Teacher trashes my daughter UPDATE

[BusynMember]

My daughter woke up yesterday with a very sore throat, so sore that she sounded funny when she talked. She was going to go to school, but, at the last minute, I told her to stay home until we could get her into the doctor to take a strep test. My kids (both) have a history of strep without fever, and we don't like to send them to school if they may get other kids really sick. My daughter goes to school with a child who has a form of cancer and another child with a compromised immune system, and she has very few absences. In fact, I think that was her first one and the plan was to take her to school after we took her to the doctor if her "fast" strep test was normal.
Well, she couldn't get in until three so she missed school. The doctor said she didn't have strep and she asked if she could go play at the basketball game that night? The doctor said she could and could also go to school the next day as she had no fever. The basketball game is through the YMCA, not the school. There is a rule that if you are absent that day at school you can't participate in after school activities, but this didn't have anything to do with the school.
My daughter's history/science teacher is her only turdy teacher. Without going into detail, let's just say the parents are not happy with him. Anyways, my daughter started crying at basketball because this man had gone to her coach to say, "She should NOT be allowed to play because she wasn't in school." Um, well, she WOULD have been in school if she'd gotten an earler doctor's appointment AND this has NOTHING TO DO WITH SCHOOL OR HIM! It REALLY bothered him. Now, remember, daughter is Learning Disability (LD) and very sensitive and tends to think "I"m so stupid." Her self-esteem is her incredible athletic ability. Apparently the idiot teacher told HER ENTIRE CLASS, "I guess Nicole wasn't THAT sick if she played basketball" with the inference from other kids that she'd ditched school. THe other kids ran out of the room and told her and she was in shock and called me on her cell phone, crying. (These were two seperate incidents in which this teacher got involved in my child's life although he is NOT my daughters School Case Manager (all Learning Disability (LD) kids have one) or her homeroom teacher. It was hard for me to convince daughter to dry her tears, go back to class, and we'll deal with it. Hub, when he heard about it, hit the roof. This is his little girl--he adores her--and both of us know how hard she tries in school--this is her first year mainstreamed and she is getting Bs and Cs. What is WRONG with some of these teachers??????
Anyway, hub left a message for the principal and she wasn't there so he called the School Dean and we're waiting for a call back. Why do teachers have to belittle k ids to other kids? He couldn't have called US to hear the story if it bothered him so much???? Noooooooo, he had to tell her classmates who obviously ran right to her and some ridiculed her.
My daughter puts on a strong facade at school, but she is a marshmellow inside and doesn't need this.
And this just after we had to deal with Racist Bus Driver. Frankly, I can't wait until daughter is 18 so I never have to deal with school again. Of course, I have a grandchild coming...grrrrrrrrrr...I'll let my son and daughter-in-law deal with HER school issues...lol. I need another strong cuppa coffee. Thanks for listening, friends.

 

[SaraT]

So sorry daughter's teacher is such a poo. I have had very simular problems with my difficult child's teachers, on and off.

If you haven't already, tell her that it is the teachers problem, not hers, she did nothing wrong. I had to tell my difficult child several times that teachers a human too, and they make mistakes. I also made the teacher who caused the problem appologize to difficult child in front of class. (Teacher had to be forced by superintendent).

I am sorry she is going through having bad teacher. It is hard on difficult children.

Hug to her and you.

 

[meowbunny]

I'd be in that teacher's face so fast his head would be swimming. Glad you guys had the presence of mind to call the principal and dean. He may think he has a right to be irritated about the absence but he certainly had no right to say anything to anyone about it except those directly involved in your daughter's school life.

Go get him!!!! (And I'd be demanding he apologize to her in front of the class with me present to make sure the apology was satisfactory.)

 

[Shari]

Ya know, after he had the facts of the case, I'd have him present them to the class, with an admission of being wrong AND apology.
With me present, to make sure he didn't try to cover his hiney.
I'd be boiling.

 

[nvts]

Make sure that when you or hub talk to the dean, principal or whomever that he is in violation of the law when he discloses personal information about a student re: health related issues.

That'll shut this butt-munch up, 1.2.3!

It's sort of like the whole Health Privacy Act thing except it's something like the Federal Education Privacy Act. Since his comments revolved around her health, you could have a little fun with this!

What a jerk. Remind your daughter that she's proven herself to be a responsible, intelligent human being and it's none of his business what's going on with b-ball.

As a matter of fact, this would be considered an excused absense since it was to see a doctor. What if her psychiatrist only had appts. during the day? Would he say something like "I guess we're ALL glad that she went to see her SHRINK today rather than show up for school"?

What a tool!

