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<blockquote data-quote="everywoman" data-source="post: 331054" data-attributes="member: 1436"><p>While you said nothing for years about dear DADEEEEE, in his mind Dudeeeee had built him up...over and over again. Imagining that that man would have been there if mom had not run him off, if mom had not been sooooo mean, if mom had...because DADEEEEEE was absent. He did not have to discipline; he did not have to say no; he did not have to do anything to remain perfect except for you to be silent. Dude is old enough now and remembers far more than you think. My Josh is now 27---and he is just coming to terms with his biodad and his absence (bio's decision). Now that he has children, he has a hard time understanding how a man (that word is used very loosely to describe ex) could walk away from a child. I forgave ex for that because I knew that what he did was the best thing for my son. I think Josh is at the point that he is ready to forgive him because he sees where the anger and pain can lead from watching my own experience.</p><p></p><p>As a mother, I could not have done what my mother or father did. I could not have left my children to be raised by someone else. I have more courage than my mother did. She is a weak victim of her own making. My father is dead. He had great intentions---just never could follow through as there was always another woman (loads and loads of them) with children to raise (not his, but he took pride in raising other men's chidren.) Josh has see me handle the situation with my parents. I forgave both of them long ago. For my sake. My sister hasn't. She still hangs on, much like a lost puppy, to my mother. She is as helpless and as much a victim as my mother. And I watch and repeat over and over: I will never, ever be a victim.</p><p></p><p>Hopefully Dude can come back enlightened and carrying a much lighter load of guilt on why DADEEEEE left him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="everywoman, post: 331054, member: 1436"] While you said nothing for years about dear DADEEEEE, in his mind Dudeeeee had built him up...over and over again. Imagining that that man would have been there if mom had not run him off, if mom had not been sooooo mean, if mom had...because DADEEEEEE was absent. He did not have to discipline; he did not have to say no; he did not have to do anything to remain perfect except for you to be silent. Dude is old enough now and remembers far more than you think. My Josh is now 27---and he is just coming to terms with his biodad and his absence (bio's decision). Now that he has children, he has a hard time understanding how a man (that word is used very loosely to describe ex) could walk away from a child. I forgave ex for that because I knew that what he did was the best thing for my son. I think Josh is at the point that he is ready to forgive him because he sees where the anger and pain can lead from watching my own experience. As a mother, I could not have done what my mother or father did. I could not have left my children to be raised by someone else. I have more courage than my mother did. She is a weak victim of her own making. My father is dead. He had great intentions---just never could follow through as there was always another woman (loads and loads of them) with children to raise (not his, but he took pride in raising other men's chidren.) Josh has see me handle the situation with my parents. I forgave both of them long ago. For my sake. My sister hasn't. She still hangs on, much like a lost puppy, to my mother. She is as helpless and as much a victim as my mother. And I watch and repeat over and over: I will never, ever be a victim. Hopefully Dude can come back enlightened and carrying a much lighter load of guilt on why DADEEEEE left him. [/QUOTE]
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