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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 120322" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>G'day, welcome from another beach girl. It's also good therapy for our boys - chuck 'em under a wave and it cools those tempers!</p><p></p><p>Seriously though, I'm with the others - seeing the therapist is NOT optional, he WILL do it even if you have to get someone strong enough to carry him in there. Because you both need answers and his refusal will get both of you absolutely nowhere. He can't spend his life running away from anything he considers unpleasant - a parent can't shield a kid from unpleasantness for very long at all.</p><p></p><p>Have you had him checked out for Asperger's or similar? specially if he seems bright, even if he's not doing so well at school. It often shows up as a combination of behaviour problems, anger problems and a determination to follow his own rules. There are reasons for this, and when you can get an understanding of them, the oppositionality can cease to be such an issue.</p><p></p><p>Strong suggestion - get your hands on a copy of "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It's a darn good book, helps you get a better 'feel' for kids like this. Techniques in it also work for 'normal' kids. It's not a cure, more a management option. We actually found it made life easier.</p><p></p><p>The biggest thing is, if he's Aspie (or Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in some other form) he will show the same respect to adults, that they show to him. We often forget that when we talk to children, especially children for whom we are responsible, we really are using language that we wouldn't tolerate for a minute from another adult. Most kids understand the difference between adults & children - Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids generally don't. And they resent being expected to be nice and polite, when they're surrounded by ill-mannered idiots (in their opinion).</p><p>An example - easy child 2/difficult child 2 at the age of 3 would ask for a drink of juice. It didn't matter if I was busy, she would gt vrey demanding. And if I felt she had enough juice and needed a glass of water for a change, when I gave her the water she would stand with her hands on her hips and say loudly, "I told you I wanted juice!", scolding me like an inattentive student. She was, in fact, dishing back the same behaviour that had been modelled for her. As parents we say to our kids, "I told you to get dressed half an hour ago - what have you been doing?" "Why aren't you in that bath yet?" "Get out of bed, you lazy twerp." But if our kids give that back to us - we say that they are being rude and disrespectful.</p><p>As I said, most kids understand the dichotomy. Aspies don't. And when they give it back - it's not being rude, not for them. They are merely responding as we have taught them.</p><p></p><p>Even a really intelligent child can do this, and still not understand the inappropriateness of it. But an intelligent child will resent the apparent double-standards, and be angry.</p><p></p><p>Read the book. it helps.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 120322, member: 1991"] G'day, welcome from another beach girl. It's also good therapy for our boys - chuck 'em under a wave and it cools those tempers! Seriously though, I'm with the others - seeing the therapist is NOT optional, he WILL do it even if you have to get someone strong enough to carry him in there. Because you both need answers and his refusal will get both of you absolutely nowhere. He can't spend his life running away from anything he considers unpleasant - a parent can't shield a kid from unpleasantness for very long at all. Have you had him checked out for Asperger's or similar? specially if he seems bright, even if he's not doing so well at school. It often shows up as a combination of behaviour problems, anger problems and a determination to follow his own rules. There are reasons for this, and when you can get an understanding of them, the oppositionality can cease to be such an issue. Strong suggestion - get your hands on a copy of "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It's a darn good book, helps you get a better 'feel' for kids like this. Techniques in it also work for 'normal' kids. It's not a cure, more a management option. We actually found it made life easier. The biggest thing is, if he's Aspie (or Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in some other form) he will show the same respect to adults, that they show to him. We often forget that when we talk to children, especially children for whom we are responsible, we really are using language that we wouldn't tolerate for a minute from another adult. Most kids understand the difference between adults & children - Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids generally don't. And they resent being expected to be nice and polite, when they're surrounded by ill-mannered idiots (in their opinion). An example - easy child 2/difficult child 2 at the age of 3 would ask for a drink of juice. It didn't matter if I was busy, she would gt vrey demanding. And if I felt she had enough juice and needed a glass of water for a change, when I gave her the water she would stand with her hands on her hips and say loudly, "I told you I wanted juice!", scolding me like an inattentive student. She was, in fact, dishing back the same behaviour that had been modelled for her. As parents we say to our kids, "I told you to get dressed half an hour ago - what have you been doing?" "Why aren't you in that bath yet?" "Get out of bed, you lazy twerp." But if our kids give that back to us - we say that they are being rude and disrespectful. As I said, most kids understand the dichotomy. Aspies don't. And when they give it back - it's not being rude, not for them. They are merely responding as we have taught them. Even a really intelligent child can do this, and still not understand the inappropriateness of it. But an intelligent child will resent the apparent double-standards, and be angry. Read the book. it helps. Marg [/QUOTE]
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