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Talked to husband last night. Ideas? Thoughts? Am I expecting too much?
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<blockquote data-quote="DaisyFace" data-source="post: 418082" data-attributes="member: 6546"><p>Shari--</p><p> </p><p>I wish I had more answers for you...</p><p> </p><p>I've been thinking about you a lot lately - especially in terms of the "THE farm" vs "our place" discussion....and I think that you do not have a "bad" man - I think you have a man with a questionable belief system.</p><p> </p><p>Let me explain: Some folks seriously believe that all they need to do in life is get "X" - and then everything will be fine. Once they have "X" - they will no longer need to work, or worry about money, or stress about the future, or plan ahead...they can just coast for the rest of their life. And because they have no inkling that there is more to success than just having "X"....they don't see the need to work hard or put in much effort in the meantime.</p><p> </p><p>For some folks, it's a business idea. Once I open my own restaurant.... or Once I invent that..... or Once I write that novel.... They don't view anything as a long-term process requiring commitment and hard work. They just assume instant success.</p><p> </p><p>I have a relative who so fervently believed that "The Rapture" was just around the corner - he did barely anything at all. He saw no need to pursue a career, work hard, or even pay his traffic tickets! We talked until we were blue in the face....but he could not see any reason to put effort into anything that was just temporary. Today? He is in poor health, dead broke, and just moved back in with his parents.</p><p> </p><p>My relative reminds me of your H. They are not bad men. They just don't seem to "get" it. I feel like your H is just waiting....no need to put any effort in to anything becuase once he has "THE FARM" - then he will be "set" for life. Despite the reality, he seems to view that farm as his Golden Ticket. It's probably the reason he thinks your family is "rich". Your family has a farm - a Golden Ticket of their own. Therefore, your family is rich because that's what the farm has come to represent to him. THE FARM = EASY STREET.</p><p> </p><p>And since he is on the path to Easy Street...it's very hard to convince him that he needs to put in any effort anywhere else. </p><p> </p><p>And he wonders: if he doesn't have to work at anything - why are you always making the marriage about who does chores? Why can't love be enough?</p><p> </p><p>Maybe, the two of you need to sit down and really analyze your long-term goals. Where do you want to be in 10 or 20 years ? What do you envision doing to get there?</p><p> </p><p>THAT might be a very eye-opening discussion.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DaisyFace, post: 418082, member: 6546"] Shari-- I wish I had more answers for you... I've been thinking about you a lot lately - especially in terms of the "THE farm" vs "our place" discussion....and I think that you do not have a "bad" man - I think you have a man with a questionable belief system. Let me explain: Some folks seriously believe that all they need to do in life is get "X" - and then everything will be fine. Once they have "X" - they will no longer need to work, or worry about money, or stress about the future, or plan ahead...they can just coast for the rest of their life. And because they have no inkling that there is more to success than just having "X"....they don't see the need to work hard or put in much effort in the meantime. For some folks, it's a business idea. Once I open my own restaurant.... or Once I invent that..... or Once I write that novel.... They don't view anything as a long-term process requiring commitment and hard work. They just assume instant success. I have a relative who so fervently believed that "The Rapture" was just around the corner - he did barely anything at all. He saw no need to pursue a career, work hard, or even pay his traffic tickets! We talked until we were blue in the face....but he could not see any reason to put effort into anything that was just temporary. Today? He is in poor health, dead broke, and just moved back in with his parents. My relative reminds me of your H. They are not bad men. They just don't seem to "get" it. I feel like your H is just waiting....no need to put any effort in to anything becuase once he has "THE FARM" - then he will be "set" for life. Despite the reality, he seems to view that farm as his Golden Ticket. It's probably the reason he thinks your family is "rich". Your family has a farm - a Golden Ticket of their own. Therefore, your family is rich because that's what the farm has come to represent to him. THE FARM = EASY STREET. And since he is on the path to Easy Street...it's very hard to convince him that he needs to put in any effort anywhere else. And he wonders: if he doesn't have to work at anything - why are you always making the marriage about who does chores? Why can't love be enough? Maybe, the two of you need to sit down and really analyze your long-term goals. Where do you want to be in 10 or 20 years ? What do you envision doing to get there? THAT might be a very eye-opening discussion. [/QUOTE]
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Talked to husband last night. Ideas? Thoughts? Am I expecting too much?
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