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General Parenting
Teacher here -- can you help me?
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<blockquote data-quote="Bluemoon" data-source="post: 381253"><p>Great advice given so far. I just want to thank you for making the effort to come here and ask for help and possible solutions.</p><p>As has been said, many parents of difficult child's are put through the ringer for years with everyone they know blaming them. I know I was.</p><p> </p><p>To my experience, with foster kids and my own, it would take some really bad parenting to cause the kinds of issues you describe...however be prepared that sometimes parents can be embarassed or in denial about a difficult child, too. Or they could feel quilt or fear if they have done something significant that could have led to problems in their child. I'm just saying that reactions you may get from the child's parents may be surface reactions to deeper feelings.</p><p> </p><p>I know that I tend to be defensive when anyone implies that I have failed to discipline because I know this is not true, though it has reached a point where I have gotten too tired to keep fighting battles I can't win....and one of them is homework.</p><p>It is often implied that parents of difficult child's are lazy. Too lazy to impose boundaries on their children and when the kids are completely out of control because of it then they scream to the rest of the world to help them "fix" it.</p><p> </p><p>Sad fact is, that this is, in fact, the case in some instances...but when it's not, the implication can be very hurtful.</p><p> </p><p>Around here (where I live) it's standard for a serious testing facility (like my nuero-psychiatric) to make a parent jump through a few hoops before they will invest themselves in the testing..or even make a firm appointment. This is because a truely lazy parent usually will fail to do the jumping....but a parent whose child is struggling and who has done everything they can think of to help them will jump to the moon if that's what it takes.</p><p> </p><p>Just some food for thought as you navigate your way through your efforts to find help for this child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Bluemoon, post: 381253"] Great advice given so far. I just want to thank you for making the effort to come here and ask for help and possible solutions. As has been said, many parents of difficult child's are put through the ringer for years with everyone they know blaming them. I know I was. To my experience, with foster kids and my own, it would take some really bad parenting to cause the kinds of issues you describe...however be prepared that sometimes parents can be embarassed or in denial about a difficult child, too. Or they could feel quilt or fear if they have done something significant that could have led to problems in their child. I'm just saying that reactions you may get from the child's parents may be surface reactions to deeper feelings. I know that I tend to be defensive when anyone implies that I have failed to discipline because I know this is not true, though it has reached a point where I have gotten too tired to keep fighting battles I can't win....and one of them is homework. It is often implied that parents of difficult child's are lazy. Too lazy to impose boundaries on their children and when the kids are completely out of control because of it then they scream to the rest of the world to help them "fix" it. Sad fact is, that this is, in fact, the case in some instances...but when it's not, the implication can be very hurtful. Around here (where I live) it's standard for a serious testing facility (like my nuero-psychiatric) to make a parent jump through a few hoops before they will invest themselves in the testing..or even make a firm appointment. This is because a truely lazy parent usually will fail to do the jumping....but a parent whose child is struggling and who has done everything they can think of to help them will jump to the moon if that's what it takes. Just some food for thought as you navigate your way through your efforts to find help for this child. [/QUOTE]
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