Teacher meetings, intensive home therapy

[Ropefree]

Is that tm, iht, for short? So today is intensive home conseling session agian day. Oh boy. And meetings for the teachers to offer their input as I am poking and proding the 504 specialist to reassess the current manner of supports and providing what is needed to achieve academic excellence. The impression I am getting is that goal is percieved as "students will".
My crystal ball in my mind has a vision, perhaps it is just a rerun of the past,
playing where the teachers will share their observation that he lacks focus, and missed assignments, and whatnot and 'earned' the current grades.
And then they will share that they lack the time with large classes to offer any prompting or to refer to others(me the 504 teacher/specialist) and that they told him to....add that .
Round and round we go.
What I am noticing is how rehab language like the language of addiction are dominating all behavior health discusions. when the pro-active and fact based start points with the achievable goal and the steps that are part and parcial of the success in all things is dismissed 'to hard' 'student needs to want this'
And all the while the student is learning by this process. My son has learned to shrink and feel bad because he doesn'twant the attention. Yet when things go well and he does learn something new he feels GREAT!
We don't know what to do...teachers say and then when they DO HAVE THE STEPS TO DO they say 'to busy' and 'to hard'...phoning,e-mail are to much work these days.
And they want me to do 'it' but they can not convey what 'it' is until oh, to late.
Ok i am trying to be ready for this ...and today I do not have the appointment times and no one is able to give them to me by phone.

 

[gcvmom]

Good luck!

Let us know how it goes...

 

[DaisyFace]

Ropefree--

I have been thinking about your threads about getting supports from the school...and forgive me if you've already addressed this--but I am wondering if the issue you are up against is that you are looking for accomodations that are not so "black-and-white"?

With my son's IEP, we have to always be careful that the goals are very clear and measurable. For example, he has trouble getting his homework organized and he will often forget to put the correct papers or books in his bookbag. To solve this problem, he is to have a teacher sign his homework list every day to ensure that he is writing down and bringing home the correct assignments. If he gets the list signed every day, he is rewarded with a prize on Friday.

The issue of "getting a child to focus" is pretty fuzzy. Is there a specific solution that you have in mind which could be tracked in a very clear, black-and-white way?

Perhaps if you create a "checklist" of some sort?--the teachers cannot object if you have taken the "time" component out of their argument and have created something simple and easy for them to do each day...such as sign a checklist.

Just a suggestion...

Let us know how it is going with the school...

--DaisyF

 

[everywoman]

Ropefree, while I understand your frustration with a child not working to potential, I do not understand why you place the blame solely on his teachers and not where it belongs---on your son. He is in high school! At some point, he must take responsibility for his not working up to par. There is not a single thing a teacher can do to make him work at the level he is capable of working if he is not willing to complete his assignments. You continuously talk about how bright and capable he is. Besides belittling his teachers and placing the blame on everyone else, how are you holding him accountable?

In several of your posts, to which I haven't responded because of my indignation at your labeling of all educators as idiots, you have placed all blame for any problem your son has had---either behaviorally, socially, or academically on someone else. It is always someone else's fault: another parent, a teacher, a therapist.

Your continually blaming your son's issues on others is going to lead to allowing your son to believe, falsely, that everyone else is responsible for whatever his problems in life may be----creating a person who has a victim mentality---

 

[janebrain]

Amen, Everywoman, you and I seem to be having the same thoughts but you were brave enough to express them.
Jane

 

[Ropefree]

Everywoman: I have read your post here and I see that my musing over the experiances that are reflected in what you have read that I have written.
what I have done was believe the educators when we were meeting together as if they were able to suffice.
I respect that my words have stirred up your own emotions. I had not intended to do that.
I do not concur that you are able to say what my son can and can not accomplish, or to assess what his teachers are or are not respocible for in this situation. We are meeting in team and we are doing so in a pattern that is designed to forfill the students educational rights under the law. And at anytime a teacher in their integrity could have volunteered that those laws were being violated in his treatment.And I am able to notice when an adult has made and broken an agreement.
He is protected from neglect to his disability and the appropriate supports for learning all the skill sets unique to him within his education. those follow through age twenty.
Also many youths are not maturing on a target date to assume all the complexities of adulthood. On whole my son seems to have met other developemental ranges I see not reason to imagin that he would not at this late stage. and also I personally have not believed that any developemental stage is served by pushing.
I have no offerings as to your suggestion that in some manner you are deducing that any steps I have followed to this point are leading to a place of victum. I will conceed that territory to your own thoughts process.
In my opinion the lingo of addiction and co-dependancy is relative to the recovery of dysfunctional habits. Often particularly useful where those have caused brain damage. I feel it is harsh to presume that youths within developemental stages are on a same plain with the recovery
sub-culture. that is just what I feel i see and understand.
I hope that I am asserting my viewpoint and I am not intending to tread harshly.
Please do not feel that you need hold on to a resentment over my words. I am fond of direct communication and the hope that leads to that clarity.

 

[Allan-Matlem]

Hi,
Ross Greene says the philosophy 'Children do well if they can ' I am sure your child is motivated to do well . I have seen great turn-arounds when teachers have been able to reach kids , help them feel understood and address their concerns. in my humble opinion education is about a love for learning , enjoying the process and talk about taking responsibility and accountability is just to an easy ploy to ignore the contribution teachers and the whole educational philosophy and blame the kids. Kids don't have to be accountable and take responsibility. When teachers manage to kindle the candle , the flame will continue on its own , the kid will start taking responsibility for his education in the broadest sense of the word. Because learning is something interesting, stimulating and enjoyable.
So what do I recommend - peer mentors- somebody 'on the job' to help your child , buddy-tutor , teachers focusing on the process and less on the results ,input from your child - if the classroom was more of a community instead of a competitive playing field , kids would be interested in supporting fellow students.

