Teenagers and Love

[happymomof2]

difficult child has been doing really well with grades and behavior at school. Last night he wanted to go to this dodge ball event at the school so I said okay. Well difficult child's girlfriend got overly friendly with another guy and difficult child almost lost it.

It makes me upset with his girlfriend, she seems like a sweet girl and is at our house a lot. Anyway one of the aides in my son's class is a friend of mine and she called to let me know that difficult child never even went in to the event. (nice to have an informant on the inside!)

When I went to pick him up he was still angry. I dropped the other kids off and he and I talked. I acknowledged his feelings, even though they are teens they still have those. I also told him if he was going to be upset with anyone he should be upset with girlfriend. She knew he did not like this guy. I told him there are girls out there that thrive off making there boyfriend's jealous. "Mom... she's not like that".

Told difficult child that I understood why he was so upset but fighting is not how things are handled in the grown up world. (No he did not get into a fight thank God he just talked a lot of smack about it) He said he had a horrible day. I told him he wasn't the only one and explained to him how may day went. (I really did have a crappy day) Also told him just because he is upset the world will not end, but there are still consequences to behavior regardless of the reason for it. He wants more freedom and he wants me to trust him - well he didn't make any headway last night! It will be a while before I allow him to go by himself to a school function.

Anyone else out there dealing with teenage love and all the drama it brings? Any suggestions?

Thanks

 

[flutterbee]

Ok. This is what I took from your post.

difficult child's girlfriend got overly friendly with another guy

Define over-friendly. Was she just talking to him or is it who she was talking to that got difficult child mad? It's important to determine which is the case.

I told him there are girls out there that thrive off making there boyfriend's jealous.

I take offense to that statement. It's sexist. There are some boys that will do that, too. I guess it could have been stated that some people do that, but I just don't find the comment helpful.

She knew he did not like this guy.

So? They don't have to have the same friends. They don't have to like all of each others friends. Especially at 14.

It's important that kids learn how to have healthy relationships. At 14, it's practice although to them it seems like their whole world. I think a serious discussion of how relationships work, give and take, mutual respect and all that jazz would be good.

 

[happymomof2]

He said she was hugging on him.

If it had been my daughter I would have reversed that. Yes I know it can go either way. There are teens, boys or girls, that think it's cool to have there significant other "jealous" or fight over them. Didn't mean to offend you.

They don't have to have the same friends - I think she could have handled the situation differently. My husband wouldn't be too keen on me going up and giving some guy a full body hug. Side hugs or shoulder hugs are okay.

And yes, this is the age that they need to learn how to handle relationships. He and I talked some last night. He was still in somewhat of a tizzy, we will discuss it more.

This is the teaching time. Thanks for your advice.

 

[meowbunny]

Basically, I think you handled things well. However, I'm not sure that he did anything to deserve a loss of trust unless he specifically told you he went inside. I'm assuming he saw his girlfriend with the boy at the event. Personally, I wouldn't want to be around people when I'm upset because I felt betrayed. Staying outside but not leaving the area was a good alternative since you were taking other kids home as well. So, I'd cut him some slack on that one.

 

[happymomof2]

Thanks Meowbunny, I may cut him a little slack because your right he didn't take off, but he wasn't where he was suppose to be either and my friend did tell me they did not go into the even at all. So technically he was not where he told me he would be. This was from 6 to 8. A lot could have happened in those 2 hours.

He is still on probation and as you can tell I am still on edge about him getting into more trouble. I still need to step back more and allow the mistakes to happen - it's hard.