Teaching difficult children about the dangers of illicit drugs...

[fun fam]

I was wondering what your ideas and experiences have been on teaching difficult children about drugs. This is something I am very worried about for the future. As hard as difficult child is now, I can only imagine how much harder and how much worse off he will be should he become an addict.

My cousin was a difficult child from the time he was very young. He had ADHD and another learning disability. I know my aunt and uncle really tried to help him, but he always struggled. In high school, things went way downhill when a friend introduced him to cocaine. He became an addict and everything has been awful since--he dropped out of high school, never held a job, and has been to prison for stealing. His girlfriends prostitute themselves for drug money. He has been to rehab 5 times, and my aunt has tried so hard to help him, but he never stays clean long after he leaves. He steals from everyone. His life is just a mess. I am so worried that my difficult child may end up on this tragic path.

difficult child often likes to feel defiant to me, so sometimes I wonder if maybe I should tell him I WANT him to do drugs, cause then maybe he will avoid them! Mostly kidding of course, but I feel like me telling him not to do drugs might not have much affect on him since he likes to defy me.

difficult child is pretty vain--he has olive skin with these bright blue eyes and long eyelashes that people comment on so difficult child thinks of himself as very handsome (and he is!) I wonder if I show him photos of meth addicts if that will affect him, since he likes looking nice. I don't know--how have you taught your difficult children about drugs?

 

[Californiablonde]

I used to watch a reality show called Intervention with my kids about drug addicts. They couldn't believe how horribly some of those people looked and acted. Some of them had permanent ticks and memory problems even after kicking the habit. My kids were completely turned off by what they saw on the TV, Both my kids are totally 100% anti-drug for now. I'm still worried that given the opportunity and peer pressure they may give in and decide to experiment. Unfortunately it's impossible to watch them like a hawk 24/7. I just pray for them and hope for the best, and when we hear about another celebrity dying from overdose I make sure to point it out to my kids so they know that drugs can kill.

 

[lovemysons]

fun fam,
I wish I knew the answer.
We had our oldest difficult child in Kick drugs out of America program where he even met Chuck Norris at school...that was 6th grade. Sadly by 8th grade he was trying Cocaine and headed to Drug Rehab.

We also made a point to talk about the hazards of drug use do to an Uncle that was in prison who used every time he got out and was sent back. We as a family visited this Uncle at a prison with our children...You would have thought that would have made an impact too.

I also discussed the fact that I was essentially fatherless due to my own bio dad's alcoholism.
In addition, my husbands mother died of her Alcoholism.

We ate dinner at the table together and talked about the kids days at school, problems/solutions etc. Even had bible study at our house Friday nights for a number of years. We also had the kids in as many sports/extra curricular activities as possible: soccer, baseball, football, piano, private art lessons, gymnastics, cheerleading, etc.

The only thing I can think of for you right now is to joing an Al Anon group...You do qualify since you have a loved one that is an addict. You can go and find out as much info as you can about prevention or even new communication techniques to use with your difficult child. I wish I had been an active member of AA Al Anon before my son's went off the deep end.

I also wish their was a magic answer as to prevention of drug use.
If any of us knew that answer...well needless to say there would be alot less misery in the world!

LMS

 

[Confused]

fun fam,

I see your point about showing him pics of before and afters as I think its a good idea, maybe you should double check with some Dr.s of all types? I also agree with going to the meetings. I see your point of how much they defy us, they usually do the opposite Let us know what you decide

 

[fun fam]

These are all really good ideas, thank you!!

 

[Wiped Out]

We used to worry about this a lot with difficult child. The way he used to be I totally thought he might become involved with drugs. We talked to him a lot about the dangers of drugs over the years. Knock on wood, for now it seems to be working. When he hears a story of someone doing drugs he tells us about it and doesn't look at in a positive way. He said last year someone asked if he wanted some drugs and he told them no.

Don't really know if the talking really helped or we are just getting lucky for now but I do recommend talking about it a lot over the years, especially when it is in the news as it brings up good talking points.

 

[lovemysons]

Fun Fam,
A couple of other things I thought about this morning...

I think it's VERY important to help your difficult child solve his own problems. In retrospect, I was ALWAYS trying to help my difficult child's have a perfect, picturesque life at all times...and figure things out FOR them. I wish I had let them fall down, make mistakes and figure things out for themselves more.

I also wish I had not been so Johnny on the Spot to come to their rescue when they would act irresponsibly. For instance, If my son's forgot their homework I would rush it up to school for them. In essence, their problems became my problem. I wish I had let them pay the natural consequences.

One thing I see over and over again with our drug addicts is entitlement issues. Everyone is expected to make life better for them. I think this is in part "taught" behavior as so many of us tried to be "perfect parents". Well, speaking for myself anyway, I know I did...and it backfired.
Life is not "perfect" and satisfying all the time. Life is so much about problem solving and being responsible for what is ours.

I also think emphasizing that these are/were difficult child's choices and his consequences is very important.

And make difficult child feel useful...don't clean his room for him, pick up toys for him, etc. Our difficult child addicts tend to have low self esteem and feel they are incapable.

Not to put all the blame on myself as the parent but I do think I "fed" into the addiction demise to some degree.
The other aspect of this was of course genetics...which in my difficult child's cases left them very vulnerable to that tendency, lean, bend.

I wish you all the best with your little guy. You have at least 8 yrs to prepare it looks like to me.
Try not to worry too much...I think you're right that our difficult child's do tend to gravitate toward the thing we are most concerned about. Just do your best...and let difficult child do HIS best.

LMS