Beth

 

[BusynMember]

I'm still steaming, waiting for hub to call me and say that he's talked to the school district about this idiot. I swear, this is such a good school district. It's amazing how one moron can ruin it. He is a very inflexible man who doesn't seem to listen much to his bosses. My hub, however, can be intimidating...hehe.

 

[Star*]

I am so sorry your daughter had to endure this but I think NVTS has the right idea.

I've had to be my sons Dad and Mom for a long time - and to say I can be intimidating is an understatement. The last teacher to make MY son cry - left her classroom in tears because of ME. When she got out in the hall I asked her "HOW DOES IT FEEL to have the big person make the little person cry?" she said NOT TOO GOOD - and I said REMEMBER THAT - for the rest of your teaching career -

She was later diagnosis with post partum depression, anxiety from a cheating husband and lack of money stress.

NOT MY PROBLEM

GO GET EM MWM's husband -

Star

 

[Anna1345]

Let me preempt this with the fact that I too, in my house hold, enforce the rule that if you didn't go to school, you don't do any extracurriculars that day. However, EACH situation is different, as is each kid. Having said that....

What is WRONG with some of these teachers??????

Probably the same thing that was wrong with Michael's teacher. Some teachers are so self absorbed that they loose focus as to why they became teachers in the first place. They don't realize the impact they are having on our CHILDREN. There were several instances with Michael of physical and emotional isolation in the classroom, singling him out, making up lies, saying things to him like "can't your mother read?" (not to toot my own horn but I a BS in chem, biology, minor spanish, and graduate work under my belt). Anyway, it just became so miserable for him.

What I DID learn was that Michael had to know that I was ALWAYS in his court, I would go to BAT for him and that I believed in him. Keep encouraging her and hang in there!

 

[totoro]

Yeah, Go Get em.... Most of you know how I feel!!! You don't do that to our children!!! Learning Disability (LD) or easy child... NO...Not Cool.

My husband has had to put the muzzle on Totoro a few times!!! LOL

I am sorry MWM... She doesn't need that #$%@... To bad she wasn't that type of kid who could or would say something like, "It is none of you business!, call my parents if you are SO worried about my well being!" or something to that affect... as a kiddoo I would have said something much less pleasant.... something that made him feel like a perv!!!

 

[susiestar]

Such a jerk and meanie!!!!! She is such a good kid, and you were acting responsibly, as I wish more parents would. I am sure the parents of the ill children appreciate your actions and would happily cheer her on at the game.

Be SURE you let principal, Dean, head of science dept, and horse's tushie KNOW that this is ILLEGAL and irresponsible. Offer to file a lawsuit if she does not get a very very PUBLIC apology, kudos for doing the right thing (seeing doctor before possibly spreading strep), AND NO further action of this teacher toward her unless the principal has specifically OK'd ig (disciplinary action, I mean).

Send her hugs for us!!!

Susie

 

[Shari]

Oh yeah, ditto susiestar...kudos for doing the right thing and checking it out before sending her to school.

 

[Marguerite]

This is what I classify as institutionalised bullying, when a person in a responsible position of authority abuses that position purely to make himself seem more superior and the subordinate person more unable to control their situation.

Not acceptable. Not in any book.

I had a school principal like this, when I was in primary school. One of the boys had not done his homework (the principal was also our geography teacher) and so this principal had the boy come out to the front of the class and read the definition of "dolt" out of the dictionary, to the whole class (the boy's surname included "dolt"). I remember watching the boy's face, seeing his ears go bright red and how for the rest of the day he wouldn't look at anybody.

This same teacher had his wife take the girls for sewing class. His wife treated me much the same, would belittle me in front of the class, taught the bullies the word "exhibitionist" and told them to apply it to me. Considering I was very shy and retiring back then, it was very damaging. But there were no other adult witnesses, so we had absolutely no recourse, because kids were simply not believed.

However, I grew up knowing that this was unacceptable behaviour and glad that NOW, this sort of thing doesn't happen. Or, SHOULD not.

MWM, when you take this up with the officials, be prepared for them to say to you, "Oh, Nicole's such a sensitive thing, she obviously misunderstood; the teacher was just saying how glad he was that she wasn't so sick after all. he had been worried when she was absent because he knows she can get these odd infections, but was making light of it once he realised she wasn't as sick as you thought she might have been."

I will lay odds that they try this on.

And if you have only Nicole's word, it becomes "he said, she said" and they will do NOTHING.

