Tantrums/Outbursts

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by candroo, Sep 13, 2007.

  1. candroo

    candroo New Member

    What is "normal" beahvior for a 6 almost 7 yr old. If she only has outbursts/tantrums at home and never at school, does this mean she can control them and therefore it is not ODD or something else? Just wondering.
     
  2. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Hi-
    I don't know what "normal" is!!! LOL but K is an angel at school... she will do anything to avoid getting into trouble or being singled out in school... this causes her an increase in anxiety, stomache aches. It also increases her rages and opositional behaviors once she gets home, her "safe place" she lets it all out!!! Lucky us...

    It also depends on the diagnosis, behavior modifications you have tried etc. If your child knows they can/can't get away with something at home or school, they will. Other children who honestly can't help it, like K you can see she is trying to hold it all together and just falls apart... time outs help with her but sometimes, she just has no control. But it doesn't excuse her behaviors, she is still held accountable. We talk about it, take short t/o's (we call it calming down or getting control of her emotions) think of better ways to deal with things etc.
    I really don't know what normal is or should be any more!!!
     
  3. candroo

    candroo New Member

    I used "normal" for lack of a better idea. But, you got my drift. Wow, it sounds like I am dealing with a close replica of your situation. At least I know someone can relate. We just started a behvior chart and quite honestly, that is not working as well as I had hope. We have done the time outs for short periods so that she can get a hold of her emotions, sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't. She is rude at home, interrupts constantly, very fresh and disrespectful, ands just completely ignores adults when she is told to do things, also very wild lately. But again, angelic in school, very social, academically way ahead (reading on a 3-4th grade level).

    Background info: Me:34 yrs old, have been treated in the past for severe depression but have been Dep free for 4 yrs with-o medications, yeah! Divorced when my daughter was 2, sees father very regularly. She exhibits same behaviors with-him. His fam, alcoholism, depression.

    Daughter: almost 7, just entered 1st grade, has seen psychologist on 2 or 3 occasions just to discuss the divorce.
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    ODD rarely stands alone. I'd get her totally evaluated by a neuropsychologist--they do far more intensive evaluations than plain psycologists, and tend to be able to pinpoint problems better.
    It is normal for kids with disorders to hold it in at school and lose it at home, however, if not treated, the child can start to lose it both at home and in school with time. Any psychiatric problems or substance abuse on the family tree? Any late speech or delays or social problems?
     
  5. Gramma

    Gramma New Member

    Hi. Been there, done that. Raising 3 granddaughters. difficult child 2 was a spitfire for over 6 years - got her just as she was turning 4. She threw tantrums at home that left us so totally drained. I seriously considered leaving several times. She never displayed her tantrum side at school and the teachers acted as if I made it all up. She was constantly covered with bruises from her throwing herself onto the tile floor, banging her head into the wall, pulling her hair out in clumps. Last year, pulled her long hair out in such large clumps, I had to have it cut into a pixie cut. Threw fits only a couple times getting on the bus in kindergarten. Had to physically carry her off the bus almost as soon as she got on.

    She had one screaming fit so bad she burst a blood vessel in her forhead by her eye. She told her kindergarten teacher I threw a bucket at her and they in turn called Child Protective Services on me. We were raising 7 grandkids at the time. The CPS lady that came to our home questioned each one of the kids to see if I was beating or mistreating any of them. She finally decided that difficult child 2 was just making up stories to cover up her tantrums. (I could have gone to jail over this)

    At 6 she started a tantrum in the HomeDepot hardware store that was major. I took her outside to calm down. She would calm for a few minutes, then realized she had an audience and rage all over again. I couldn't control her running into the parking lot, so I put her in the baby seat of the shopping cart. She started kicking me so I took her shoes off, then she banged her stockinged feet into the cart and left bruises all over her heels.

    One customer told the manager that I was beating her so the manager came out to investigate. After some time he went back into the store, not looking convinced at all. Finally, she calmed enough I could take her back into the store (maybe an hour later) and met up with husband and other difficult children. Of course, new audience, she started up again.

    He took her out to the car and started getting her into her booster seat in the car, but by now she was kicking and flailing her arms. husband tried to gently grab her wrists as the therapist instructed, next thing he knows, he is surrounded by more than a dozen people thinking he is beating her senseless. They were on their cell phones trying to call CPS. One was calling the police to arrest my husband.

    After I came out of the store from paying for our purchase, I find this growing crowd around the car. It took forever to explain that she just throws tantrums. They finally left after difficult child 1 said "She does this all the time and ruins our outings. I hate her".

    We tried never to take her back into a store again. This lasted almost 6 years and I finally gave up and took her with us anyway. I was tired of being house bound.

    She is now 10 and in the last 2 months has turned herself around. She is a model child, does her homework without being told, helps cheerfully with the chores and often does other difficult children chores without being told. It was pure hell putting up with her tantrums but we finally have light at the end of the tunnel.

    Her therapist had her on a couple different medications, I can't recall which, but they didn't help one bit. Finally just took her off altogether.

    Good luck with your difficult child. Maybe she, too, will "outgrow" the need for such behavior. One can only hope and pray.
     
  6. candroo

    candroo New Member

    Thank you for sharing this. I too hope that she outgrows this. It sounds like yours did, thanks for the encouragement.
     
  7. candroo

    candroo New Member

    Depression and substance abuse history on both sides of the family. Thanks for the neuropsychologist suggestion.
     
  8. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I don't think there's any one answer to this. My difficult child has ODD but holds it together very well at school. At home he lets his true colors fly. I figure part of it is the peer pressure at school but I also figure he has only so many "Functioning Units" per day and he usually shoots the wad at school.

    If you're seeing very difficult behaviors along with that family history, I'd go for the neuropsychologist. A developmental pediatrician is another possible route, if available in a reasonable time frame.
     
  9. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    My ex-difficult child was always a model student. At home, she fit the description of ODD almost exactly. I think that ODD describes the behaviour but doesn't really telll you what the problem is. Usually, there is something else going on causing the behaviour. In my daughter's case, she had food allergies. When we removed those foods from her diet, her ODD went away. There is hope that with the right treatment, ODD can be cured.
     
  10. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    :rofl: My ODD difficult child lets it out EVERYWHERE!!!!!

    Lucky people who have a good school day. :thumbsup:
     
  11. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    My son Peanut is very rude and disrespectful. It started last year at home and a few months latter he was throwing desks at school,talking back to teachers and ripping the school bus seats. There are 7 children in the house(my moms 3 grandkids & my 4 boys)and there usually is some fighting. Peanut takes the fighting to a whole other level. He digs his nails in their skin,grabs K's private area and twists,throws things at people and has even pulled our tv off the stand. He has urinated in cups and thrown them in my kitchen,yells at me,tried killing himself in June,and his behavior is escalating at school. I have to physically take him to school some days.

    I know it is so hard to explain to others what is going on when people outside your home dont see the childs behavior. I read on a bipolar website that children only show that part of them where they are comfortable. Dont let anyone tell you this is all your fault. It isnt your fault. We love our children and would never encourage behavior that could be a safety issue or being disrespectful.

    I know what gramma is saying is true. Her difficult child#2 is my favorite niece now, totally hated her before. I do believe in getting help before it gets to out of control. My sons went to a counseling/psychiatric facility that really did nothing but medicate him. Finding a place where you feel comfortable and where you are part of the decissions is key. I just found a place and have switched our services. I know things will get better,but not over night.

    I keep a notebook next to my computer that way when I read something on here that might help us I write it down. Then I am not back tracking to find the information. Keep asking questions here, there are so many people on here with great advice.
     
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