Terrible Day with Oldest difficult child (release vent)

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Tiapet, Apr 24, 2012.

  1. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    Well, she had been doing good and fairly even with her moods on new medication. Lately she's starting to have a few more outbursts of anger easily being set off and of course always takes it out on me no matter the cause. She is seeing her new dr and therapist and mostly liking the therapist but just the other day complained "she's not really helping me", which usually is a sign that trouble might be brewing though I strongly suspect she is looking for quick response from her. I believe that the therapist is just getting to know her since she's only seen her maybe two or three times. Hardly any time for her to get a feel for how to even help her as she is just learning what the issues really are.

    She continues to be angry with her little sister's behavior which no one can do anything about so she is constantly fighting with her then telling me that I'm not doing my job as a parent or getting the right help for her, etc. We all know I am doing all I can and have been. The professionals don't have answers or clues how the heck am I suppose to? LOL She's still angry over her college situation and frustrated that she can't get back to school even though she came up with a plan B, which I thought was great and even told her how she could proceed with that.

    Today I had drifted off while waiting to go pick up middle difficult child for her psychiatrist appointment as I was sitting on couch. It wasn't long and it was late in afternoon an hour before school would be letting out. She comes downstairs where I am sleeping already yelling about school (guess she thought I was awake) and starting on me and it just exploded from there. She starts because she's decided she wants to go back to her old college for the summer program. I told her there is no way she could because A) she just adopted a dog (she paid for) and now has the responsibility for it, who will take care of it? She says her brother and sister. Right, the two who don't do a darn thing now as it is and absolutely will NOT take care of HER dog and/or she will complain (like she did with HER cat) that they took over the animal and the dog no longer likes her? B) her account at said school is LOCKED! She can't do anything, register for classes at that school even, obtain transciripts for that or any other school, etc. She can no more go back there then anywhere (which is why she isn't in school now). C) She left there because she needed to be here to get the support and services to address her BiPolar (BP) as well and that is on record. They won't take her back. and finally D) her financial aid application for this year went in and while she has funding (if everything was resolved) it would only cover her for a fall tuition. If she wanted to go for summer she would have to reapply to put down for more funding (she won't get anymore as it is) and state for summer but the deadline to apply for old school is May 1 and it won't process in time but regardless see B&C!

    So she says how does she know? That I am lying to her. I said I have never lied to her and make it a point never to lie to her. How does she know that I'm still not lying to her? Well dear because you can call the Bursers office and ask for yourself and find out, better yet I offered to call tomorrow and she can hear for herself (have another line she can listen in on since she has such a phone phobia). I'm still a liar. That I've lied period. I repeated that I've never lied to her. Then I'm not human as everyone lies. I said no, I don't lie and wouldn't unless I REALLY had to (you know those white lies we have to tell to protect something, yes lies but it's the kind like "do I look good?", those kinds).

    Then she jumps to that "I" wanted her to do the plan B now because it would mean more money and sooner (HER career so what does this have to do with me and SHE came up with the idea??). Plan B is to become a nurse so that she doesn't necessarily have to attend college (can go through a nursing school and have no need for transcript, will get her doing something, etc). Then she swiftly follows with that I am a terrible parent, I am a failure at relationships, my marriage had failed, I don't know how to handle money (excuse me? hmm bills are paid, nothing is ever a problem, SHE is the one that always has a problem with HER money and doesn't have enough), on and on with more and more terrible things. Like she searched her mind for every and any horrible thing she could come up! I also told her I am not her punching bag (figuratively) when she is angry about something or at someone. That I am no ones punching bag ever. She said I should have gotten out of my marriage then back in the day! Excuse me I'm thinking? Thank god I had to leave but I should have just shut up, I did try (though not hard enough), I know not to engage but she pushes and ups the anty purposely because she likes to fight.

    So while I'm gone she cleans the house and does a couple of loads of laundry. Very nice indeed, though in reality it was a guilt clean (trust me on this as it is an MO with her). She will not apologize ever. I just stayed neutral when I came home and didn't say much as I was too busy dealing with the other difficult children at the time.

    Suddenly young difficult child let her dog out the front door! Omg.....chaos insued. Once dog was captured, not hard really, anger erupts again and of course where does it come? ME! She starts all over again and this time the words were even worse then the first time. Of the choice things that came out, and I really didn't engage this time I went with replying "whatever" to which she replied that is a 4 year old's response and you are basically saying I'm right. I still kept saying whatever! LOL So back to her choice words......she told me "I wish I could kill you, I wish I could over dose you! (I take about 22 pills a day as it is for all my health issues), I wish you would die, and she said something else to the fact like she was saying but she was going up the stairs and I was just trying to tune her out by then.