So, can you find another student (preferably BEFORE the teacher has a chance to rewrite history) and get a statement?

difficult child 3 had a problem Geography teacher last year, she was polite and didn't make personal remarks but she also made absolutely no allowances whatsoever in her expectations of him. Despite his autism, etc, she expected him to write long and abstract dissertations on global change. Because a number of kids at the same correspondence school also have autism, they also had problems. We got to the point where we said, "We are refusing to do any more Geography work, every other subject is suffering and he is learning nothing in Geography because it is not modified to his ability, as the school has promised."
We found out at the end of the year, when we looked at the list of staff at the school - she is gone. We had the chance to speak to other kids and families, heard similar tales, and strongly suspect the teacher was transferred back into mainstream.
The thing is, this teacher was NOT rude, was not making personal remarks, was actually being pleasant to talk to - but was just totally inflexible and unrealistic in her expectations of the students. And the school got rid of her.
How much more reason does your child's school have, to at the very least reprimand this teacher? That is totally unacceptable, to make personal remarks about a student, in areas not of his concern in any way. And it sounds like this guy has history, he's been a behaviour problem himself for some time.

Go for it, as far as you can. And if you can't take things as far as you want, at least make sure this bloke knows you have his measure. And seriously, I would be cultivating spies in her classroom. We did, for difficult child 3 - they stood us in great stead. The problem teachers didn't know where I was getting my information from, so they had to behave ALL the time. And if it was difficult child 3 misbehaving - the spies told on him, too, so I could deal with him more directly.

All praise to skulduggery! (but where possible, do not reveal your sources - certainly not unless you have their permission first).

Marg

 

[BusynMember]

Wow. Everyone we talked to was absolutely supportive. The Dean said that the teacher was wrong, dead wrong and would be dealt with, himself as well as the principal handling it. The Dean of Students not only said that he'd handle THIS, but said he wanted to hear if this happened to any other students because it was very inappropriate.
Since the teacher had the kids calling my daughter "liar," I think he should apologize to her in front of the class and explain that he made a mistake. BECAUSE HE DID!!!!

 

[Marguerite]

It really is nobody's business why she was absent, if you have satisfied all the requirements of handing in an absent note, any letters from doctors etc. Nobody in the class really needs to know.

We went through this at times with easy child 2/difficult child 2, if she had an audition call for example. I remember one day when I went to collect easy child 2/difficult child 2 at lunchtime, it was for a photo commercial job which she'd auditioned for the previous week, and got. Her teacher knew why the absence (especially her drama teacher who was thrilled) but a girl walking past took the opportunity to be really nasty about "easy child 2/difficult child 2 getting off school." The girl went on to make some rude remark about easy child 2/difficult child 2 hanging around, "if you're waiting for some theatrical agent to snap you up and give you a job, you'll be waiting a long time, you're so ugly." (she was jealous that easy child 2/difficult child 2 had a big part in the school play); easy child 2/difficult child 2 just kept a very straight face and ignored it. The girl had NO IDEA, only thought that she was waiting to go to a doctor's appointment or something. We laughed about it all the way into the city!

Marg

 

[Wiped Out]

MWM,
I'm glad everyone was supportive. I'm sorry your daughter had to deal with this.

 

[aeditha17]

We've got a teacher like this - GO GET'EM!
I wish they would just take a moment to imagine a walk in your shoes. My mon always taught us to think before we spoke. That act alone would have saved this whole situation.

Stay firm - you are right.

B

 

[klmno]

Hi, MWM! We haven't had good experiences with this sort of incidence in the past, so my suggestion would be to make sure it is documented somewhere in the school record- formally or informally, whatever you think works. My difficult child had something similar happen and it became a habit of teachers- in hindsight, I wish I'd had more to nail them on. If you make issue and it never happens again you might have prevented it, but if it does happen again, you have something showing it is a habit of unprofessional behavior on their part.

Sorry she (and you) had to go through this!!! Holding difficult child's accountable for their poor decisions is one thing- making them a doormat for everything is another!!

 

[Anna1345]

Oh I agree with KLMNO. If there is a record of any kind that the school keeps should be separate from a record you should keep. Also start keeping every single graded paper ranging from notes to tests, assignments, work sheets, etc.

 

[Marguerite]

I predicted they would try to weasel out of it, downplay it or similar - I am very glad to be wrong. And the fact that I WAS wrong tells me that things aren't always as bad for other people as they have been for us.

There is hope for humanity!

Marg

 

[BusynMember]

Marg, thanks. Actually, the teacher was way out of line. We would have brought her to school as soon as she saw the doctor to assure us she didn't have strep (so that she couldn't spread it). It just so happened that she couldn't get in until 3:00. The doctor would have backed up our decision. I personally hate when parents send sick kids to school. I always check sore throats for strep, partly because one of her close friends was born with a form of cancer and another friend is out about six weeks a year with strep complications. This was Nicole's first absence. She hates missing school because of the make up work.
Thanks everyone for your support.