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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 342697" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I've adopted several times and have one biological son. Trust me, adopted kids who were adopted at older ages have already been damaged before we get them, and often our love is not enough. So I am positive you were a great mom and loved them to pieces, but it is not the same as having a child from birth. The kids I adopted from birth are doing great. The ones I adopted older were a nightmare. My son from Hong Kong, just before he and his wife disappeared forever, told me repeatedly how his personality was formed before we ever met him and we had nothing to do with how he turned out. And this is the best of the three. The other two didn't make it in our family for long...they were not able to adjust to family life. Nor did they want to. And, in a way, although my son from Hong Kong is brilliant and very successful (or he was the last time we saw him), he never thought of us as his family. I thought of him as my son, but I was never Mom to him and Dad was never Dad.</p><p></p><p>You gave them the best life you had. Their choices are partly due to biology, partly due to substance exposure in utero (don't discount how much this can matter) and part because of those heart-wrenching attachment issues. At any rate, you gave them more than they could have dreamed of while they were being bounced around. I've learned though...love doesn't conquer all. I would never adopt an older child again. (((Hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 342697, member: 1550"] I've adopted several times and have one biological son. Trust me, adopted kids who were adopted at older ages have already been damaged before we get them, and often our love is not enough. So I am positive you were a great mom and loved them to pieces, but it is not the same as having a child from birth. The kids I adopted from birth are doing great. The ones I adopted older were a nightmare. My son from Hong Kong, just before he and his wife disappeared forever, told me repeatedly how his personality was formed before we ever met him and we had nothing to do with how he turned out. And this is the best of the three. The other two didn't make it in our family for long...they were not able to adjust to family life. Nor did they want to. And, in a way, although my son from Hong Kong is brilliant and very successful (or he was the last time we saw him), he never thought of us as his family. I thought of him as my son, but I was never Mom to him and Dad was never Dad. You gave them the best life you had. Their choices are partly due to biology, partly due to substance exposure in utero (don't discount how much this can matter) and part because of those heart-wrenching attachment issues. At any rate, you gave them more than they could have dreamed of while they were being bounced around. I've learned though...love doesn't conquer all. I would never adopt an older child again. (((Hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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