thank you Got Bullied

[susiestar]

on the bus today. Some kid he didn't recognize - hadn't seen before that he remembers, not from his school - hit him and knocked his glasses off his face. A lens fell out. He came home grumpy, went to his room and did homework. Did come watch a little tv after he ate, but then went to his room again.

Jess went to ask him about something and found him crying. He doesn't cry much so she asked what was going on. She has a way of getting it out of him even when he won't tell us.

He was home sick yesterday and didn't have an assignment that he needed to work on. Spent the afternoon on it, but still had a LOT to do and was freaked out. He hates to be late with assignments, has straight A's, loves school mostly, and we all knew there was more going on. More time with the assignment is easily do-able. Then husband realized that he didn't have his glasses on.

THEN we hear about the bully. He was ashamed because he got bullied. He also lost a lens to his glasses when they fell and no one would help him find it. Our bus drivers are NOTORIOUS for ignoring the kids unless a riot happens. So even if they tell the driver they know nothing is going to happen.

He will be home tomorrow because he will be vomiting by noon if he tries to go to school with only 1 lens or no glasses. He was wearing his backup glasses, having not told me that he lost a lens out of his favorite ones. Of course he needs an eye exam and the eye doctor cannot get him in before Wed. (I was able to get ahold of her before she went home.)

Even if thank you had told me about this the minute he walked in the door, we couldn't have reached anyone at school or transportation. School office closes at 4 and the bus barn closes at 4 also - and thank you doesn't get home until 4:50 at the earliest (of course the bus was running late and it was after 5 when he got home.)

Grrrrrrr. We will get new glasses and try to get an eye exam, but I am just angry. Is it reasonable to want the bully to pay for the new glasses? I want his name, his parents' contact info, and an apology. I also want the bus driver's head for NOT making this stop. The bus is the worst part of his day because the older kids are free to pick on the younger ones as long as they don't get too loud.

It never ends.

 

[nvts]

You can absolutely contact the bullies parents and have them pay for the glasses. Even if they cry poor, they can submit it through their homeowners insurance and you'll get reimbursed with no deductible. You'll also want to notify the school that this is an issue and you're concerned that he may become a target for this kid.

Give thank you a hug from all of us...straight "A's"? Tell him that all he has to concentrate on is that SOMEDAY he'll own his own business and this guy will come begging for a job.

Beth

 

[susiestar]

He has been SUPER bummed this last 2 weeks. The snow caused him to miss his second day this year. He worked REALLY hard to not miss any school this year. When I think of previous years where he missed up to 1/4 of the days in every quarter due to sensory overload, well, he is doing really AWESOME in our eyes! He also missed a day because the ice, and a sick day yesterday, and will have one tomorrow. I hoep that is all this year because he really WANTS to go to school.

Thanks for the info on the homeowner's insurance (IF they have it). It will help settle husband down because he is stressed over money - who isn't these days?

 

[svengandhi]

The SD also has liability insurance. When my daughter sprained her ankle at school, it paid my emergency room deductible (my former employer had imposed a separate $1K per year deductible on ER plus the $5K medical deductible). Frankly, I would go to the school first before fighting with the bully's parents over the HO coverage, which may have exclusions. Fill out an accident report at the school, disclose everything and see if their coverage will handle it.

 

[susiestar]

Our SD fights that like a holy war. Jessie ran into a big concrete pole set 2 1/2 feet in front of a doorway and broke her front tooth in half in fifth grade. They refused to admit it was a safety issue and said it was not their fault - and we couldn't even get into court with it. Heck, we couldn't even get an attorney to take the case. I will try on this one though because in addition to liability, their vehicle insurance should cover it, in my opinion, as it happened on the bus and the driver made NO attempt to stop the bullying.

We actually went back and forth for five months on the tooth. I finally let the dental insurance take over - then they tried to not cover it also but I had a huge hissy and asked what an ad in a major paper that said that X dental company refused to cover THIS (with picture) would do for their business. Would NOT have been libel because it was the TRUTH. They got really snarky but they paid.

 

[HaoZi]

I'm amazed that enough parents haven't complained about it to get the SD to be more responsible about their buses. I'm also surprised thank you didn't pull his dog-chaser on this kid, because I sure would have!

