher... we're looping into 5th grade. The good news is that she sent me an email about a scheduling issue and made no mention of this. I imagine she would have clued me in if there to be further ramifications on Tuesday.

 

[keista]

Yeah, that jealousy thing is tough to deal with, but often at the core of girl drama and bullying in general. My DDs have to deal with this all the time due to their natural gifts and talents. They always get the "no bragging" lectures, and to try and balance things out, I have them work on identifying other kids' gifts and talents, and in a peer appropriate way, praise and encourage them.

 

[tiredmommy]

***Update*** Duckie has survived the school day!

So Duckie went in to school this morning and mostly kept to herself. At one point, H's bff approached Duckie and told her that she knew what she did was wrong and she was sorry. Bolstered by that, Duckie then apologized to H again and H not only accepted the apology but said she was sorry she didn't accept it when first offered. Duckie is relieved, to say the least.

I ended up going to school this afternoon and handing out freezie pops on the playground to Duckie's class. It was 90 there and they have no air conditioning in the schools here. Her teacher said she was glad it had blown over and had been stern with Duckie (privately) because she wanted to make sure the lesson really sunk in and didn't want Duckie to feel that what she did was any less worse than what H's bff did even if their motives were different. She said also that she was sad for Duckie because of the way she was so upset about losing a friend, she wanted to assure it would be okay but also wanted the lesson learned.

So this drama is over... waiting for the next to begin momentarily.

 

[keista]

Beautiful!!!!!

 

[Andy]

On again! Enjoy it while you can as you prepare for the "off again". The girls did well today!

 

[Star*]

Well, I'm not sure what you did or would do? And I'm not raising a girl ----OH THANK YOU GOD.

But in my humble opinion......

I do belive you need to let them as LDM said Navigate the Rapids (class 6 I believe) HOWEVER - when an adult steps in and (NAVIGATES the situation on HER end where she had NO business sticking her big fat nose in TOO) THEN I think it's olley, olley, oxen free - on the Mom of the aggrieved party. BUT - I would NOT show up and call her out on the gym mat...I'd like maybe call her during class or explain it to her when Duck and the Chickettes were not around - so she gets the full story. THEN - I think the TWO of your should decide how to STEALTH proceed. BECAUSE in my humble opinion - Something needs to be done......

It could just be me- and with Duck hurting so badly? Teacher sticking her wazooo in ........Maybe Duck would like to drive over to H's house and just ring the bell while you sit in the car and have her go in and explain her side of the story WITH her Mom there listening too? Then make sure it's okay for her to still come to the party. I mean THAT would take a lot of courage, BUT it would also explain to the kid and her Mom - (whom Im sure knows ALL about the fauxpaus) where the trouble started, how it got misconstrued, and HOW SERIOUSLY upset Duck is and what lengths she's willing to go to in fixing it.

Good GRIEF I am glad I had boys. SOooooooooo much less ..........Duck-u-mentary.

 

[Star*]

Well you typed, while I typed - so just ignore my type. Good grief see??????? GIRLS!!!!!! This is why I like goldfish. You just can't tell if they are girls or boys. Good job Duck.

 

[tiredmommy]

I like goldfish too.