Teen run away update

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Chele, Oct 23, 2007.

  1. Chele

    Chele New Member

    I thank you all for your replies. Still no word from my son or the police. It is now just over 24 hours. I am really not that worried about where he is, he is probably fine, chilling as said in a reply. He has snuck out at night before, all night to party and I got used to it, I guess. I did tell the probation Counselor about it and each time he used.
    This is different; he just shot out the door at the juvenile center right before they cuffed him. He must be so scared. I don't know if I should keep all the doors and windows locked, afraid that he will steal from us, which he has done before, or leave a door open a night, so he can get in if he returns home. This is really scary. I am sure that if or once they get him in their custody, his placement will be a much more secure facility, he was considered a level II but I am sure that has all changed. I need to go call the outpatient rehab to inform them that he will not make it tonight.
    Thank you all again, I will share when he is found.

  2. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I think I would leave the doors locked if he has stolen from you before. He will contact you if he needs a place to stay.
  3. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I too would lock the doors or he is apt to sneak in and get supplies and leave again like ant did a few times.
    if he wants in, make him knock.
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Another vote for locking the doors. If he really needs you, he'll knock or call. If he just needs stuff, he'll just take what he wants and leave if you leave the doors open.

    I'm sure he's scared and panicked. Hopefully, he'll come to his senses soon.

  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    Hi sweetie, I can't believe I missed your post yesterday. Hugs to you, this is never easy. My daughter ran at 16, not quite the same circumstances, but she was gone a week before we found her. Very scary. Prayers that your son is OK and that he is found soon so he can get the help he needs.

    Another vote for keeping the doors locked. Best of luck to you. Let us know what happens.
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    You and your family will be in my prayers tonight. DDD
  7. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    Okay, maybe I'm the lone dissenter here...

    It sounds like when he ran away before, you'd become acclimatized (numb?) to his departures. Maybe he'd done it enough - and survived to tell the tale - that your concern was whetted. I understand that feeling well, and commiserate. I've often told McWeedy that the days of us crying all night when he runs away are long gone - where before we were scared beyond belief, now we just get mad (well, maybe me more than wife...)

    I also hear you on the change in behavior. McWeedy gets into "ruts" when he acts out. He does the same thing, over and over, to the point where we become desensitized. It's when he does something really different that he shocks us back into the old fears. Seems that's where you are now.

    All that said, when McWeedy does these things, as angry as I get I'm still whipped, and end up leaving him an out; or, in this case, an in. I'll turn all the lights off, send everyone to bed, and then camp out on my comfy sofa until he drags his skinny buttocks back across the stoop.

    I don't know your situation, or whether you feel safe with your son in your house. I had to buy a safe to lock up all my valuables and drugs, but I don't feel unsafe around him. I don't trust him, and if his lips are moving he's lying, but I don't fear him. So, I always end up leaving him a way back into the house.

    That may not be the situation for you, though. But for me, if McWeedy was on the run from "da PoPo", I would leave him a way back into the house where I could be sure the cops couldn't beat him or otherwise make up additional charges when they took him into custody. That sounds crass, but I have personal experience with that situation.

    But that's me. You have to do what you feel is best, and safest. I leave the old front door unlocked, which is the noisiest, squeakiest door in the house. I purposely leave it unoiled so that nobody can sneak in (or out) without the whole house knowing it. So McWeedy can't get in without me knowing about it. If there was something to fear from him, he wouldn't take me unawares.

    It sounds like you know the eventual outcome for your son, but want to give him a "soft place to land" as well. I understand. Maybe you can offer him that place in a way where you and your family aren't threatened? I would, but again that's me and my situation.

    I hope and pray you find peace and clarity in deciding what to do.

  8. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    just a note about this comment:
    the cops couldn't beat him or otherwise make up additional charges when they took him into custody

    two issues with this:
    my oldest easy child son is a cop. he never beats anyone up or makes additional charges. most cops are fair.

    the other issue is that ant NEVER got beat up by the cops nor did he ever receive charges he didnt deserve.

    your son is a juvenile. they problem wont even look for your son. if he turns up it is up to you to turn him over. I had to do that with ant several times or I would have been in trouble myself for harboring him.
    every single time the cop gave us time alone to hug or whatever and then put him in the back of the cop car and delivered him to the authorities without further incident.
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Janet, I am sure that Nick would not do or say anything wrong
    when arresting a juvenile. My son would also never do anything
    like that on the state law enforcement level. on the other hand, it is really
    naive to believe that it doesn't happen. It does happen and it
    is not a rare event. easy child/difficult child has never been manhandled to the best of my knowledge but he has been lied to AND I have been
    lied to by the police. He has been charged with marijuana possession when there was no marijuana in his car or on his person or on the person of the others in his car. He spent two
    weeks in jail for those false charges and THEN was kept in jail
    two more weeks after the charges were "no billed" before they
    released him as they pondered whether getting arrested was or
    was not a Violation of Probation. How can being arrested on
    false charges and jail be considered a VOP??? The States
    Attorney told me personally on the phone "I can either keep him
    or let him go..it is MY choice whether to proceed with a VOP."

    I am not anti law enforcement but the reason that injustices
    happen is because it is easier to deny they exist than it is
    to face the facts and try to correct the problems.

    Parenting a difficult child is not for the faint-hearted, as we all know from
    experience as Warrior Moms/Dads. DDD
  10. Chele

    Chele New Member


    I appreciate your response. I think you get me quite well. I definitely want him to come in and be able to get in however, I also have the fear that he may just get so needy, that he takes some stuff to pawn. He did not pawn any electronics before, just mostly his stuff but he has helped himself to my purse and his Dad's wallet a few times.
    Sounds like you and I have much in common. I have gone from searching all night when he first stayed out most of the night partying, to sleeping on the couch by the door, to doing nothing at all and just going to bed. He has never run away and been gone like this, EVER.
    Our son must be your McWeedy's cousin, because weed is his best friend next to beer. He is now facing, probation violation, resisting arrest and possible failure to appear to court next Tues. if he doesn't come home and go with us. This will be his 4th time incarcerated, but I believe the judge has about had it and plans to keep him much longer than a week or two this time.
    I got a new T-shirt that says “I see your lips moving but all I hear is Blah, Blah Blah". This was so perfect for all the times I have fallen for his lies. Now, I just expect it from him, as you say. Thanks for all your help. I also have my safety security box FULL at the bank, no jewelry or SS # in his house at all.
  11. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    Chele, take a look on ronni's post..rose2lily wrote a similar situation