 

[susiestar]

In thank you's mind the alarm is to chase off the dogs. Period. This is one way that his brain simply doesn't think "out of the box". He is a very creative kid in many ways, but in social situations he doesn't react that fast and has more problems. I have no idea why more parents don't react except that I think many don't realize that they CAN react. After all, the kids don't know the names of all the kids on the bus (many grades from different schools on the same bus) and the bus barm people are NOT responsive to much of anything. Three or four years ago thank you had 3 winter coats taken by older kids. He would get off the bus in snow and ice, once even freezing rain with no coat and the driver didn't even NOTICE, even though the schools enforce a policy that kids MUST have coats in that kind of weather or they cannot leave the building with-o a parent with a car. Not just with a parent, parent must have a car to drive the child home. At the end of every day the coats were taken off the bus. The next day the drivers could take them home if they had kids/relatives who would wear them (or they wanted to keep them for garage sales as several of the drivers did to earn extra $$ selling "lost" property). Not after a week or two, 24 hours later. If a parent came they could look at the lost and found but nice stuff (esp electronics) did NOT ever get there. Parents were told taht very little is left on the bus because the drivers are "vigilant" to make sure kids have their coats, hats, backpacks, etc... - IF they were told there was a lost and found at the bus barn at all. The secretary/phone person was dating one of the drivers who was holding garage sales and often told parents that found items were delivered to the schools so that the schools could find the owners - part of the reason that you are supposed to put your child's name and school on their belongings. Things got a little bit better when the garage sale of stolen property was exposed to the district (police wouldn't act because "no one" saw the thefts and because it would "embarrass the school district for actions they could not control" or so several of us were told) by a parent who bought designer clothes for her 1st and 2nd grade sons - names like Polo and whoever else is popular and costs $40-$50 for a shirt. She got upset when her boys came home twice with just undershirts or no shirts under their coats. Her boys said that an older kid made them take their shirts off and then handed tehm to teh driver when he got off - and the driver said he didn't have the shirts even though the boys saw him receive them! The shirts were magically "found" and returned to her (with grease stains because the guy worked on cars and was lousy about cleaning his hands). In the way of the "good ol' boys" out here, the secretary got fired for telling people that they had no lost and found and the driver was assigned to another route. He didn't get fired because he was a college kid "trying to make ends meet" and she did even though she was a single parent with kids of her own and no child support.

Those of you who live in small towns will likely be familiar with this kind of thing. In many ways we are a fairly progressive town, but there are still problems, esp in the parts of the school, city gov't, etc... that are not quite as exposed to the public, Know what I mean??

anyway, I have to go and call the school and bus barn now. Seems they don't answer the phone before 8 anymore.

 

[susiestar]

School and Bus were nice on 1st call. Bus phone lady was his driver 2 yrs ago - the one who stopped the nonsense and we LIKED! She told me what a really GOOD, sweet kid he is and then proved she wasn't just saying it by knowing our stop AND that his nose is always in a book, lol! He can be an a lot of the time! She also was interested to hear that the kids are roughousing when the driver isn't paying attention, which seems pretty often to thank you. Her comment was that if it is enough that it seems often to thank you then it is WAY too often as he usually doesn't notice much of anything. She said that she would address that with the driver herself. I know she isn't the real boss, but she is sort of the Mom out there, Know what I mean?? So that is good for the future.

Then I got a call from the investigator. Said thank you left the bus with his glasses on and was fine. I told him they are not very strong and he can go with-o a lens for hours before he realizes it because his sensory issues. So to please ask the driver if he finds a lens to please let us know and give it to thank you or leave it at school. He didn't outright say that it was impossible for someone to walk around with only one lens and not know it, but he sure implied it very clearly! Grrrr. thank you so often kicks himself in the tush by being oblivious.

I know many think I am nuts for getting glasses online, but mine have been excellent each time. three years now and five pairs and no problems. I have had fewer problems than husband with his 200dollar glasses. So there is a deal on woot today for complete pair of glasses for $9 shipped. they had a pair that thank you really liked, spring loaded temples, all the coatings, and will be here in a week or so. He will have headaches with no glasses, but it wouldn't be the case if he had TOLD me when he lost the lens in the other pair when it fell out OR if he had LOOKED for it the way he promised he would. I warned him then, after helping him for over and hour and then being told he didn't lose it there he lost it here (amazing that the first place that I helped him clean and look in was the same area I had just gotten onto him for ont cleaning two days before, isn't it?). When that happened he was told to find the lens or when he lost/broke the other pair it would not be an emergency to get them fixed and he might have to go a week or so with-out them.

He is bad, bad, bad about having a lens fall out and then not noticing and/or not telling us so that it is very hard to track down. I know the one lens is in the house, just not where. So the time with-o glasses will hopefully be enough of a natural consequence to make him more aware the next time tehre is a problem. I am sure my mother will cry medical neglect because we are not getting them instantly but that is her problem. I often had to wait up to four weeks for glasses as a kid because they had to be ordered at the glasses guy. I odn't see how this is different, esp with all the pairs he has lost lenses to over the last few yrs.

 

[barneysmom]

Susie, sorry to hear that thank you was bullied and got hit and his lens busted.

Sounds like you are starting to get double-talk about the validity of the missing lens, and the bullying on the bus.

