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Talked to husband last night. Ideas? Thoughts? Am I expecting too much?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 418116" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>You have often said that he wasn't always this way. Men DO go through a period like menopause where their hormone levels can decrease. When was the last time your husband went in for a full checkup, including bloodwork to check testosterone levels and to discuss the possibility of going onto an antidepressant if the doctor sees a need. If this is a big change from the behavior you married (and it sounds like it), even if it crept up a bit at a time, he very well might need a testosterone supplement and/or an antidepressant.</p><p> </p><p>My husband is a gem in many ways. he does all he can because he "gets it" about how all this health **** has snowballed and the pain is nuts (even with medications it is still way high). I do know that he gets overwhelmed, so I make lists if there is something we need to achieve (he shares them with the kids, lol- they pick which they want to do, it is cute, in my opinion to hear them discuss them). A few years ago? I couldn't even get an answer to a request about something half the time. So I dragged him to the doctor as a place to start. We were both surprised by the testosterone thing because we didn't know it changed that way in men. They made a BIG difference and when we added an A/D it was amazing - he was back to taking long walks, geocaching with the kids, doing things around the house, etc... I also know that I feel sort of how your husband feels when my thyroid medications are way low, so that should be checked, along with the A1C for diabetes and the PSA that most men need and don't ask for. </p><p> </p><p>I am throwing this out as a potential. NOT as a reason for you to stop insisting on him truly stepping up to be a partner or else your load being reduced to a manageable leve. It is the kind of thing where I mmight make the appointment for my husband and go if he asked, but if he didn't and he had been the way your husband ahs been for so long, well, that would be the end of my involvement in the issues. After all, it is HIS health.</p><p> </p><p>I do know that most men and women I have spoken with didn't ahve a clue about testosterone levels in guys changing as they aged. Testosterone levels do not always have to be supplemented forever. husband got more active, ate better, and lost some weight and then he didn't need it any more. It was a big surprise because he thought he would be on it for life. Oh, and men's hormones don't come in little pills - they get premeasured packets of gel or a pump that dispenses a set amt of gel - these come iwth LOTS of warnings that females should not handle them which made it interesting when he dumped the packets on the floor instead of in the garbage. Then I had a legitimate reason to insist he empty the trash, lol!</p><p> </p><p>I am glad you let him know how you feel. I don't know if he will, can or wants to change. I DO know that you deserve SO MUCH MORE than this relationship is giving you now. I am relieved that my other post didn't upset you. You have been working so hard to be supermom, Warrior Mom, a great wife, and still be yourself and it kind of pi$$e$ me off to see and hear of so little real effort to change on his part. ESPECIALLY after your accident!!! </p><p> </p><p>Whatevery you choose to do, I'm here for ya!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 418116, member: 1233"] You have often said that he wasn't always this way. Men DO go through a period like menopause where their hormone levels can decrease. When was the last time your husband went in for a full checkup, including bloodwork to check testosterone levels and to discuss the possibility of going onto an antidepressant if the doctor sees a need. If this is a big change from the behavior you married (and it sounds like it), even if it crept up a bit at a time, he very well might need a testosterone supplement and/or an antidepressant. My husband is a gem in many ways. he does all he can because he "gets it" about how all this health **** has snowballed and the pain is nuts (even with medications it is still way high). I do know that he gets overwhelmed, so I make lists if there is something we need to achieve (he shares them with the kids, lol- they pick which they want to do, it is cute, in my opinion to hear them discuss them). A few years ago? I couldn't even get an answer to a request about something half the time. So I dragged him to the doctor as a place to start. We were both surprised by the testosterone thing because we didn't know it changed that way in men. They made a BIG difference and when we added an A/D it was amazing - he was back to taking long walks, geocaching with the kids, doing things around the house, etc... I also know that I feel sort of how your husband feels when my thyroid medications are way low, so that should be checked, along with the A1C for diabetes and the PSA that most men need and don't ask for. I am throwing this out as a potential. NOT as a reason for you to stop insisting on him truly stepping up to be a partner or else your load being reduced to a manageable leve. It is the kind of thing where I mmight make the appointment for my husband and go if he asked, but if he didn't and he had been the way your husband ahs been for so long, well, that would be the end of my involvement in the issues. After all, it is HIS health. I do know that most men and women I have spoken with didn't ahve a clue about testosterone levels in guys changing as they aged. Testosterone levels do not always have to be supplemented forever. husband got more active, ate better, and lost some weight and then he didn't need it any more. It was a big surprise because he thought he would be on it for life. Oh, and men's hormones don't come in little pills - they get premeasured packets of gel or a pump that dispenses a set amt of gel - these come iwth LOTS of warnings that females should not handle them which made it interesting when he dumped the packets on the floor instead of in the garbage. Then I had a legitimate reason to insist he empty the trash, lol! I am glad you let him know how you feel. I don't know if he will, can or wants to change. I DO know that you deserve SO MUCH MORE than this relationship is giving you now. I am relieved that my other post didn't upset you. You have been working so hard to be supermom, Warrior Mom, a great wife, and still be yourself and it kind of pi$$e$ me off to see and hear of so little real effort to change on his part. ESPECIALLY after your accident!!! Whatevery you choose to do, I'm here for ya! [/QUOTE]
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Talked to husband last night. Ideas? Thoughts? Am I expecting too much?
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