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Teacher is Awful!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 260717" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Keep screaming. You need it, with this teacher.</p><p></p><p>Some very basic but vital rules she needs banged through her thick head:</p><p></p><p>1) DO NOT REMOVE POINTS/REWARDS etc once earned. This also means - do not set up a reward system which is also a debit/warning system. Regardless of how it works for everyone else, you MUST have a punishment system that is immediate. Instead of "three strikes and your'e out" what she needs is to be able to call someone for each infraction, but not for such a severe punishment. Instead of callnig and administrator, she needs an aide working with your son, whose task it is when he does something wrong (that would cause a strike against him) to take him aside and workshop what he just did wrong. He then has to come back into class when he is ready, and apologise to resolve the 'crime'.</p><p></p><p>2) DO NOT INTERFERE WITH SECURITY/STIMS. I'm having this argument on behalf of difficult child 3's best friend at the moment - his class teacher who used to teach difficult child 3 (and who I thought finally 'got it') is doing everything wrong, like your son's teacher. She is punishing this boy because of the noises he makes. difficult child 3 used to make noises in her class also - it's a stimulant. And with stims, you can't/shouldn't stop them because they are actually a coping strategy. Unless the gloves are a problem which is causing a distraction in the classroom, she MUST NOT interfere. Do consider the possibility though, that he could be spending a lot of time fiddling with his gloves and not working, and she mgiht be thinking that she needs to remove a distraction. Ofcourse, if it's a stimulant (which it sounds like to me) he could be fiddling with the gloves a lot more because he is feeling stressed (having her as a teacher would do it).</p><p></p><p>3) ALWAYS BE CONSISTENT. Kids on the spectrum (I include Aspies here) have a very keen sense of justice and rules being foillowed. If ANYONE changes the rules halfway, it's a mean thing to do to any kid. But to a spectrum kid, it's red rag to a bull. VERY wrong, on every level. if the teacher can't be fair or consistent, then how on earth can sheexpect the kid to be fair or consistent? He certianly won't respect her, and without respect, he will treat her increasingly rudely. Frankly, she sounds like she's asking for trouble. Probably because she doesn't want him in her class, she is not only not making an effort, she is almost deliberately rocking the boat to trigger enough trouble to get him thrown out.</p><p></p><p>What I tihnk you need to do:</p><p></p><p>Go to the meeting, talk to the advocates/other parents there. Find out your rights and your son's rights. Make your own list of his triggers as well as common triggers for Aspies in general.</p><p></p><p>Next - go to the school and make it clear - give them your list and the rules I just gave above. Then give them the following, in writing (in your own words) - "These will trigger my son, because of the diagnosed disability he has. He CAN be managed, but he needs certain strategies in place to make it possible. If these are not in place, or if these rules are not followed, HE SHOULD NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONSEQUENCES.</p><p></p><p>Before you do this - check your rights, make sure this will stick. It will for us, because it comes under our antidiscrimination laws as well as the disability rights stuff we have.</p><p></p><p>And last but most important - THANK this teacher for her honesty. Don't be sarcastic about it, either. She has been open about her feelings, about her unwillingness to teach your son. That is a VERY good thing, I wish more bad teachers would admit to this, many of our kids would be better off.</p><p></p><p>You need to ask for help for your son and for the teacher, who has openly admitted to being out of her depth. Whoever it is that is supposed to be helping your son - she MUST call you back, call the teacher also. She MUST set up an urgent appointment with you, ASAP, preferably yesterday.</p><p></p><p>If she does not, then call and leave one more message - "Hi, this is difficult child's mother. I have rung to ask for an urgent meeting, I have been trying to discuss the problems since [list your first contact date]. The teacher is not coping, things are getting worse. Therefore I am keeping him home until we have put some urgent strategies in place. As things are, we are achieving nothing and only doing damage. And most important - I am so determined to have something in place urgently, so he can return to school, that I will give you 30 minuteds to return my call. After 30 minutes from now [state time] I will be telephoning [name next persin up the chain of command] and repeating this request. I will give that person te same message, if they are not there. Again, 30 minuteslater if no call is returned, I will be calling the next person. And so on, until I get someone who either calls me back, answers their own phone, or I reach the congressman [or the top person you can name, who you are prepared to telephone if you have to]."</p><p></p><p>I have done tihs - in our case, the top person for me to ring was our state Minister for Educvation. While I didn't speak to the Minister personally, I DID speak to his personal assistant who was the one I needed, to kick-start things happening. And I emphasise the word "kick" - rear ends were getting kicked back DOWN the line, for the next few days. I had the urgent meeting I wanted, the very next day.</p><p></p><p>Only do this if:</p><p></p><p>1) You know the chain of command, including the phone numbers, and know your rights;</p><p></p><p>and</p><p></p><p>2) You are prepared to follow through and be part of the process of putting things in place.</p><p></p><p>Don't do it too often - once in a child's school career should be as much as you ever do. But keep good notes of who you ring, what time, what they said. You will undoubtedly need to hold them to their words (or make them eat them). Also you can find some unexpectedly useful advocates.