    She did finally come back down about an hour or so later while I was beginning to make dinner. I had decided I'm just not talking to her, which I've done before as she hates it and she needs to learn it is NOT ok to speak to me like that and her words were hurtful, very this time to a level they should NEVER go! Normally I would begin speaking in a matter of hours but due to the severity of what she said today I'm feeling like I probably will take another whole day of not speaking to her (unheard of). She will never apologize either. She never has. If I even attempt to tell her what she did wrong it will go no where but explode her again.

    Thanks for letting me vent this. I just couldn't keep this one inside me. It was just too much this time. I'm really shocked that she took it this far. I get that she is frustrated but I also know there are things SHE could be doing to help her situation and NO, she should not be leaving it up to me. I have been forcing her to do a bit about everything on her own, like it or not (her).
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You know Tia...honestly, her outbursts sound awfully close to the ones going on in my house currently. Either by me or by Tony. I cant tell you exactly why they are happening but my guess is stress. I was informed today that I am a complete failure at keeping house. That he works and I do absolutely nothing around the house and we live in a complete dump that should be condemned. I am so lazy that I am just pitiful and that any cleaning that has ever gone on has been done by him. When I attempted to point out that no one in this house even attempts to help me, he went off on me about how he works. Okay, I give him that but he contributes to the mess. Its not like he actually throws trash in the trash can, he tosses it on the floor for me to pick up. He only washes dishes he needs to cook out of. If I ask him to take the junk mail Billy brings me into my bedroom out to the trash can after I go through the mail, he just tosses it on the bedroom floor. If I manage to pick up a trash bag of trash in my bedroom he wont take it out and my dog will dig in it so it ends up torn and all the trash is back out on the floor again. Its a never ending mess.

    We go round and round over things. Now we are fighting over the puppies being in the house at night because of mama being lost. Of course they arent trained. They are 5 weeks old. I have them in a little crate but they do mess in it and I take them out to eat and the poop and pee. I have an old carpet out so they cant do it on our regular one. We can just toss the old carpet out when they leave. This is an emergency. I am able to deal with a bit of smell when emergencies happen.

    Anyway...sorry to vent on your thread...lol...but I understand. Maybe something is in the air.
  3. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry, I know it is SO frustrating. One suggestion (even though I know you didn't ask for any, just venting). Next time she starts talking about her plans for school: try saying, "ok, cool... let's talk later about how you might be able to do that." This is something I learned with my kids. Many times Youngest comes to me with grand plans, plans I know aren't possible. But if I try to tell her why she can't do things that way? A huge blow-up ensues, similar to what you experienced (and oh boy, they can push the nasty buttons can't they?!) . I realized I needed to let *her* figure out why it wouldn't work, on her own. I now try to bite my tongue as much as I can, until she figures it out herself.

    Youngest has anxiety issues too, gets overwhelmed easily and also doesn't like to make calls. Sometimes I have to lead her through it by saying, "ok, so what do you need to do to accomplish that?" or "have you thought about this?" Don't give her a laundry list of why she can't do it, let her come up with that list herself. She may still get angry once she figures out she can't do it her way, but, it's a slightly different level of anger, and it's less likely to be directed at you full-force. Because it's not you telling her she's wrong, it's the facts telling her she's wrong.. if that makes sense.

    Easier said than done, of course, when you're woken up by a tirade. I know personally I'm darn cranky if someone wakes me up from a nap LOL.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Tia, I don't mean to sound harsh though this may. It truly is meant from the heart.

    If she is of normal intelligence, living at home, not in school, is she working? Are you doing her ANY favors allowing her to live with you and treat you like this? I know there are problems, but this went way too far. She is saying stuff she has no business saying, esp to the person who is paying the bills for her. Have you maybe thought about forcing her to support herself for a while? If the mental health issues are that severe, sign her up for ssi and get her a representative payee to handle the $ and get her out of your home. It does her NOtHING positive to be able to live there and act like that. It truly doesn't.

    As far as no apologies, that is garbage. It is her way of not facing the reality that she truly went WAY too far. in my opinion this situation would result in a sincere, heartfelt apology made iwth words, deeds, AND hard work with a therapist or she would be scooting her tushie way the heck out of my home.