Allan

 

[LittleDudesMom]

R,
I think what everywoman was expressing was in response to several of your posts where you indicate you want your son to get top grades. Most of us warrior parents here are not fighting for our kids to get top grades and academic accolades. We are fighting for our kids to be given the same opportunity as those not challenged with various emotional/mental dxs or multiple learning disabilities.

At some point, especially as a junior in high school, your son should have the knowledge, incentive and/or drive (especially if he is as intellegent as his proud mom indicates) to do what is required. If not, I personally (and I am open to disagreement here) don't believe it is a school issue. It is an issue of finding the motivation so your son wants to perform as his optimal level. That's not a teacher job at 17 years old. A teacher can provide interesting and creative ways to teach, but if a student lacks motiviation........

I don't dismiss, and I don't believe any of the members here do either, that the school administration may not be doing all they can to provide your son with services. But I do feel that holding the school responsibile for your son not getting top grades is not what the Special Education system is all about.

Perhaps the misconception here is that there has been no clear defination of what you are looking for from the school other than help getting your son's grades up. Are there other tangible goals you are striving for?

Sharon

 

[BusynMember]

I believe that kids can not be forced to get straight A's in spite of their IQ. I have two gifted children who never got top grades. One is so successful anyway that he is already a millionaire at 31. The other is doing all right. It's not his nature to push and achieve. I have to agree that, although teachers can help, they can't make kids get top grades, and that isn't their job. Some kids with high IQs don't get A's because of many factors. Some with lower IQs are better able to push themselves or work harder and make higher grades. With all the respect in the world (and I'm serious), we can't force our kids to have motivation. ADHD alone should not impede a child, at his age, from getting really good grades. We don't know a lot about your son, and it is your right not to tell us, but if he has ADHD and nothing else, he can still perform well if he puts his mind to it. My autistic son constantly makes the high honor roll and he gets less help and has a greater disability (if one can match disabilities) than your son. He does better in school than my two gifted children did. He has more problems to fight at school too--he is very distractable, but he is extremely motivated and works very hard. My youngest has an average IQ and Learning Disability (LD) problems and does not do as well even though the teachers are doing such a good job. They can only do so much. In the kindest way possible (I mean no harm--I think you are a very nice person and a dedicated mom), we can't expect educators to do it all. By age 17, I would say that 80% of the effort has to come from your son. Teachers have a hard job and lots of students--they can't overfocus on one child. Now if you feel he needs a smaller setting, there is Special Education. My Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son was in a small class for reading and math until high school and he got a lot of attentioin and was taught TONS by his aide on how to focus, take notes, etc. Have you considered homeschooling him? Is there an online school in your area? Remember, that in college, if that is his goal, he will not get this kind of attention. He is close to becoming a young adult in the eyes of the education world. Good luck!

 

[DammitJanet]

I really dont know you. You must have joined the board while I was away...ahhh yes you did!

I was a very smart kid, high IQ, very high SAT's but I was a difficult child before we had difficult child's. No amount of prodding or coddling by teachers or the school system could influence my grades. I was fully capable of straight A's but I chose to be a difficult child and get lousy grades. I really regret it now. Out of my three kids, I have one Gifted but Learning Disability (LD), one just ADHD, and one BPer. The BPer actually could have been my smartest one if he had just tried but he took after mom and refused to even attempt school. He also regrets it now. The school bent over backwards to try and help him. You cant expect a school to hold their hand when they get to high school. At that point it is pretty much on them.

 

[DaisyFace]

Janet--

I think you make a good point. I see some of the same in my children.
My son is a gifted learner--but his ADHD interferes with his ability to earn good grades because his distractability makes it difficult for him to keep track of assignments and projects on his own. Without the support of the Special Education program, he'd be doing very poorly in school. With support--he usually makes the honor roll.

on the other hand--My daughter, a difficult child, is fully capable of straight A's--but could care less. Her teachers are struggling to get her to understand that she really does need to do her work....but she is just not interested in working to her potential. And there seems to be no support program or aid that would help her with that. {If there was such a thing--I'd sign her up in a heartbeat!}

And like you said about yourself and your child--I am concerned that one day soon, she will regret it.

--DaisyF

 

[janebrain]

My younger dtr (17 now) has emotional issues which keep her from working up to her intellectual capabilities. She was an "A" student in middle school--she worked relentlessly, mostly as a coping mechanism to deal with her chaotic home life. She has struggled in high school because she quit using school to mask her problems. She is labeled "emotionally disturbed" for her IEP and she has great acommodations. However, in the end it is up to her to succeed or not. She is doing much better this year (12th grade) but it is because she wants to, not because someone else is motivating her. In fact, I say next to nothing to her about schoolwork. She has to be the one invested in doing well or even just passing--it is up to her.

Jane

 

[Ropefree]

The learning issues are what qualifies children for IEP and those services need to be adiquate. This had not been done.
I also feel that the compensations that children with learning issues make are not neccisariy healthy.

I admit that I do not have that sort of feeling that pushing developemental stages or diminishing a teen, young adult, or adult for having learning disabilities is helpful.

Also the friends of my son who were all cut from iep services that were inadiuate to begin with, and did not include what they do need, are now adrift.

My son has support from me, And I regret that I did not rally the outside legal
interventions long ago. Education is to valuable to waste away. disability is not about will. Young people and adults who are told told told that they have to do something that over and over and over is inadiquate and then they are hearing that they were told and they did not follow the directive. It becomes
apparent that it isn't working and the assumption that that formula is all you get is just wrong.