Tense Weekend

[SmallTownMom]

Friday night we went to my difficult child's school spring carnival, he had a great time and asked if we could stay and watch the fireworks that started after 8:30. He had a full week of great behavior so I said yes BUT he had to stay in bed and try his hardest to sleep in (he usually wakes by 6:30 AM every day). He agreed. Unfortunatly that night he had horibble dreams about spirits, gostly possesions, and horrible things (thanks to the shows his dad watches when he is at his house). My difficult child crawled into bed with me but continued to have nightmares. Needless to say the lack of sleep lead towards a very rough weekend.

We (my PM, difficult child and I) spent the weekend at my mom's, I love my mom dearly! She is honestly one of my best friends, she is a social worker and she has done a lot of research on how to comunicate with my difficult child, and what he needs. Why is it then that when we are at her place everything she has taught me goes out the window. She snaps at my difficult child, responds in anger by the end of the first day I was done in.. all I wanted to do was go home.

As hard as it is to be a single mom with a difficult child, sometimes I would rather to it alone! That way I know that there is the consistency he needs.

I know that the TV is a "bad" babysitter, but if that means I can sleep in for a little bit on the weekend I am ok with it. I feel my mom looks down on my decision to allow both my easy child and my difficult child to watch the amout of TV they do. She didn't allow my difficult child to watch ANY TV at all, he had 2 major meltdowns because he knows that we are trying to build consistency between all the homes he spends time with. I tried to explain that every home with have some different rules. He said his NORMAL respone "I wish I was adopted for this day to a new family", which I calmly repsond. "I love you so much, I would miss you terribly". I walk away and let it slide of my back. My mom then tries to say that HE shouldn't say that, He was very dissrespectfull......etc. I just put my hand up and said "Mom STOP".

I love spending the weekend with my mom, but it is to much on me and both my boys to do so. I know she dosen't mean any harm, she is just a "harsh" person at times. I grew up with her, I know what she needs. But my kids are MY kids and they don't get her.

I know this post is all over the place, needed to vent!

 

[keista]

((((HUGS)))) Why does your mom forget all her research when you sow up? Because you are family - not clients. Bring in total strangers with the same exact behaviors and problems, I'm sure she'd be a dream. Why this happens, I don't know. It's Murphy's Law of professionals or something. happens with many professionals.

I have a friend who is a teacher with emphasis on early development. She identified all of my children's delays, and those of her family members. For some reason, can't see the same exact delays in her own kids. Odd.

Anyway, don't let your mom feel bad about your TV viewing. I get/got the same slack from my friends and family. Well, for my family, my methods worked just fine! I always allowed my kids to watch as much TV as they wanted. Now they take it or leave it. It's pretty much the last thing on their "to do list". they will even choose books over TV. This will not work for all children, I know, but for me it did, so no one is gonna even attempt to belittle me for it. I simply won't allow it.

 

[Wiped Out]

Sorry it was such a tense weekend. I can just feel the tension from your post. Things are also very tense when we visit either one of my parents but for different reasons. Still the outcome is the same. (((hugs)))

 

[buddy]

OH wow, sorry it went down like that. Yes, it is ok to use the TV to babysit, there I said it. My family will let Q watch his precious NASCAR races because they know that it is his passion and routine. If not, we would not be able to participate in any family events that happen during that time. However, I have a sister especially, my dad secondly who do similar things to your mom....just dont know to NOT say anything and to let things go or let me handle it. They dont get that it is ok for him to have the last word, to vent and that words are better than a meltdown. Later when things are calm you can work on better skills, but THAT is not the time.

(by the way, before anyone goes crazy, I did not say it was ok for a kid to sit in front of a tv all day every day etc... just if you need a break and it is a calming thing for your particular child, then it is ok at times)

Also feel badly for your difficult child that he is allowed to watch shows that scare him and cause loss of sleep, my nephew went through that for years when he went to his dad's house. My sister is the one who had to go and sit with him, rock him, calm his fears for the rest of the week. He is also allowed to play super violent video games and he was as a young child really really obsessed with guns. (every play gun that is at eye level in a toy store or convenience store he would have a metldown from age four till about third grade). He is 14 now and loves scary stuff, but back then, it was awful. And my sister tried, but ex would not listen. Thought it was funny. So I am really sorry for that, I was there many times with him while that happened and it was NOT fun.

I suppose you will have to decide if you can do longer times like that. I have given up after all these years in trying to educate my one sister. My dad does continue to improve and listen though. It all depends I guess.....