    This is NOT going to ever get better until the point you stop tolerating it. Yes, in the moment nothing would calm her down except calling 911 and having the cops address the issue of verbal abuse with her. BUT after the fact it is fine to not talk to her for a while but you DO have to set some boundary and tlel her never again or get out and do it yourself if you are so great. I know how harsh that is, and that you will worry because she may not be able to care for herself.

    If you continue to ALLOW her to treat you like this, this is ALL you will ever see from her. Apologies are not optional for anyone. That is just arrogance. I don't really care what her problem with them is - it is just a fact of life that everyone needs to make them sometimes. Or they cannot live iwth other people or have other people in their lives. Maybe that needs to be a boundary?

    PLEASE, go and talk to someone about this. this is NOT healthy for YOU or for HER. It is NOt good parenting to let your adult child continue in this path of behavior with-o setting some very clear 'don't you ever DARE" boundaries. Not only is this hurting YOU, it is also hurting her AND your other kids. They see her treat you like this so why should they not treat you the same way? Please figure out a way to set the boundaries so that she MUST stop treating you this way. if she cannot learn this, then the chance she will EVER be a successful parent, spouse or employee are pretty much gone. to work with others, to have a family, you MUST apologize and you MUST make amends and a load of laundry or twelve is NOT an apology or amends.

    Now that she is an adult, your work as a parent is harder. You have to draw that line and unacceptable behavior needs to be given a clear line - and maybe moving out and paying her own way without the help of financial aid for college, even for a few weeks or months, would wake her up to the reality that she needs you and that means she needs to behave like an adult instead of like a disrespectful child.

    I am so sorry to sound so harsh. I just cannot for the life of me see a good future for her with this behavior. now that she is an adult, the lessons MUST be harsher because the stakes are just so high. She is out of time to get away with this. Childhood is when you behave like this and learn that "WOW, that was the wrong thing to do, now I have to say I'm sorry and make it right!" and if they don't grasp this, then they need the real world, not life at mommy's with mommy paying the bills and directing things, to make them have to learn that lesson.

    Parenting adults is hard, and allowing her to be a child does her no favors, in my opinion. Yes, it is hard to draw those lines, and to insist a child leave, and it can tear you up something awful, but it is what the young adult NEEDS and is part of parenting to give those hard, painful lessons.

    I cannot even imagine saying those things to my parents. My dad would knock me out so fast I would be in 1892 and my mom? OMG I don't even ever want to THINK about that. She is the nastiest, most creative consequence finding person I have ever come across. At least to me she can be. I also cannot imagine my kids saying that as adults. They might to husband because he won't set boundaries. But me? they are just a little afraid of what I would do to them, and in my opinion it is not a bad thing. They know I would set that boundary, come up with the harsh consequence if needed, and do it with love, but they also know that I would not waiver or hesitate BECAUSE it is what they need - and it is not what is easy or fun for me.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    So sorry she is so off the hook.....since she is 20 she really does need to go somewhere.... a transition program for people with mental health issues etc. I lived in a transition home (really it was kind of a homeless shelter though I had an apartment) when I went through eating disorder treatment, it was so good to be around other people who had issues and were working on changing their situations. Many had mood disorders, a couple were from domestic violence situations, several were truly homeless, had come from living under a bridge type of situation. There are places she can go and start to move on....you can still be involved, and she can still get doctors care. Your hands are so full with the two others, I know you love her but maybe it is time for her to make a step? Only you know if this is even doable...and of course it depends on the resources in your area.
  6. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    Janet - it's not quite like your house, though she will explode at times. She will help around the house unike those in your house as she knows I can not do things anymore like I used to. She's the only one who will actually do anything. The comment about about guilt clean was the level of cleaning she did. It was far and above a normal pick up. The house normal is fairly decent but sometimes it gets to be really messy of things that just get dropped (clutter) left all over in the way, never dirty, and laundry can get backed up. You are right about the stress. A bunch of this does have to do somewhat with the stress here over the younger difficult children and the fact that they have issues that are a problem, middle one being the biggest. No much we've been able to do with her but we are working on it from all angle for them both and have support and services in place. She also resents the fact very much that life was different for her (prior to their births) and how she was treated when she had many of the problems we are going through with the younger difficult children. You know the saying do better when you know better. That's what is happening as well as I am no longer with an abusive ex who treated her horribly. She expects them to be treated as harshly as she was. That is NOT going to happen, ever! It's been a big battle.

