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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 72022" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Kathy, the reason I raised homework was not to make any value judgements on whether homework is good or bad - merely to point out that when a kid has such extreme difficulty task-changing, and from other things Michele has told us about her son, I would lay bets that he is giving her a hard time over homework.</p><p></p><p>I do feel that WITH KIDS LIKE THIS the homework question needs to be re-examined, on an individual basis. What works for easy child kids, and for a lot of difficult children, can be a disaster for some. It's just the way it is.</p><p></p><p>Michele, I posted a very LONG post on one of your other threads - I described an inkling of what it feels like to a child like this, to try to cope at school every day. They really have to work extra hard to get by, and to add homework into the mix is to bring that struggle right back home, where he comes for a refuge from school and where he needs to feel safe.</p><p></p><p>What has worked for us, if you can negotiate it with the teacher - if he MUST do homework (for example, he needs support in some subjects) and you can't eliminate if from home, see if you can devote ONE morning on the weekend to work on his homework together, one on one. Keep it fun, like you're watching a movie together - big bowl of popcorn, maybe. Once he gets started he will be on a roll, but it's getting started that is the headache. If you give him plenty of warning, then again remind him the night before, "Tomorrow at 9 am we will work on your homework for Miss V. Be ready, I will work with you so I can understand it too. Miss V said it's OK for me to do this with you." (I add this last bit, because difficult child 3 still refuses to come to me for help with his schoolwork, he says it's cheating for me to help even though his teachers have told me it's OK. He has to hear it from them!)</p><p></p><p>If you think his homework is revision of stuff he clearly knows well, then talk to his teacher about only giving him work where he needs it; not make-work, which he definitely doesn't need. he also needs to learn to dive right in to work that is challenging, rather than preferring to revise 'easy' work in his favourite topics.</p><p></p><p>I mentioned one morning - mornings, because he'll be fresher with more mental energy to help him stay focussed; and only one, because a kid's gotta play too, especially kids like yours and mine who have to burn so much mental power, just to follow the (confusing) rules in their world. hand in whatever he's done, even if it's very incomplete - the teacher needs to see his best capability as well as his worst. You will need to be fully in communication and cooperation with his teacher over this - the communication book again. The aim of the exercise for all of you - to help him learn the subject matter, to master it. And whatever you need to do this, you all need to be on the same team (you, the teacher, difficult child). It can work, if you work together. I even managed to work this with the most difficult teacher in difficult child's mainstream experience, because of The Book.</p><p></p><p>Have you had a face-to-face meeting at the school yet? I know it's early in your school year, I think it would be a good idea to aim for at least one meeting per school term. Especially with kids like ours, you need to head problems off early (which means you need to know about them) and comparing notes with everyone is a darn good start.</p><p></p><p>Good luck with him, this is a problem that covers huge areas of difficult child's social interactions and learning. Hang in there - it's not all bad. Once you find the key to how he needs to function, you can use it constructively.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 72022, member: 1991"] Kathy, the reason I raised homework was not to make any value judgements on whether homework is good or bad - merely to point out that when a kid has such extreme difficulty task-changing, and from other things Michele has told us about her son, I would lay bets that he is giving her a hard time over homework. I do feel that WITH KIDS LIKE THIS the homework question needs to be re-examined, on an individual basis. What works for easy child kids, and for a lot of difficult children, can be a disaster for some. It's just the way it is. Michele, I posted a very LONG post on one of your other threads - I described an inkling of what it feels like to a child like this, to try to cope at school every day. They really have to work extra hard to get by, and to add homework into the mix is to bring that struggle right back home, where he comes for a refuge from school and where he needs to feel safe. What has worked for us, if you can negotiate it with the teacher - if he MUST do homework (for example, he needs support in some subjects) and you can't eliminate if from home, see if you can devote ONE morning on the weekend to work on his homework together, one on one. Keep it fun, like you're watching a movie together - big bowl of popcorn, maybe. Once he gets started he will be on a roll, but it's getting started that is the headache. If you give him plenty of warning, then again remind him the night before, "Tomorrow at 9 am we will work on your homework for Miss V. Be ready, I will work with you so I can understand it too. Miss V said it's OK for me to do this with you." (I add this last bit, because difficult child 3 still refuses to come to me for help with his schoolwork, he says it's cheating for me to help even though his teachers have told me it's OK. He has to hear it from them!) If you think his homework is revision of stuff he clearly knows well, then talk to his teacher about only giving him work where he needs it; not make-work, which he definitely doesn't need. he also needs to learn to dive right in to work that is challenging, rather than preferring to revise 'easy' work in his favourite topics. I mentioned one morning - mornings, because he'll be fresher with more mental energy to help him stay focussed; and only one, because a kid's gotta play too, especially kids like yours and mine who have to burn so much mental power, just to follow the (confusing) rules in their world. hand in whatever he's done, even if it's very incomplete - the teacher needs to see his best capability as well as his worst. You will need to be fully in communication and cooperation with his teacher over this - the communication book again. The aim of the exercise for all of you - to help him learn the subject matter, to master it. And whatever you need to do this, you all need to be on the same team (you, the teacher, difficult child). It can work, if you work together. I even managed to work this with the most difficult teacher in difficult child's mainstream experience, because of The Book. Have you had a face-to-face meeting at the school yet? I know it's early in your school year, I think it would be a good idea to aim for at least one meeting per school term. Especially with kids like ours, you need to head problems off early (which means you need to know about them) and comparing notes with everyone is a darn good start. Good luck with him, this is a problem that covers huge areas of difficult child's social interactions and learning. Hang in there - it's not all bad. Once you find the key to how he needs to function, you can use it constructively. Marg [/QUOTE]
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