TG I'm home!

[klmno]

I missed my dogs and absolutely hated this trip because I was at the mercy of someone who think the world is supposed to revolve around her in order to get ANYWHERE. And she refused to help with the very stuff I was supposedly sent to train her on. I don't know if our boss told us two different things or if she is just refusing because she doesn't care if it costs her the job or not.

Anyway, if I didn't think it before, I am for darn sure now that I need to be actively pursuing other employment. I think I'm way too old to be gone 10-11 weeks over the nhext 7 months, especially when 4 week-long trips are scheduled for me over the next 10 weeks. No one else in this company has a travel schedule like I was given. And I make NO money when the trip is too far for me to drive. Of course I was led to believe that travel would be about 1 week a month or at most 1 week a month when I interviewed and was offered the job. And a large part of the reason they have me scheduled to do so much is because others that I'm supposedly supposed to train are refusing to learn or playing dumb. If I did that, I'd be gone in a week. I have decided that the assertiveness I learned years ago in therapy has somehow left me over the course of time and I no longer have the ability to be assertive in a constructive way, without cutting my nose off despite my face.

I need a refresher course because clearly, my boss and others that work for him are viewing me as a doormat.

 

[DDD]

Enjoy the weekend. Sounds like you absolutely need a few days break. Hugs. DDD

 

[klmno]

Yes I do! Unfortunately, I only get tomorrow and Sunday- which will be spent doing laundry, grocery shopping, etc, and visiting difficult child, then it's back to work first thing Monday morning to turn in documentation from this trip and finish making reservations for the next one- in 2 weeks. Then it will be 1 week here, 1 week gone, for 6 weeks.

 

[DDD]

I think that your visit with difficult child will be a great opportunity for him to hear how well you're doing. The fact that you have reinvented your life (sans any complaints) should be inspiring. He doesn't need to know that its' full of stress, nutty bosses, deviations from what was promised etc. Just that you are working hard, like some of your responsibilities and hope to improve some parts of your assignment. Fingers crossed he will be able to share success stories with you, too. Hugs. DDD

 

[Steely]

Hi KLMNO -
Good to say hi again!!!
Last time I was on the board you were unemployed and difficult child was in jail.
Sounds like you got a job, yay - albeit a nutty one - but in this economy it is hard to complain. I just recently lost mine.
Where is difficult child now? How is he doing?
Start looking for work now, while you hold onto what you have - that was the mistake I made for sure. I knew the rocks were sliding towards me, and I thought if I tried harder and did more they rock slide would not occur - but it did - throwing me right off the mountain.
Hugs,
Steely

 

[klmno]

It's good to hear from you, Steely, but I'm sorry to hear that you are now unemployed- you really motivated me to hang in there and keep looking despite the odds! I'm thankful to have foubnd this job but as most find after a p[eriod of unemployment, I think I'm getting trampled and have been mislead. Actually I'm sure of it- the boss has a reputation for it. I
''m just hoping it can lead to something better, or at least, it gives me a little time to think and make a rational instead of desparate decision about where to go from here.

difficult child was released from Department of Juvenile Justice for the offense of pulling a knife on me but wasn't out long before he came to my bedroom while I was sleeping and cut my pockets to get the last cash in my pocket so now he's back in Department of Juvenile Justice. I wouldn't believe a word he says right now- not that I think everything he says is a lie, just that I can't tell anymore what is and what isn't. He will probably get released sometime later on this year but where he'll go then is a real predicament. The choices appear to be right back to where we were except worse because now I have government issued things pertaining to my job and I have to travel for it, going to dss- meaning my bro- which is a horrible decision, or a group home which is most unlikely and I've heard that Department of Juvenile Justice group homes are the most likel;y to have incidences of abuse. Thins aren't good for him- he has apparently just given up on anytjhing but a life of crime and anything else is done to deceive others into thinking he really does want more.

I'm sorry that I haven't kept up better with you and M. I hope you both are still finding a way to hang in there thru the tough times. I guess that's all any of us can do right now, those of us who had everything come crashing down at once that is.