    Crazy in Va - I have tried that with her but everything with her needs an answer right now. I've told her to figure out answers that I can't do everything for her and often in time she will. This has been festering for months and hence how she created her own plan b. She just didn't act on that one yet, she jumped ahead to this "new" plan instead! Since she was little everything has always been my fault. Not sure why but it's always been like this with her. It's funny because on one hand she will call me "god or magical" because I can make things right or happen or work out in her life and this is why she uses those terms (and I always tell her I am no such thing and don't like her saying this- years ago her therapist tried to help her understand how uncomfortable it made me feel, the pedestal she had put me on) then on the other everything is my fault and she takes it all out on me (no matter what the issue is). It's a paradox type thing I guess.

    Susie - I can appreciate where you are coming from. She already is on SSI, already contributes her share to the bills and actually uses that as an excuse as she is paying "rent/board (which covers her % of everything but food as it never would cover it all). I in turn give her back an allowance for the month to spend that she must budget on anything she wants to get or do. Of course as a parent, we always do for our kids as well and I've been cutting back on that trying to teach her. I am her rep since she can not handle her own money (see so she can not handle it like she says she can!) I go by the federal guidelines as to what she can be charged, however, of course as stated above, if I charged her what they say to charge (to keep in reality if she lived on own) she would have nothing. Yes, I could do that but I feel that would definitely teach her nothing and most certainly create much more tension in this house then is necessary. She is learning, slowly.

    Her mental health is unstable. This is why it is crucial for her to stay with her doctor and therapist and that is a battle to begin with. It usually doesn't last as she will find a conflict somehow or start refusing to take medicine as "what's the point"? She does have BiPolar (BP) but we are now looking at a suspected personality disorder I think, she has severe anxieties. In the past she had a diagnosis of intermittent explosive disorder to. That had gone away but I'm not so sure it hasn't returned because boy, it sure seems like it's back! She gets angry over everything and everyone. She can get ****** at someone online and then explode here. She can get angry and explode over the wrong usage of proper grammer (she is heavily into that). She has serious issues. On the other hand, it is a daily struggle for her with suicidal thoughts. I'm not sure how to explain this though. They are there. She doesn't act on them but she must battle them every single day and NO medication has helped (and she has been on it all). She does not need to be hospitalized because basically she is not "dangerous". She'd end up there for life. I don't know if you understand this? This girl is struggling to just get through life. I'm not excusing her by any means.

    Her words about my life, well I came from an abusive relationship. She just felt I should have been able to just up and leave, period. Easier sad then done sometimes. I am not sure about the money, I think it's the pot calling the kettle black honestly because there's never been an issue regarding that, it was a left field statement and I didn't take it personally. I have boundaries with her and she respects most of them except when she explodes like this. We just haven't found a way to work through stopping her from doing it. She is a writer and I know in her writing that I have seen, she has written many times how she will say things she regrets but she says them to hurt those she loves. Her writing is very revealing and I have been privy to some of it. I don't know if she can control this or not at this time. But I do know that she is capable of apologizing. There in lies the difference. She follows my rules for the house (adult or not). Many adults living at home may not do this, she does. Again, we have boundaries and rules for living at home. She's not reading or capable of living on own or in transitional type (due to her personality and issues). We just keep working on these things. I have access to her doctor and therapist as well so another plus that she allows this as she knows that she needs outside input to help her and help them at times. I only add input when necessary. Otherwise I let her be with the doctor and therapist to work it out for herself. Does any of this make sense?
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Sounds like a job in the making to me! I wish I could get Q to do that..... It is really hard that our difficult child's are on their own time line, if she is really that unstable then I can see why you are continuing to work on things. I wish there was a day facility or something though so she could be working intensively with someone else too....just to get her from being around sibling stress, to learn to be not so socially phobic and to give you a break too.... A girl can wish for you, right???
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    You should have called me you know. I'm here. You can't talk to her, but you can talk to me. I'm so sorry.

    Their own mistakes really do come back to bite them huh? Consequences are being held and she doesn't like that so she's getting really, REALLY ugly. As far as the doctor comments? I would suspect that something may have been said similar to what you and she spoke about and it also struck a nerve and she's talking to you trying to get perhaps a different angle to take back as fire power with doctor and when you've said the exact same thing? It enraged her. POSSIBLY meaning - school so she could get away from siblings? (her constant source of stress) ??