Hope it all works out for thank you and that the issues are acknowledged.

Jo

 

[DDD]

The SD here has bullying guidelines in place. Somehow, however, it has to be a mega event for any of them to implement the plan. I'm geniunely sorry that thank you was a target. DDD

 

[svengandhi]

Susie -

I did not take my daughter's case to court. I defend law suits for a living and don't like to sue if not necessary. I just called the school, filled out an accident report and asked the school for their insurance coverage. Most businesses and many homeowner policies have something called "medication pay," which covers a certain amount of medical bills (depending on the policy) but there is a deadline for filing. In my state, it's usually a year. You submit the accident report and your own coverage and they pay the difference. If you have no coverage, it would likely be primary.

I am curious about the online glasses you ordered - do you send them the prescription and order the frames? My youngest wears bifocals, which are very expensive. He just got a new scrip and I've been saving up to fill it but $9 glasses sound up my alley.

Good luck - My SD didn't deal with the bullying my son was getting on the bus till I wrote them a lawyer letter informing them I'd sue if he was injured.

 

[susiestar]

I have not found 39dollarglasses to be as good a deal as other sites. If you are interested in online glasses please go and read glassyeyes first. They are an awesome resource and have great info, plus they get their own deals, usually a % off that you get through a code and a link to the glasses website.

I have used online eyeglasses for over almost 5 years now. I have only had one problem and it was MY mistake. Glassyeyes is not as fond of zennioptical because some people have reported problems. I have had good luck with them. When I entered the wrong numbers in one prescription they creditted me for half the price of the glasses even though it was MY mistake. I also have not had to wait over 2 weeks to get them. My mom gets her glasses from a hugely expensive local eye doctor and usually waits almost a month. She says it is a week or so, but in the last years each time she gets glasses there are delays after delays and no price adjustemtns for the hassle of that. My lenses actually come out closer to the rx than the 1 hour places lenses when I use the online places. I have taken glasses from lenscrafters, a local 1 hr chain, and from two online places and the online lenses are spot on and the 1 hr places are "close enough" that they won't re-do them.

The one measurement you need that the eye doctor doesn't give you is the PD. It is the distance between pupils and is crucial for getting the lenses to fit right. Lenscrafters usually gives you this for free as they do your glasses. I have let them know I was still shopping but wanted to get the measurement before I forget. One lady was a bit grumpy last year, but I got a free glasses cleaning kit and a big apology from corporate HQ when I complained. (She kept muttering under her breath about looky loos who were keeping her from her novel - ironically she mentioned one of the Twilight books, lol.) You CAN do this measurement yourself fairly accurately. The method on glassyeyes is quite good. I used it with thank you and iwth myself. I have used the methods on the websites also but they are a bit difficult because I am so blind with-o glasses.

My latest glasses are bifocals (first pair) and they are great. Previously I got a pair of photochromic lenses, the ones that get darker in sunlight, and they were not worth the extra cost. They don't get dark enough in sunlight to deal with my sun sensitivity but if you only need light tinting for sunglasses then they are fine. You can get the coatings that you would get at the stores from the online places. Read the glassyeyes blog about coatings before you choose this though. The 1 hr place "upgraded" Jessie's glasses when we took them in for a damaged lens to a supposedly higher quality more scratch resistant lens that is safer for kids. She now has scratches all over it in the pattern of the way she cleans them, even though she uses a microfiber cloth sold by the company! I have not had that problem with the basic lenses from the online places.

I have a high power, high astigmatism rx and they have even been able to get bifocals that were able to meet those needs, so I am happy. My bifocals cost $63 (checked the receipt online) and are 2 yrs old and have given no problems. I did have a pair of rimless flexible metal glasses that came apart a year after I got them. I couldn't find the right washer and couldn't get them put back together, but I needed new glasses anyway (and had a second pair). I have had halfrim glasses that have been super durable (I have a bad habit of falling asleep inthem), in my opinion partly because they have what looks like fishing line that holds them into the frame partly (as with most halfrim glasses that I have seen).

Glasses are NOT usually as cheap as $8 or $9, but you can find deals. I don't know how long "DealWoot" will work, but it gives you $21 off of a pair of glasses at goggles4U which is essentially free lenses and $1 off frames. The cheapest price frames are not bad quality and they have a big selection. Just be sure to write down any that you like as you go through because it can get confusing. Pay close attention to the measurements so that you get a lens size that you like.

I hope htis helps. by the way, husband got bifocals from the 1 hr place and has had them repaired 3 times each even though he got 3 pr and is really careful with them. They LOOK a lot "sturdier" with thicker arms, etc... but they haven't held up as well. You have to look at the descriptions, but you CAN find spring loaded temples in the cheap frames and a few pairs of the flexible metal glasses there too.

