Hi Everyone, So I have been listening to that book Beyond Addiction which actually is pretty good although a lot of it I have already figured out.... And I don't think it really conflicts with alanon principals but does give some more meat to some of them.... But I haven't finished it yet either. And so a part of me is wondering what is coming next and are there more ways I can help my son figure things out.... Which is maybe not a good place for me to be. He is currently in residential treatment at a place he does not think is very good.. He has been to so many he probably is a reasonable judge of quality.... But he does seem motivated to get his life on track which is good. The hard part is figuring out the next step and he is not getting a whole lot of help doing that and we are 3000 miles away. And I want some kind of assurance that his plan is a good one. So he is trying to figure it out and I am stewing about it because I wasn't some kind of assurance and that may not be possible. Really addiction treatment has a long way to go I think. Anyway I went to an alanon meeting last night and it was a good discussion. And someone pointed out that she needs to tend to her own garden and her son has to tend to his..... And it was like oh yeah..... I can be a supportive person, kind of like fertilizer, but I can't do the digging or the planting or the growing for him.... And in fact I can't choose the plants either. It made it easier for me to let go again.