</p><p></p><p>Do your homework first, pick the brains of other parents so you know who is likely to help and who is a waste of space (you still have to call them, if they are in the chain of command).</p><p></p><p>Also be prepared to put your concerns in writing, and to ensure copies are sent to all who should be on the list. Keep letters simple, unemotional, short (one page for preference), constructive where possible and make it clear what you want. "Dear ..., I am writing to you because of my concerns about... I need the following fixed... In order to do this I would like to meet with you to discuss this and to also provide you with information to help make this possible. Please let me know what you would like me to do, to help you achieve these outcomes."</p><p></p><p>Simply sending a letter saying, "I am very unhappy about how my son is being treated, this is what has been happening," doesn't actually say anything except - you are unhappy. But saying as well, "I want this to change in the following way using these strategies," is making it possible, it's even going so far as you teaching them how to do their job. But hey, anything you can do to help should be welcome. If the school line is, "We're just too busy to waste energy on a single student in a large classroom, we can't play favourites," then as parent you step in and say, "there there, I understandhow busy you are, I also understand how frustrating it must be to have my child in your classroom (because I live with him, so I do have an idea). So I am gonig to teach you how you can meet his needs, which of course are due to his disability and are not naughtiness. Therefore, since it is a disability thatis interfering here with your ability to ensure his educational neds are met, it is the responsibility of the education system to ensure he has equal access to an education, as with other kids who do not have this disability. For my son, 'equal access to education' does NOT simply mean giving him a seat in the same classroom; the curriculum material needs to be given to him in a way that he can take it on board and learn. If it means the work needs to be somplified; if it means he needs an aide (to give the teacher a break as well as to support his learning); if it means he needs to be given a quiet spacwe to sit and work, if it means he needs anything different in this manner, then together we can work to identify what will work so that together, as a team, we can ensure this child does not get left behind due to the school's inability to understand and meet his needs."</p><p></p><p>Again, make sure what I'm suggesting matches what is legally required in your area. </p><p></p><p>Run it past an advocate.</p><p></p><p>But I've found, oftgen, that when you're dealing with a reactionary system you often need to get activist and put in the (velvet ballet shoe) boot. If you do it in a constructive way, nobody can complain that all you're doing is whinging and not helping. They can't say, "I don't know where to start," if you have just told them how. They can't label you a problem, when you make yourself part of the solution.</p><p></p><p>We shouldn't have to do all this, but this is not a perfect world when our difficult children are concerned. So we do what we can do.</p><p></p><p>Good luck with this teacher.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 260717, member: 1991"] Keep screaming. You need it, with this teacher. Some very basic but vital rules she needs banged through her thick head: 1) DO NOT REMOVE POINTS/REWARDS etc once earned. This also means - do not set up a reward system which is also a debit/warning system. Regardless of how it works for everyone else, you MUST have a punishment system that is immediate. Instead of "three strikes and your'e out" what she needs is to be able to call someone for each infraction, but not for such a severe punishment. Instead of callnig and administrator, she needs an aide working with your son, whose task it is when he does something wrong (that would cause a strike against him) to take him aside and workshop what he just did wrong. He then has to come back into class when he is ready, and apologise to resolve the 'crime'. 2) DO NOT INTERFERE WITH SECURITY/STIMS. I'm having this argument on behalf of difficult child 3's best friend at the moment - his class teacher who used to teach difficult child 3 (and who I thought finally 'got it') is doing everything wrong, like your son's teacher. She is punishing this boy because of the noises he makes. difficult child 3 used to make noises in her class also - it's a stimulant. And with stims, you can't/shouldn't stop them because they are actually a coping strategy. Unless the gloves are a problem which is causing a distraction in the classroom, she MUST NOT interfere. Do consider the possibility though, that he could be spending a lot of time fiddling with his gloves and not working, and she mgiht be thinking that she needs to remove a distraction. Ofcourse, if it's a stimulant (which it sounds like to me) he could be fiddling with the gloves a lot more because he is feeling stressed (having her as a teacher would do it). 3) ALWAYS BE CONSISTENT. Kids on the spectrum (I include Aspies here) have a very keen sense of justice and rules being foillowed. If ANYONE changes the rules halfway, it's a mean thing to do to any kid. But to a spectrum kid, it's red rag to a bull. VERY wrong, on every level. if the teacher can't be fair or consistent, then how on earth can sheexpect the kid to be fair or consistent? He certianly won't respect her, and without respect, he will treat her increasingly rudely. Frankly, she sounds like she's asking for trouble. Probably because she doesn't want him in her class, she is not only not making an effort, she is almost deliberately rocking the boat to trigger enough trouble to get him thrown out. What I tihnk you need to do: Go to the meeting, talk to the advocates/other parents there. Find out your rights and your son's rights. Make your own list of his triggers as well as common triggers for Aspies in general. Next - go to the school and make it clear - give them your list and the rules I just gave above. Then give them the following, in writing (in your own words) - "These