    Just a guess. But you don't deserve to be treated like that......and in my humble opinion she NEEDS to give you some sort of apology.
  9. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    I did hold out on the not talking until about 4 today and she said you're still not talking? I said I really don't want to. She was asking general questions about different day to day things and I eased back into it with her. I said I really don't need to be exploded on. At one point something angered her and she started yelling about it and I told her "this is why, I don't need the yelling" and she pointed out (this is an example of grammer issue with her) she was not yelling but she was raising her voice! lol semantics if you asking me. She was yelling but she likes to do this about words and will debate just about everything anyhow even if it's not about grammer. I'm not a type person to enter any debates with anyone. Never have been.

    Anyway, she immediately backed right down and lowered her voice and talked normal again. She also went on to make a statement about how I don't get her/understand her, something to that affect, anymore. This is something new as I do and have always gotten her a lot more then she knows. She knew I did understand her but I think there is a disconnect going on right now within herself as well and that is part of the frustration.

    Funniest thing is I had put in a call to her therapist the day before this all had occurred because she made a statement about what was the point of going to this therapist because it wasn't helping. I knew something was brewing and that was a warning that she was withdrawing. My point in calling was to give this new therapist a heads up to the statement and let her know that I realized she's probably still trying to get a feel for her but difficult child is looking for some immediate feedback on "how" or "what" she might be able to do about situation (assuming she hadn't already given it). Also to let her know that she may need to speak to dr about this because sleeping pattern has now changed again back to what it was with new medication on board coinciding with the behavior amping up to. I notice every little change in all the difficult child's. I have no choice as it's been my life and I'm here all the time! LOL Therapist finally did call me back today but it was bad timing as difficult child was right here so I let it go to voicemail. I try not to talk to her within ear shot as I know it angers difficult child. It's different if I GO to the appointment with difficult child but if I call and fill her in on details some how it makes a difference to difficult child, kind of like I'm ratting her out? Little oddities like this.

    Star thank you. Yes I could have called you. I just get through these things, with them all. This one I knew I could just vent away here. I know it will pass too. She does need to apologize for what she said. I'm not sure she is of mindset that she can right now. I will allow her time and see what happens. I do know it bothers her. I think it's like Buddy with Q, conflicting thoughts. Just like today right after the incident about "yelling" semantics, she said the harsh words to her beloved dog too! I KNOW her mind is not well as she would NEVER say that to her either. The dog had an accident after just coming in from being outside going potty.

    It breaks my heart because she's like the guy in A Beautiful Mind, brilliant but sick. She did well for so many years but right now we are trying to get her restabilized and it's just been and continues to be a rough road. If not for her.....I would have never found this board back in 1996 and developed my hard earned shield, it's just got a few dents along the way! :)
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I don't have anything brilliant to add, however I was wondering if the possible personality disorder that is in question may be borderline. The reason I ask is because regular therapy in my opinion doesn't help borderline all that much (and bipolar and borderline often go together). There is a new therapy, dialectal behavioral therapy, which was constructed with borderline, and the constant up/down moodswings of it, and I feel like it is the best therapy EVAH! Maybe, if that is what they are thinking about, DBT would help her more than whatever she is getting now. I believe her that therapy doesn't help her. Regular therapy didn't do much for me either. Her explosiveness reminds me of borderline.

    Here is a good article explaining both DBT and a little about borderline, if you are interested. Just thought maybe you'd be...if not, is ok!
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It seems like you have a great handle on things. You know her best, and being at home paying her share is a very different thing than being there not paying anything and exploding all over mom whenever. So my comments were wrong and I am sorry I misjudged. It was a bad day and I wasn't thinking as clearly as usual.

    One thing that helped HUGELY with Wiz was when we stopped allowing semantics and justifications. We learned it when he was in the psychiatric hospital and we would just say 'justification' and ignore his 'reason' or whatever, or say 'semantics' and go on and ignore his statement. He hated it at first, but after a while he realized he was using it to distance himself and not have to feel or think about what he had done that was a problem. I don't know f that is the right approach to handle it with your daughter, just that it did work with Wiz. After he had been with my parents for a year or two I reminded my mom of this and it made a huge difference when she started doing it again.

    Mostly I think your instincts will guide you to figure out what she needs. Any time a child is suicidal it just terrifies the parents and it has to be handled differently than if that wasn't a problem. I am sorry it is a problem that you ahve to face and fear with her. DBT may be very helpful, and EMDR might help with the ptsd from her childhood. It might make a huge difference for her.

    While I realize this was not written for adult chldren, it still might help you some. Dr. Doug Riley wrote a book called What Your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You and if her explosions are back it mght be helpful to you. Heck, it might help her figure out why she explodes too. Self knowledge can be a wonderful thing when it comes to adjusting behaviors. You also might talk through any sensory issues to see if there is a way to help her with some of the sensory problems of living in a family.

