Tell Me I'm Not A Bad Mom...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JulienSam, Apr 17, 2008.

  1. JulienSam

    JulienSam New Member

    'Cause I need to hear it from someone. :)

    Preschool just called & Sam is teary & upset & wants to come home because he "misses me so much" and he "hates school". I had a feeling it wasn't going to be a good day at drop off (it was a drop, distract him & go drop off -- which doesn't usually work well, but one of the teachers in his class wanted to do it).
    I hate hearing my kids crying on the phone -- it does make me want to run & get them & hold them. I called back & suggested that the head teacher talk to one of the boys Sam plays with often to see if he would be Sam's "buddy" today because Sam's sad -- we'll see if he can make it to lunch.

    I picked up the BASC-2 form his teacher completed to drop off at the school district (our case conference is next week). I probably shouldn't have, but I looked over her answers -- some of them just broke my heart. Like "ALWAYS" for picked last by classmates for playing or games...

    I know no one ever said life was fair, but it pains me to see him having such difficulty -- and people look at him like he's from another planet (including kids his age) because of his meltdowns & behaviors.

    Today, I'd like to just find a quiet rock to hide under & pretend there's nothing wrong.:pouting:
     
  2. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    You are not a bad MOM!!! You aren't... If you feel he needs to not go to school, then you will do what you have to. If you feel this will be a good experience eventually... then you and he have to suffer for a bit. I know it if gut wrenching at times... I had to pick up K a bunch of times... I still have School refusal. I have had her under tables crying, sobbing. But I knew it was and would get better. She has gotten better. The days when it is just too much, I do not force her. You have to know your child... I know when I can push K just a little... and she can handle it. Some days I know it is just too much for her, and those days I keep her home.
    I know that is not always possible.
    We have been trying to socialize K since 2 1/2 and we are still working on it. We had no therapies until later for her... and still have a hard time getting them.
    This is the first year she has had friends... it is heart breaking. Luckily kids don't remember the early stuff and the good stuff seems to stick.
    I took her to outside classes to try and help, we did gymnastics. It was the only thing where her hyperness and loudness and all of her quirks kind of went unnoticed. It was a little kid gymnastics class... SO I could stay and help. I told them about her issues and they were fine!!! They had afternoon and evening classes. She loved it!!! Lots of boys in it as well, some with issues.

    You are not a bad MOM!!!
    hugs
     
  3. jal

    jal Member

    You are not a bad Mom. I haven't been around too much lately, but saw your post. I know exactly what you feel like. My child has been through 4 daycares because of his behaviors and it is so tough to watch the other kids sometimes look at him with confusion. I can remember older kids looking at him like he was nutty when he would try to join them on the playground. He would interject himself into what they were doing but not speak to them and kind of play on the outside of them (this from a kid who knew over 350 words by just over age 3). It is heartbreaking, but you have to just keep moving on by getting him the help and support he needs. My son is now in kindergarten, has an IEP and his own para. He doing fairly well with-minimal problems now and again. He is finally been in a daycare for 6 months with-out me getting a phone call to come and get him. It can get better. It's not perfect, it's not what I thought it would be, but it's better than it was.

    Best to you.
     
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    You are not a bad mom...((((((hugs))))))
     
  5. JulienSam

    JulienSam New Member

    Thanks, ladies. He did make it through to our usual pick up time. I'd like to say that today went better -- but it didn't. He lasted through to regula rp/u time, and I made him take a nap when he got home, thinking that some rest might help -- and that only led to a rage when I refused to pull his pants up (we were getting ready to walk to the bus stop to p/u his sister).

    I won't be surprised if I bruise the couple of places he hit me (the rage got worse when he realized we missed the bus & his sister was already home). husband is out of town, so I'm single parenting it this weekend -- hope we all make it out alive when the weekend is over.

    He's supposed to have his 1st soccer game tomorrow morning -- he really wants to play, but if he keeps this up, we'll be staying home.

    Hope you have a good weekend!

    Julie
     
  6. Lulu

    Lulu New Member

    You are NOT a bad mom!!! (((HUGS))) I hope you made it through the weekend with little to no drama. Did you get to do soccer? N's soccer and Spiderman cartoons are his loves of the moment, so the threat of taking those away are currently good incentives.
     
  7. JulienSam

    JulienSam New Member

    Lulu --

    We did actually make it to soccer & husband finally came home last night. He was a sweetheart & took the day off -- kept Sam out of my hair all day. I didn't realize how much I needed a break from him -- love him dearly but can get to a point where I really don't like him. He's home tomorrow & then back to school on Wed.

    Soccer seems to be a good incentive, as far as those things work for us. Let's hope he doesn't lose interest in it anytime soon.
     
  8. You are not a bad mom! You did exactly the right thing. I love that you called the teacher and asked about a "buddy" for Sam. Great idea!!!
     
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    JulienSam.

    I know some bad moms. I don't know you - but I don't think you qualify or come close. I would like to make a book recommendation to you. It should be the manual that comes with kids. It's called How to Talk so kids will listen and How to listen so kids will talk. It's a workbook/lesson a week for effective communication skills. And you will NOT regret it.

    At 5 years old...I guess a lot of parents would say "Well I'll be bruised tomorrow." but by allowing that behavior to go without consequence will have HUGE consequences later. When? When would you think he will stop taking his anger out on you? What have you given him or has anyone taught him about anger? Does he know it's okay to be angry - but it is NOT okay to hit someone? I never knew it was OKAY to be angry - but there were appropriate ways to display that anger. Hitting is NOT one of them. It has to stop NOW, RIGHT NOW. But in order for that to happen you have to replace that negative behavior with a good learned postitive behavior. It CAN be done. You just have to know how to teach him. Holding him, telling him stop, walking around with bruises are not acceptable. Because if its' acceptable today at 5 - then It will continue each year and be a harder behavior to stop - and if not stopped whenever he's angry he will believe hitting anyone is how to resolve it. Someday it could be his wife. That's how I thought about my son anyway.

    I'm huge in bud nipping - this needs to be lopped off. lol

    Seriously - get the book that I recommended. Don't cheat = learn one chapter a week. it's amazing. I think the author's named Mazelish. Theres also one for teens - but I'm re-learning stuff to help with my 17 year old son.

    I dont' come to this forum often - but saw you needed a hug - and thought I'd swing in and give some older sister type advice for that fella of yours.

    Hugs
    Star
     
  10. libranaster

    libranaster New Member

    You are totally,positively and completely not a bad mum. There is no such creature all parents so the best they can with what they have at the time. There is not a mother in this world that does not want to do the best they can for their child and I am afraid you can not control the other children. Children are terribly cruel but atleast they are honest. Your child is yet to become an adult and then they will just talk about your child in whispers and behind their back atleast this way you child is not being treated like they are stupid and no one is pretending that he is world's most popular kid. The one thing about kids is they aren't two faced monsters. I had trouble at school too and it doesn't get better for the child but there is an end to it. My mum hated every moment of school and niether of us remember it with an ounce of happiness and now I have to send my daughter there and...SHE LOVES IT AND BEGS TO GO ON WEEKENDS :laugh:. Try to hang in there and sometimes the best mums have to be tough. If all else fails bribary works my nan used to give me $2 at the end of the week if I went to school everyday without a fuss and no phone calls to mum.
     
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Honey, you are stressed. You need to be gentle with yourself and YOU ARE NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT A BAD MOMMY!!!!!!

    Sending a whole big basket of hugs so you can wrap yourself in one whenever you need it!

    Susie
     
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