You put your prescription into the computer or fax it to them. I used an out of date rx for thank you because his rx didn't change so the eye doctor didn't write a new one. As long as you are happy with it, the goggles4U site didn't care. I don't know if the others would care or not.

 

[HaoZi]

I'm so picky about my glasses it's not funny. My Rx is so strong that even the thinnest lenses are still pretty thick and heavy on me and cause me sinus pain. I wear contacts during the day, but even just wearing glasses at night can cause me a lot of grief. Thanks for the links, I haven't tried the $39 place before, I'll be doing a good chunk of comparison shopping before I decide on something after I get my exam. Luckily the eye doctor I see at Wal-Mart gives me all the info I need for ordering online if I let him know I need it in addition to my contacts Rx.

 

[susiestar]

Not all eye docs have the equiptment to measure PD, though if they do the glasses there at WM then he shoudl be able to do it. I have that problem also, which is why my glasses were $63. I have just found the $39 place is more expensive so I haven't tried them. The glassyeyes blog iwll be veryhelpful.

 

[HaoZi]

With mine, because I have to have the thinnest lenses, and also tinted lenses because of my night vision (or lack thereof), and this and that gotta-have extras for my comfort, even buying mine on the cheapest sites I will end up paying $120-200. The good thing is that outside of late night emergencies I rarely need them for much outside of home and therefore will use the same pair until it pretty much falls apart or is too many years outdated to use at all.
Changes to adult medicaid in IN is now going to limit glasses for adults to once every 5 years barring a major change in their Rx, in which case they can get a new pair after 2 years, so waiting as long as I do I guess isn't so unusual. I may even wait until next year for new glasses.

 

[svengandhi]

I am going to check these sites out, thanks. My son asked for the glasses that change color because he doesn't like glare in the summer or from the snow. For his first pair, H got a pair from a HS friend who works at an eyeglass place and then he had another friend who is a retired optician order the lenses and put them in. I paid $60 for them. However, I felt guilty taking my son to the glasses shops to pick out a pair just to give H's friend the model number for and I've refused to do that again. If H takes him, fine. Otherwise, I will try to buy online. I don't even like going to small neighborhood stores just to browse because I feel guilty when the sales people ask if they can help and i say I'm just looking.

 

[susiestar]

We have gone and taken pics of us in the glasses to find similar at the online places. I go to a chain when I do this and they don't mind when I ask. But I am odd and always ask. The online sites have features so you can upload your picture or choose a model with a similar face shape and see the frames on the picture. So for me it is far better than trying them on in person because with-o my glasses I odn't have a clue what it looks like other than if the kids say it looks good or bad. And you know kids and parents often have very differnt tastes, lol. One pair the kids said was the best on me was so not my taste that it couldn't get any more not me. It was amazing!

What your son is asking for are photochromic lenses. The best version of these is transitions brand. The online brands are not as expensive but do not change as fast or get as dark. Over time they get a lot darker when they change and then they will get to a point where they don't lighten up completely. This happened when transitions first introduced these because my mom and bro both had them and had these issues. They also happened when I got them 3 or 4 yrs ago. Now those glasses do not lighten at all, or darken. They are a medium tint like sunglasses you get at the store. So for that you will want to see that the sight uses transitions brand lenses and plan to replace them sooner than you would for an adult (at least every 2 years if they work that long). He may also want to look into the over the glasses sunglasses sold for about 20 at walmart. They have worked far better for me than any other kind that I have found.

One benefit to the online places is that most will sell a clip on sunglasses that is designed to fit directly onto that pair of glasses, FAR better than ones you get at the stores, for about $5 per pair. You can get as many extra pairs as you want at the time of order. There are also more expensive frames taht you can get sunglasses that attach magnetically for. These are not the regular frames and you have to do some searching. I don't know if all sites sell them.

 

[HaoZi]

I pay the extra money to get transitions for kiddo's glasses because I know the damage UV can do (medicaid doesn't cover transitions). And there's no way she'd be able to keep up with clip-ons or not destroy them in short order. Same with me.

 

[ML]

I am so sorry this happened. Another reason we open enrolled Manster to the school that is 3 miles closer than the district school (boundaries were never redrawn when a new school was built). If they don't take him he'll have to start taking the bus. I'm really sad that thank you had do deal with this. It is so unfuriating.

 

[svengandhi]

Thanks for the advice about transitions. I think I may go for them anyway. His eyes are like mine, which means they won't stabilize and will continue to deteriorate until he starts wearing contacts. He's almost 12 and very scrupulous about hygiene but I don't think he's ready for them yet. So, he'll probably need new glasses before the transitions stop working. As for the clip-ons, he's going to scout camp this summer so the fewer things I have to worry about him losing, the better.