 

[DammitJanet]

K...I dont know that I would completely believe that Department of Juvenile Justice group homes are the most likely to have abuse. Unless VA is very lax, and I have no reason that they would be more so than most states, they have to have very stringent rules and procedures in place. I know the two male group homes associated with Department of Juvenile Justice in my county were run quite well even though they were not homey. They were strict, I think one was locked. They all had 24/7 staff and not single staffing. It was all multiple staff members. The staffing was all awake at all times. Not a home - like situation. Im sure that issues can and do arise but staff is available to nip problems in the bud.

 

[klmno]

They'll never pay for difficult child to go to a group home. I learn a tad bit more about this stupid state and hhow they handle this juvie stuff every time difficult child is in the revolving door. The latest assessment is this- a judge or jurisdiction where the offense was committed can do these things: send kid back to parent on parole, turn kid over to dss but currently in this state dss can only send a kid somewhere like therapuetic foster home, Residential Treatment Center (RTC), or group home IF there is NO extended family member willing to take the kid. (My bro has that option blown and that's why options have been so limited.), or send kid to Department of Juvenile Justice group home. This state's Department of Juvenile Justice will only do that IF the other two options fail or can't be made to work. Plus, the past two years they have closed all group homes funded by Department of Juvenile Justice and only have 2 left. They are for boys at a min of 16 1/2 yo. They have a back load and waiting list to get in and they've already tightened the criteria to boys who were violent offenders, have unfit families, and are refused by dss. Therefore, these particualr group homes have the worst of the worst in them, supposedly. But it doesn't matter because they will first use courts to try to force me to take difficult child, then send difficult child to dss/my bro rather than leave him sitting in Department of Juvenile Justice on the waiting list for one of those 2 group homes. I figure any way I look at it, difficult child will have another round with the revolving door. Department of Juvenile Justice is all he knows as a teen at this point. If he does anything more extreme next time, they'll probably try him as an adult. Then, he'll still be sent to a juvy facility until he's 18, then be out by 21 yo, still knowing nothing but the system. They have NO flippin' program for boys his age to "earn" their total freedom back, or earn the right to move back into a regular family home. It's "unlock the door, and send them home on parole". Honestly, what idiot thinks seeing and talking to difficult child and me 15 mins every 2 or 4 weeks will prevent re-offending? How much money are taxpayers contributing to juvy PO's salaries? How many programs could be established that might actually benefit some of them if they weren't spending the money on these newbie POs? How many kids' lives are going down the tubes because there best chance for rehabilitation counldn't be funded?

In the second sentnece, where I listed option of "offending jurisdiction" meaning the jurisdiction the offense was committed in- that is because even though I have moved, it is still up to that jurisdiction to determine where they want difficult child sent upon his release from incarceration. The options I listed are the options of the judge there, who'll sign off on whatever GAL, PO, etc, recommend. I moved to this jurisdiction hoping beyond hope that once difficult child's file was transferred here, we'd have better options. We don't. His file is transferred because I moved and the plan was for him to return home. If I refuse to let him or if they determine I'm traveling too much or whatever, they send the file back to the original jurisdiction for them to re-evaluate where to place difficult child upon release. He'd surely go to dss/my bro. I've already been told that. The only chance would be for bro to refuse and he will never do that.

 

[klmno]

The people running visitation at Department of Juvenile Justice got a piece of my mind this morning though. I didn't yell but after standing 45 mins in line in the cold outside because this ridiculous facility only lets 2-5 people in at a time to be frisked and checked in, I told them I didn't want to hear another word from ANYONE there thru PO that I should be visiting more often. I've been going every 2 weeks and it's a 2 hour drive, one way. I reminded them why difficult child was in there in the first place- both times he was committed to Department of Juvenile Justice- as I was dangling my socks since now they have decided to have every parent remove shoes and socks for inspection. I was livid and told them I would be going in to tell my son not to expect to see me again until the weather warmed up and then it wouldn't be every 2 weeks anymore and I don't care what anyone says about it. Then I proceeded with saying PO could just talk to them and they could re-evaluate whatever they wanted to. I don't care but I'm sick and tired of being treated like the one who broke the law- again- reminding them how he ended up there to begin with.

I had to other mothers stop me in the parking lot after visitation to "discuss" the stupid system in our state. Not that we think our sons are innocent- we get that- but let's face it, they are getting worse in there, not better.