    If she doesn't have a copy of Eats, Shoots and Leaves, it might be a great gift for her. The author has at least one other book that I forget the name of, but they might be something she really enjoyed as a gift at some point. My family is big on grammar and word choice, etc..... My dad still laughs at all the Saturday mornings when he was watching Bugs Bunny and I was reading a dictionary or encyclopedia instead, lol. My mom keeps Eats, Shoots and Leaves and similar books in the bathrooms, along wth Elements of Style by Strunk and White (it lived in the bathrooms when I was a teen, lol. Periodically the copies got replaced as they fell apart from being read too often. )
  12. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    Mwm - yes, I think you are right on with your thoughts. She is extremely black and white thinking and has always been. There is no shades of grey or anything in between. I read your link and what it says and it's very true of her! I will speak with therapist and see if they offer that type of therapy or not. I saw it also said that along with weekly therapy they would suggest group sessions. She would never agree to that. I can't even get her to go to a support group in RT or online.

    Susie - No need to be sorry. You were just doing what we're all here to do. Offer support and/or suggestions when and where we can. :) I'm sorry you were having a bad day. I hope your days start looking up soon. I have told it it's just semantics at times but that just doesn't matter. It's always best if I just don't say anything and let her go and move forward. When she was young we Riley'd her room (door removed, etc.). I've long passed off my book collections of his and all the others (like Love and Logic, etc). I figure that the ones I gave them too now needed them more then I had since I had digested what I needed and they were new along the road to learning.

    Her sensory issues are noise. Other then that I haven't identified anything else to this date. She has learned how to handle that one for the most part. I will look at the other book you suggest. She loves books and reading if I think it's one she will accept I'll get it. She's extremely picky on her books since they are her "life". I am very serious about this as she even loves the smell of them. She will not just read any book and I've had problems in the past when I've bought a book for her and she didn't like it. She really knows what she wants.
  13. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Sensory issue of noise.
    I'm guessing she doesn't like crowds etc.?

    Maybe it isn't actually the noise itself, so much...
    Any chance she might (on top of everything else) have Auditory Processing Disorders (APD)?
    One of the lessor-known APDs is auditory figure ground - not being able to focus in on what you want to hear... so the important things (like the voice of the person you are with, or a teacher) get "lost". It just takes so much effort to pick up the words, that the meaning gets lost...

    I only bring it up because I've seen what effect APDs have on a person... and what happens when they actually find out what is going on between their ears (literally) and what works and what doesn't...
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Tia...you know how long this koi has been going on in my house and just this morning I think a truce has been called. I went and crawled into Tony's bed at 3:30 am and snuggled up to him and just said I am done. I cant stand all the conflict and fighting anymore and I want us back. Of course this was said with tears. He said the same thing and said he was waiting for me to come in. He held me and told me he needs me and doesnt want anyone to come between us and will never let anyone come between us. So....things are looking up. It took a long time to get that apology out!
  15. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    Insane - she has an auditory processing deficit, or at least she did when she was little. She can tolerate crowds to some degree but has social anxieties, not the noise (on her terms only). It depends on her moods as to what level of noise or what noise bothers her. There are, however certain noises that no matter what get to her every time.

    Janet - I'm glad you and Tony are back on better terms and he has apologized. I hope things start looking up and stay that way! :)

    Just this morning she came in my bedroom (at 7A!) when the kids were all getting ready for school as she had made them pancakes for breakfast (she had promised them it since Monday) because they have state testing all week. She said it was *sarcastically* wonderful as she was up all night being manic. Then proceeded to ask if I was mad at her for going off. I bluntly but nicely told her no, I usually just ignore her and let it blow off but the level she took it the other day and what she said to me was not right and in excuseable. I can't ignore that. She got that I was mad and upset over it. She walked out.

    I saw this beginning to happen near the end of last week though. Her sleeping habits were changing and she was beginning to sleep during the day longer and staying up later at night. Then came the explosiveness progressively getting worse. It just went to a new level for her. I put a call in to psychiatrist today now (therapist was other day) since she said what she did to me this morning. doctor called me back (well nurse) and we got her appointment switched from Monday to tomorrow for looking at medications. I'm thinking that she may need an adjustment and/or change addition to them.

    She's very aware, as am I, though I see things a lot quicker, sooner then her when these changes start happening. Most of the time she is acceptable for being steered into the right direction unless she's too deeply under. Just glad that it's not like that at this moment in time.