will trigger my son, because of the diagnosed disability he has. He CAN be managed, but he needs certain strategies in place to make it possible. If these are not in place, or if these rules are not followed, HE SHOULD NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONSEQUENCES. Before you do this - check your rights, make sure this will stick. It will for us, because it comes under our antidiscrimination laws as well as the disability rights stuff we have. And last but most important - THANK this teacher for her honesty. Don't be sarcastic about it, either. She has been open about her feelings, about her unwillingness to teach your son. That is a VERY good thing, I wish more bad teachers would admit to this, many of our kids would be better off. You need to ask for help for your son and for the teacher, who has openly admitted to being out of her depth. Whoever it is that is supposed to be helping your son - she MUST call you back, call the teacher also. She MUST set up an urgent appointment with you, ASAP, preferably yesterday. If she does not, then call and leave one more message - "Hi, this is difficult child's mother. I have rung to ask for an urgent meeting, I have been trying to discuss the problems since [list your first contact date]. The teacher is not coping, things are getting worse. Therefore I am keeping him home until we have put some urgent strategies in place. As things are, we are achieving nothing and only doing damage. And most important - I am so determined to have something in place urgently, so he can return to school, that I will give you 30 minuteds to return my call. After 30 minutes from now [state time] I will be telephoning [name next persin up the chain of command] and repeating this request. I will give that person te same message, if they are not there. Again, 30 minuteslater if no call is returned, I will be calling the next person. And so on, until I get someone who either calls me back, answers their own phone, or I reach the congressman [or the top person you can name, who you are prepared to telephone if you have to]." I have done tihs - in our case, the top person for me to ring was our state Minister for Educvation. While I didn't speak to the Minister personally, I DID speak to his personal assistant who was the one I needed, to kick-start things happening. And I emphasise the word "kick" - rear ends were getting kicked back DOWN the line, for the next few days. I had the urgent meeting I wanted, the very next day. Only do this if: 1) You know the chain of command, including the phone numbers, and know your rights; and 2) You are prepared to follow through and be part of the process of putting things in place. Don't do it too often - once in a child's school career should be as much as you ever do. But keep good notes of who you ring, what time, what they said. You will undoubtedly need to hold them to their words (or make them eat them). Also you can find some unexpectedly useful advocates. Do your homework first, pick the brains of other parents so you know who is likely to help and who is a waste of space (you still have to call them, if they are in the chain of command). Also be prepared to put your concerns in writing, and to ensure copies are sent to all who should be on the list. Keep letters simple, unemotional, short (one page for preference), constructive where possible and make it clear what you want. "Dear ..., I am writing to you because of my concerns about... I need the following fixed... In order to do this I would like to meet with you to discuss this and to also provide you with information to help make this possible. Please let me know what you would like me to do, to help you achieve these outcomes." Simply sending a letter saying, "I am very unhappy about how my son is being treated, this is what has been happening," doesn't actually say anything except - you are unhappy. But saying as well, "I want this to change in the following way using these strategies," is making it possible, it's even going so far as you teaching them how to do their job. But hey, anything you can do to help should be welcome. If the school line is, "We're just too busy to waste energy on a single student in a large classroom, we can't play favourites," then as parent you step in and say, "there there, I understandhow busy you are, I also understand how frustrating it must be to have my child in your classroom (because I live with him, so I do have an idea). So I am gonig to teach you how you can meet his needs, which of course are due to his disability and are not naughtiness. Therefore, since it is a disability thatis interfering here with your ability to ensure his educational neds are met, it is the responsibility of the education system to ensure he has equal access to an education, as with other kids who do not have this disability. For my son, 'equal access to education' does NOT simply mean giving him a seat in the same classroom; the curriculum material needs to be given to him in a way that he can take it on board and learn. If it means the work needs to be somplified; if it means he needs an aide (to give the teacher a break as well as to support his learning); if it means he needs to be given a quiet spacwe to sit and work, if it means he needs anything different in this manner, then together we can work to identify what will work so that together, as a team, we can ensure this child does not get left behind due to the school's inability to understand and meet his needs." Again, make sure what I'm suggesting matches what is legally required in your area. Run it past an advocate. But I've found, oftgen, that when you're dealing with a reactionary system you often need to get activist and put in the (velvet ballet shoe) boot. If you do it in a constructive way, nobody can complain that all you're doing is whinging and not helping. They can't say, "I don't know where to start," if you have just told them how. They can't label you a problem, when you make yourself part of the solution. We shouldn't have to do all this, but this is not a perfect world when our difficult children are concerned. So we do what we can do. Good luck with this teacher. Marg [/QUOTE]
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