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Talked to husband last night. Ideas? Thoughts? Am I expecting too much?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 418966" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Shari, your husband is caught up in a really sick, twisted, <em>wrong</em> cmpetition fueled by his need to be babied/pampered and what seems like true determination to do only what appeals to him. Real life just isn't like that, or shouldn't be. </p><p> </p><p>The statement about not taking HIS child to the park because he would have nothing to do there would be the straw that broke t he camels back for me. I hope that whatever goes on with the counselor helps you to figure out what you really want to happen and what you realistically can expect from each of your possible option.</p><p> </p><p>My husband would be hearing how I couldn't do this, that, the other and everything else "because there isn't anything fun for me to do" when it came to his EVERY request, thought and demand. </p><p> </p><p>especially if he had the cajones to approach me for intimacy. Actually, he might wind up without his favorite body parts if he tried that.</p><p> </p><p>Ihope that whatever happens, be it he changes dramatically into an acceptable partner for you (in your estimation - not in mine or anyone else's), or you decide you are sick of him and toss him out - that you can feel comfortable with your decision and that it doesn't keep you in the position where you keep wondering and hoping but the little he does is designed to mollify you just enough to keep you taking care of everything for him.</p><p> </p><p>His actions with your surgeon were a real illumination of how he thinks and feels - it CLEARLY is never all about you in his world. EVERYTHING that you do/experience is not real to him because he is the only real person. It truly sounds like his concept of you is not at all normal. It actually sounds like he doesn't see you as your own person, but as an extension of him. So if he does nothing and you do all the chores, he is still overworked nad he does "so much" around the house because you are part of him. Not a part that really matters, but not a separate person with wants, needs, thoughts etc... of your own. It is what allowed him to monopolize your doctor appointment - the appointment was about him and how he was feeling regardless of the fact that he was not the patient and was not injured.</p><p> </p><p>I know that it can be a tough concept for some poeple with autism, and maybe that would explain his behavior. Do you really want a relationship where you are not just taken advantage of, but where your partner cannot even see that you are a different person and cannot see that you are just as important as he is? </p><p> </p><p>(((((hugs))))) I am sorry that you have to deal with all of this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 418966, member: 1233"] Shari, your husband is caught up in a really sick, twisted, [I]wrong[/I] cmpetition fueled by his need to be babied/pampered and what seems like true determination to do only what appeals to him. Real life just isn't like that, or shouldn't be. The statement about not taking HIS child to the park because he would have nothing to do there would be the straw that broke t he camels back for me. I hope that whatever goes on with the counselor helps you to figure out what you really want to happen and what you realistically can expect from each of your possible option. My husband would be hearing how I couldn't do this, that, the other and everything else "because there isn't anything fun for me to do" when it came to his EVERY request, thought and demand. especially if he had the cajones to approach me for intimacy. Actually, he might wind up without his favorite body parts if he tried that. Ihope that whatever happens, be it he changes dramatically into an acceptable partner for you (in your estimation - not in mine or anyone else's), or you decide you are sick of him and toss him out - that you can feel comfortable with your decision and that it doesn't keep you in the position where you keep wondering and hoping but the little he does is designed to mollify you just enough to keep you taking care of everything for him. His actions with your surgeon were a real illumination of how he thinks and feels - it CLEARLY is never all about you in his world. EVERYTHING that you do/experience is not real to him because he is the only real person. It truly sounds like his concept of you is not at all normal. It actually sounds like he doesn't see you as your own person, but as an extension of him. So if he does nothing and you do all the chores, he is still overworked nad he does "so much" around the house because you are part of him. Not a part that really matters, but not a separate person with wants, needs, thoughts etc... of your own. It is what allowed him to monopolize your doctor appointment - the appointment was about him and how he was feeling regardless of the fact that he was not the patient and was not injured. I know that it can be a tough concept for some poeple with autism, and maybe that would explain his behavior. Do you really want a relationship where you are not just taken advantage of, but where your partner cannot even see that you are a different person and cannot see that you are just as important as he is? (((((hugs))))) I am sorry that you have to deal with all of this. [/QUOTE]
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Talked to husband last night. Ideas? Thoughts? Am I expecting too much?
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