Teen Runaway

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by sarooster, Dec 22, 2010.

  1. sarooster

    sarooster Guest

    My 15 year old niece ran away Sunday night. I am going crazy with worry. She lives two states away so there's not a whole lot I can do. Her ex-stepfather is a deputy sheriff so the first couple of days there was a big effort to find her, but they're run out of leads. Because she left a note and left of her own free will, the police don't seem to be all that concerned. But she's only 15!!

    I'm so scared but I'm also so mad that she's done this to her family right before Christmas.

    Her father lives in the same city that I do. We haven't told him. He's bi-polar and has depression - I think this really may push him over the edge.

    What can I do?? Any advice? Thank you.
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I am so sorry. I have no advise. Would she try to contact her dad?

    15 is a very worrrisome age - note or no note. When my Diva was 15 she had what she called a "boyfriend" on My Space. Someone who lived states away from us. It just so happened that he lived in the same state that her friend's family was going to a wedding and invited her with. I put my foot down and said no way was she going anywhere near this state especially with parents who helped their own daughter not only connect face to face with her "boyfriend" but also brought him home to live with them. Very ugly days at my house before the family left on their trip without her. Then found out his brother was at the wedding! Glad I didn't let her go!

    Internet is so dangerous. What if your niece left to follow someone she met on the internet? You would think that her nearby friends would have parents who would have heard she ran away and would make some contact to make sure her parents knew she was safe.

    But then again, if my Diva ran, I doubt her friends or their parents would think about my emotions - they would wrap that underground safe-house up so tight around her.

    One thing about her ex-step dad being a sheriff is that they have resources and know what to look for. For his sake, the entire police/sheriff community will be on active watch for clues.

    Is there a way of asking her dad if he has heard from her without getting him suspicious that she is gone? "Did your daughter send you a card for Christmas this year? Wondering how she is doing."
  3. Frazzledmom

    Frazzledmom Guest

    What IS it with 15!!!

    The cell phone company told us that the police could give them the authority to check cell phone records. Does she have a cell phone? Is she on Facebook? You could message all her friends to see if they've heard from them. Sometimes that's hundreds of kids.

    I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's horrible.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I wish I had an answer...I don't. on the other hand I have to tell you that I have been a CD family member for over ten years and I don't recall one difficult child runaway who endured much trauma. Family members always are in pain and anxious but the teens seem to find a place to go and feel limited, if any, remorse. I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers that her choices are not bad ones and encourage the family to function as normally as possible before she reappears. I'm sorry you all are in pain. DDD
  5. Frazzledmom

    Frazzledmom Guest

    DDD, those words are very comforting. Ten years is a long time and a lot of kids!
  6. sarooster

    sarooster Guest

    Thanks for your responses. She doesn't have her phone - she got it taken away the night she ran for smarting off to her mom. She does have Facebook but I'm not "friends" with her so it's very limited as to what I can see. I've thought about trying to message all of her friends on Facebook (945!!) but I don't see that option on most of them - I guess due to their security setting.

    I'm just hopping she comes home by Christmas. Thanks again.
  7. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    You can send a message to her facebook friends through the process of them adding you as a friend. When you request to be their friend, you can write a message. They can still refuse to accept you but they will get the message attached.

    I just did that when I was trying to reach a kids' mom to discuss how to get him home or allow him to stay overnight in a snow storm.
  8. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Sometimes a caring friend will try to convience a child to return home. When I was 20 years old, I was watching my cousins, one of which was about 15 years old. She ran from me and I had NO idea what to do. I grabbed the phone book in the hopes that would give me clues and it did. She had her friend's numbers circled. I think one of her sisters told me where she might be headed to so I called there and asked for my cousin. "She is not here!" "I NEED TO TALK TO HER NOW!!!!" Something in my voice the friend told me later - fear, not anger/control - reached the friend who handed the phone over to my cousin. The fear in my voice (per my cousin) also reached her. She apologized and came home.

    Her friends may hear your concern as she may not.
  9. sarooster

    sarooster Guest

    She was found this afternoon. I'm not sure of how - just that her ex-stepfather (the deputy sheriff) was involved. She was with an 18 year old boy - described as a "gangbanger" - whatever that means. She's in the Juvenile Detention Center and probably will be for a while. I don't care - as long as she's safe.

    I just don't understand her decisions - she has a family that loves her, left a ton of Christmas presents under the tree, a nice home, etc. Just don't get it.

    Thanks again for your responses and well wishes.
  10. barneysmom

    barneysmom Member

    Grateful she has been found. Hoping she and everyone will gain some insight into what's going on with her and that good things will come out of this crisis.

  11. Allan-Matlem

    Allan-Matlem Active Member

    I am glad , she is safe. Her running away was set off by having her cell phone taken away - using power to control her , so she showed how much we can control others - ran away without a cell phone !! We can't change people - the only way we can influence them is if they trust us and we can solve problems in a collaborative way

    Allan - Allankatz-parentingislearning.blogspot.com